I have been dating a man for almost 4 months. We've been living together for about 2. I told him from the very very beginning that I require complete openness and honesty in a relationship if there is to be ANY trust. I've told him everything important about me. Yesterday I came across paperwork that said he was the biological father of a girl. When I mentioned the name, first he tried to lie and say that was the name of the girl he slept with a long time ago. I said "why does it say you're the father then?" Well it turns out that girl he slept with had a kid and didn't tell him. Years later he found out and did a DNA test to determine if he was the father. He claims that before the kid could be tested, the kid and mother were both killed in hurricane Katrina. (Yet the legal document I saw said that it was determined by genetic evidence that he WAS the biological father). He doesn't think he should have had to tell me. What do you think? How can I ever trust him?
2007-01-21 04:03:51 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Neither of have regular jobs. He has his own business at home and I'm a student. Basically that means that we've spent 24/7 of the last 4 months together. Which is more than double the amount of get-to-know-you time of most couples. I knew it was too soon to move in, but was in a situation where I had to move out of my previous residence, I had no money, no job, and a 120lb dog (which severely limits my options) and he was offering to let me stay here "no strings attached". So I gave it a shot.
I've made it clear time and time again how important it is to not have any secrets and NO LIES. We talk a lot about our pasts and everything. We even had a discussion about his relationship with this girl in particular (a great time to mention the kid). He's told me all along that he won't keep secrets or tell lies. This is a HUGE HUGE big deal to be keeping a secret. I feel like if he'll keep this a secret, he could lie about ANYTHING. Is it even possible to regain trust after this?
2007-01-21 10:38:57 · update #1
The real question here is why you would move in with your boyfriend after only being with him for two months? How can you possibly expect to "know" someone--complete honesty or not--after such a short period of time?
If the mother and child died in Katrina then they died before you two started dating. Therefore, he wasn't hiding anything from you that affected your day-to-day relationship. If the baby girl's mom didn't tell him about his paternity it seems like there was a lot of problems with his past relationship. Perhaps he was looking for a fresh start with you and wanted to keep this tragic event in the past.
Yes you can be angry with him for not telling you. But try to move forward. If you love him as much as you should--after all you moved in with him after such a short period of time--then you owe it to him to allow him a chance to gain your trust again.
2007-01-21 04:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by jered_gold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure remember honesty and open communication are very inportant in a good relationship! talk talk and more talk ! talk it out!
2007-01-21 12:25:14 · answer #2 · answered by smfry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have been honest from the beginning, especially since you're living together after 4 months? wow. This is a big clue about his character, I hope you get it!! Doesn't sound like he can be trusted but you moved in w/him so soon, maybe neither one of you can be trusted. hmmm....
2007-01-21 12:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by Forever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would break up NOW---before any more fishy stories pop up.
I see nothing but hurt in a future with this guy!
Especially given the way you feel about honesty, I don't feel he will ever be trustworthy.
2007-01-21 12:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound right to me. Too much bull****.
2007-01-21 12:35:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋