He has him every other week and the whole time he is with him its non stop play week. I don't even come into the picture. His son controls his life and he doesn't even see what it is doing to our relationship. He won't answer any of my calls during their visitation. Son listens to all of our conversations, reads his email, reads his text messages. Son doesnt have friends, activities or a life other than being in control of making his Dad a puppet. Also, I have a son 2 years older than his son. My son is the bad kid and he had nothing to do with him from the first day that we met. Of course his son is the "Kid of the Year"...Should I dump this guy?
2007-01-21 02:45:05 · 25 answers · asked by turk6harley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its pretty obvious. If you have tried to talk about this and it isn't working then yes I think you need to move on. There is way to much negative coming from your feelings and that is never good.
So you need to think of yourself and your son. Obviously this situation is not healthy for the both of you.
2007-01-21 02:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by logan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
when i first started reading your question, i was all ready to bash you. i mean, that's his son and he has to come first, right? if i were single, the person i was dating would have to understand that my kids are the most important things in my life and that nobody comes before them. BUT then you mentioned that this kid listents to all of your phone conversations and reads all of his dad's e-mails and text messages. that is inappropriate on so many levels. it completely disrespects you and your relationship and actually it is disrespectful to the kid as well. the child is not the one with the problem. your boyfriend is. he has to set boundaries with his son and he has not. there is absolutely no reason for him to know every single detail of what is going on in his dad's life. your bf is being his son's friend instead of his dad and this IS going to hurt his son in the long run.
the fact that your bf had nothing to do with your son from the first day you met should have been red flag #1. and now that he's made your kid out to be the bad one who can do nothing right, while his kid is the good one that can do nothing wrong, has to be very hard on your son and it is certainly not healthy for him (your son).
my opinion: your bf has absolutely no respect for you, your relationship or your son. so for me the answer is easy. dump him now and don't turn back. he's only going to cause heartache and disappointment for you and your son and both of you deserve way better than that.
good luck to you and i hope you make the decision that is best for you.
2007-01-21 03:42:05 · answer #2 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Red flags...Think of it this way, if you were married to this guy, would he behave in the same manner? Probably. He may have a lot of time to 'cram' into the week he has his son, but that doesn't excuse the discourtesy of ignoring phone calls, nor of HIS son's disrespect to his dad and you and probably others who may call, e-mail,etc., while his son is with him. Whether or not he sees this child once a week or everyday, this man is still his FATHER. It is not the job of a parent to be a child's 'best buddy' but to lead, guide and teach a kid how to become a responsible adult.
This means that as a parent, you will have to make some unpopular choices. It means that there will and should be times that you set limits with your child. It does NOT mean that your interactions with a child should be compelled by guilt and manipulation.
I think it would be wise to consider if you ALWAYS want to be second on his list of priorities and it seems to be a 'convenience' to this man. How much time does it take to make a phone call? I would think that even if your boyfriend has to wait till 'Junior' goes to bed, he could speak to you, if just to say 'hello, I love you.' You said it well when you stated that he 'forgets' you.
2007-01-21 03:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by perizada_dancing4u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been together?? Most step-children will try to come between a single parent and their new love interest. Most parents will defend their child even in the face of real evidence. These things can be over come if you really connect with the other person, although your children may never really get along, if you are compatible and love each other, it would be better to give it some time and see what happens. Finding someone is not easy, it usually involves compromise if you really want it to work. I have been there, I know from experience. Most times children are not with you forever, they eventually get a life of their own when they mature. A good relationship with your child is as important as a good relationship with your spouse. Sounds like you both have a good relationship with your children, if it is true love, work it out.
2007-01-21 03:03:20 · answer #4 · answered by Cindy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The question is Why did you accept to go out with him in the first place if you knew he has a son?? I think He is probably a great Father. And you should do the same Be a good mother and spend time with your son because he wont be little for ever he will get older, and then you will not have your boyfriend and will not have your son! If you really loved this man you would also spend time with your son and his son!
Or find one that thinks like you " oh who cares about our children let just think of us" Beacuse thats what it seems like that you think. You are very irresponsible!!!
2007-01-21 03:36:51 · answer #5 · answered by Faby 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should dump this guy not because he has a son but because you can't handle him having a son. He should be spending time with his kid. I truly believe that divorced parents shouldn't date until the kids hit 18 and if they are going to date, stay away from the folks like yourself that don't seem to understand that the kids need to come first. Are you not putting your son first ahead of your bf? Just read what you wrote...in his eyes...his son good yours bad....you probably see the same way yours good his bad...you both need to step away from each other and focus on your children. Never mind putting either of the boys through this garbage.
2007-01-21 03:22:55 · answer #6 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You already know the answer, this relationship is seriously flawed and nothing you should do will change the situation in the long run. A fathers bond to a child should be strong, but his relationship with his son seems obsessive. Maybe he is trying to make up for some perceived shortcoming with his previously family. This situation is not as rare as you might think and marriage seldom improves the situation.
2007-01-21 03:05:00 · answer #7 · answered by Jay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are so many issues playing into your situation...you could dump him, or if you love him you could all go to some counseling. Or you could accept the fact that his son comes first(at least every other week) and work around that. The gf,bf, or whomever the 3rd party is...will almost never wins if it ends up being a choice. Would u choose your bf over your son?...of course not. Its not about love enough or not love or love one more than the other....Its about divorce, guilt and parents and children dynamics. Yeah, it sucks.....if counseling is not an option look for books, or articles on the net to explain feelings in broken homes, step-families and such. GOOD LUCK
2007-01-21 03:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you feel so strongly then, yes dump him. Is your son a bad kid? If it's a minor issue with some slight mischief, then this guy should be able to get over it, and the two of you should be able to take your children out together. It's good to see that he has such a strong relationship with his son, which is rare these days, but if he cant have a strong relationship with you-and your son- then maybe you should just let him be with his son.
2007-01-21 02:52:45 · answer #9 · answered by Nikki Flynn 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you're jealous of his son. If all the time he gets with him is every other weekend, of course he will try to make the most of it. Would you prefer if he was a deadbeat dad?
On the other hand, if he is not addressing your concerns about this, then you have a big problem. Have you told him how you feel. Have you made an effort to be included in this time? You need to really think about this one. Are the issues with your son real or are you just comparing them? This is a complicated issue and it wil nto go away, so if you are serious about this man, you need to address the problems as you see them, but as a grownup, not another teenager.
2007-01-21 02:54:59 · answer #10 · answered by Cynthia H 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would not say that you have to dump your boyfriend,but your son is your first priority.Try to explain to your friend how you feel
about the way that he allows his son to act. No 13 year old should be allowed to control there parent,and this is what is going on.It seems like your friend is leading two separate lives,and he needs to either bring them both together or you need to end this relationship before your son is subjected to this behavior. Good Luck.
2007-01-21 03:01:57 · answer #11 · answered by zzum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋