I live with my boyfriend and we own a house together. I was recently off work for 3 months due to medical reasons so was more than happy to do the housework. My Dr. gave me the ok to go back to work so I explained to my boyfriend that we will have to share the housework again. He agreed.
I do the shopping, cooking, laundry, vacuming, dusting and general picking up aroung the house. I only have asked him to clean up his own mess like pots and dishes in the sink and coats and hats around the house. I work the afternoon shift and everytime I come home the sink is full of dishes and his stuff is strewn around the house. I clean it because I can't wake up in the morning and look at it.
I'm not a neat freak by any means, but am I asking for too much? I'm getting really frusteratted with the half-as5 job he does when he does do it. Breaking up and selling the house is not an answer. What should I do??? I've already threatened him that he will have to do all the work I do too.
2007-01-21 03:50:35 · 17 answers · asked by moobiemuffin 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You aren't asking for too much, it's a shared home, shared responsibility. Sit him down and tell him, you can't do everything and he has to help, otherwise, he can pay someone to do his share, because you can't do it all.
Personally I don't understand guys like that, I've been married for 25 years, and my husband has always helped around the house, right now he's making brunch and he did the dishes. In the past few years he's had to pick up more of the household duties due to my illness, but he doesn't complain, and I appreciate everything he does.
So if you love each other, talk it out, work through it, two people who share a space can share the responsibility for caring for the space, he wouldn't ask you to pay all the bills, why would he ask you to do all the cleaning? Even if he half-asses something, let it go, so he won't feel like you'll just come in after him and "fix" it, eventually, he'll start pitching in like you want him to.
Good luck!!!
2007-01-21 04:01:30 · answer #1 · answered by Angeleyes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boys will be boys, You can't help it. Dont push him too much. Dont get too frustrated over that coz its gonna get u angry over him too much. Instead start off with really easy work for him at first. Like do a small time table. Ask him to wash his dishes ..the first 2 - 3 weeks. Write it down somewhere so he remembers. Express your tiredness in a very sympathetic way.
Make hiim short list of things to do...make sure its not more than 3 because it will get him frustrated as well since he is not used to it. I suggest to keep the list to be always 3 because guys forget easily.Find the 3 most important things that u hate to see when u get back home and put that in the list. Try to change the list of 3 every fortnight. Stick the timetable on the fridge or near the sofa so he remembers to do them. Try not to burden too much at the beginning because he needs an easy start to feel comfortable.
I hope it helps. Good Luck.
2007-01-21 12:02:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anne H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for another talk. Find out why he doesn't feel he should have to share the burden. Perhaps he wasn't required to do any household chores at home and resents it...some guys just don't care about things being untidy (some women too, but fewer than guys).
Being a couple is being a team...if you two have problems with this issue, it's likely there will be others...keep this in mind if marriage is ever a consideration.
2007-01-21 11:56:17 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very important; your boyfriend has to understand that just because you're the female doesn't mean that you have to do all the housework. If you work, the work should be split 50/50. You should sit down and have a very serious chat with your bf about this. He is being very sexist, if you ask me. Let him know you won't be tolerating this much longer.
2007-01-21 11:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think men don't like to do any cleaning what so ever. They push it on to us women. They have seen their moms clean and now they expect the same from us. The time has come for a 50 50 split on the housework. Men you need to do your fare share too!
2007-01-21 11:59:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of it has to do with how the man was raised. If they had to do housework at home, most of them will help. But if thier mother did everything for them, they come out not wanting to even empty the dishwasher...which sucks for you. I was lucky, my hubby was married once before, and she had trained him for me..lol He helps, and I don't even have to ask most of the time. We take turns doing the common chores. Good Luck!
2007-01-21 12:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by mastin_danes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of men still live in the stone age where women are at home and men are out providing.....they do not want to accept that times have changed and they should too....and then again some men are just flat out lazy and expect the women to wait on them hand and foot.
Tell him to get off his lazy butt and put in his half of the work!
2007-01-21 11:55:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds too much the movie The Breakup. I'd say give him a break.
2007-01-21 11:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by Dave 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laziness..
They do not respect you..
Don't invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. on a relationship without marriage.
Don't get married when there are already known problems..
The problems will only get worse...
Hire a maid and make him pay for her...
2007-01-21 11:55:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men slack because we LET them! Their Moms let them, other GF's or wives let them......
Try this----tell him you are on STRIKE---and do NOTHING until he pitches in--no dinner, only do YOUR laundry, etc......he will soon see the error of his ways, when all his undies are dirty, he has nothing but PB sandwiches to eat, and all the dishes are dirty!
2007-01-21 12:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋