laughing hahaha!:)?

Question

i need a good laugh someone tell me a good loke if its not i'll do a thumbs down:( if it is funny i'll make you the best answer:).i hope you guy s know some good jokes.

Answer 1

• Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain

• Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. it is 10 times more effective than valium

• Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers!

• From development to ejaculation, the lifespan of a sperm is about 2.5 months.

• Twenty percent of women who live with their boyfriends have more than one sex partner.

• In the 18th century, another term for anal sex was "navigate the windward passage."

• The Ancient Greeks believed semen was stored in a man's cranium.

small but funny

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Answer 2

1.
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."


2.
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.
"How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."


3.
If five out of every ten people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the other five enjoy it?


4.
You're so ugly, when you go to the zoo the monkeys take pictures of you

Answer 3

SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the
following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Answer 4

i am barely sitting down when I hear a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation or fraternize in women's rooms at a rest stop but, I don't know what got into me, so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!"

And the other girl says: "So what's up with you?"

What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions, bye!"

Answer 5

Okay well I know blonde jokes ( I can't imagine why since I'm blonde but here goes): How can you tell a blonde has been working at the computer? By the white out on the screen. What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes? An interpreter. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She kept throwing out all the W's. Why did the blonde dye her hair? Artificial intelligence. Why did the blonde smile every time it lightned outside? She thought she was having her picture taken.

Answer 6

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

"People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems."

"Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can."

The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."

The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

SEE ,WHO CAN YOU TRUST???????????
ROB

Answer 7

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."




One of my fav best jokes ever!

Answer 8

A certain young man finally got a date with a female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool". But, determined not to miss his date, he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

When the hot date showed up at his apartment, the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a video. During the video, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The date, meanwhile, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his dingy immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the she exclaimed - "So, that's how you guys load those things!"

Answer 9

what kind of fish makes a good sandwich a jelly fish
what did kid mummies say when they are scared I want my mummy.Why does everyone love that mushroom cuz he's a fungy guy.Why did the chicken cross the park to et to the other slide.

Answer 10

Ok, how about this one.

I'm not here to entertain to, I'm not your personal source of jokes and I don't think I should gt rated badly just because you happen to dislike my joke. And i have no idea why the hell you're asking for jokes here when there are special sites created with that exact purpose.