Help me revise my paper?

Question

At last! That is what I thought in my head I had been waiting all year for this trip. The teachers at my school had been planning it all year as well. They carefully planned their studies around the trip so the last thing we learned about was the history of the United States. It was a Monday afternoon and every one had their luggage. My dad and I step up in to the bus, I had my suitcase in one hand and my dad holding the other. My dad volunteered to be one of the chaperons. Everyone piled in to the bus I think there was five busses total, everyone in my grade went. Then four hours later we arrived at Washington D.C. We checked into the hotel and started looking over the maps we found in our room. Later that night there was a meeting in one of the convention rooms we discussed our itinerary and had dinner. My dad and I went back to our room and tried to rest up for the next day but I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep.
The next day came and everyone piled on the bus there was at least thirty kids on the bus we were on. After boarding the bus and numbering off we started our journey. A little bit in to the trip I heard a boy behind me shout, “Look, there it is!” I looked up and sure enough there was the Capitol building everyone then started taking pictures the flash on the bus was blinding. After that every one on the bus kept their faces glued to the windows in till we arrived. With in twenty minutes we could see it all, the Capitol, the Washington Monument, The Smithsonian Museum, The White House and so much more. It was an impressive view.
The first stop we made was at John F Kennedy’s gravesite at the Arlington National Cemetery where John F Kennedy and his wife are buried and where the eternal flame burns brightly. After the gravesite we took a train to our next destination. Once the train stopped we arrived at Union Station. Every one got out of the train and we headed towards the Tomb of the Unknowns. Fortunately, we were just in time to see the changing of the guard, which happens at the bottom of every hour every day of the year.
After lunch we began a trip around the city’s many memorials. First we visited the White House. The White House has been a symbol of presidency for two hundred years. President George Washington was the president who declared there must be a place for the presidents of the United States to reside they started construction on the White House in 1792. After the White House we visited the Franklin D. Roosevelt Memorial, there are four outdoor galleries each representing one of FDR’s terms in office with information on the Great Depression and World War II. We then went and climbed the stairs were Martin Luther King once delivered his famous “I have a Dream Speech”. We then went to West Potomac Park were the Thomas Jefferson Memorial stands on the south shore of the Tidal Basin. The memorial featured a nineteen foot bronze statue of Jefferson. Jefferson was the third president of the United States and he promoted democracy, freedom of religion and the separation of church and state, he help to develop our country into what it is today. We then went to the Lincoln Memorial in West Potomac Park, it has a statue of Abraham Lincoln seated on an armchair. The Lincoln Memorial also has the text of the Gettysburg Address and the text of Lincoln's Second Inaugural speech. Both were engraved on a stone tablet. The last thing we did on our trip and my favorite part was go to the National Achieves and Records building, at the building they display the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. The National Archives also had other valuable U.S. government records and historic maps, photographs, and manuscripts. I loved going to the National Achieve and Records building because I loved seeing the documents that helped make America.

Answer 1

At last! I have been waiting all year for this trip. The teachers at my school have been planning it all year. They carefully planned their studies around the trip (specifics needed here -- what studies of what area), with the last thing we learned was the history of the United States (what is the relevance of stating you learned U S history last?).
(new paragraph) It was a Monday afternoon and every one had their luggage (where were you -- ex. lined up on the sidewalk at school). My dad had volunteered to be one of the chaperons. When the time was ready, he and I stepPED up into the bus WITH my suitcase in one hand and my dad holding the other. Everyone in my grade(WHAT GRADE?) piled into the bus and, I think, there was five busses total.
(New Paragraph) Four hours later we arrived at Washington D.C. We checked into the hotel and started looking over the maps we found in our room. Later that night, there was a meeting in one of the convention rooms WHERE we discussed our itinerary and had dinner. My dad and I went back to our room and tried to rest up for the next day but I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep.
The next day came and everyone piled on the busSES; there BEING, at least, thirty kids on the bus we were on. After boarding the bus and numbering off, we started our journey. A little bit in to the trip I heard a boy behind me shout, “Look, there it is!” I looked up and sure enough there was the Capitol building.) IT WAS BLINDING ON THE BUS WITH ALL THE CAMERAS FLASHING) VERSUS > Everyone started taking pictures the flash on the bus was blinding. After that, everyone on the bus kept their faces glued to the windows UNTIL we arrived. Within twenty minutes we could see it all, the Capitol, the Washington Monument, The Smithsonian Museum, The White House and so much more. It was an impressive SITE.
The first stop we made was at John F. Kennedy AND WIFE'S gravesite at the Arlington National Cemetery WITH the eternal flame burns brightly. We took a train to our next destination after the gravesite . The train ride stopped at Union Station. ONce everyone was off the train, we headed towards the Tomb of the Unknowns. Fortunately, we were just in time to see the changing of the guard, which happens at the bottom of every hour every day of the year.
After lunch we began a trip around the city’s many memorials. First, we visited the White House. The White House has been a symbol of presidency for two hundred years. President George Washington was the president who declared there must be a place for the presidents of the United States to reside, so they started constructing the White House in 1792. After the White House we visited the Franklin D. Roosevelt Memorial where there are four outdoor galleries each representing one of FDR’s terms in office, with information on the Great Depression, and World War II. We then went and climbed the stairs were Martin Luther King once delivered his famous “I have a Dream Speech”. Then to the West Potomac Park were the Thomas Jefferson Memorial stands on the south shore of the Tidal Basin. The memorial featured a nineteen foot bronze statue of Jefferson. Jefferson was the third president of the United States and he promoted democracy, freedom of religion, the separation of church and state, and helped to develop our country into what it is today. We then went to the Lincoln Memorial in West Potomac Park where we saw the statue of Abraham Lincoln seated in an armchair. The Lincoln Memorial also has the text of the Gettysburg Address and the text of Lincoln's Second Inaugural speech. Both were engraved on a stone tablet. The last thing we did on our trip, and my favorite part, was go to the National Achieves and Records building. At this building they display the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. The National Archives also had other valuable U.S. government records, historic maps, photographs, and manuscripts. I loved going to the National Achieve and Records building because I loved seeing the documents that helped make America.

Look close for the changes -- such as rearranged sentences, added commas, and words that needed combined such as everyone and into. Some things I changed I used all caps.

Answer 2

Hey. Ok I'm going to copy and paste your story and make some adjustements ok? The adjustments that are words are in capitols/caps.
At last! That is what I thought in my head. I had been waiting all year for this trip! The teachers at my school had been planning it all year as well. They HAD carefully planned their studies around the trip so the last thing we learned about was the history of the United States. It was a Monday afternoon and every one had their luggage. My dad and I step ONTO the bus, I had my suitcase in one hand and my dad HELD the other. My dad volunteered to be one of the chaperons. Everyone piled in to the bus I think there was five busses total, everyone in my grade were going. (what was the busride like?!) Then four hours later we arrived at Washington D.C. We checked into the hotel and started looking over the maps we found in our room. Later that night there was a meeting in one of the convention rooms. We discussed our itinerary and had dinner. My dad and I went back to our room and tried to rest up for the next day but I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep.
The next day came and everyone piled on the bus, there was at least thirty kids on the THE ONE WE WERE ON. After boarding the bus and numbering off we started our journey. A little bit in to the trip I heard a boy behind me shout, “Look, there it is!” I looked up and sure enough there was the Capitol building. Everyone then started taking pictures. The flash on the bus was blinding. After that every one on the bus kept their faces glued to the windows UNTIL we arrived. WITHIN twenty minutes we could see it all, the Capitol, the Washington Monument, The Smithsonian Museum, The White House and so much more. It was an impressive view.
The first stop we made was at John F Kennedy’s gravesite at the Arlington National Cemetery where John F Kennedy and his wife are buried and where the eternal flame burns brightly. After the gravesite we took a train to our next destination. Once the train stopped we arrived at Union Station. Every one got out of the train and we headed TOWARD the Tomb of the Unknowns. Fortunately, we were just in time to see the changing of the guard, which happens at the bottom of every hour every day of the year.
After lunch we began a trip around the city’s many memorials. First we visited the White House. The White House has been a symbol of presidency for two hundred years. President George Washington was the president who declared there must be a place for the presidents of the United States to reside. THEY started construction on the White House in 1792. After the White House we visited the Franklin D. Roosevelt Memorial, there are four outdoor galleries each representing one of FDR’s terms in office with information on the Great Depression and World War II. We then went and climbed the stairs were Martin Luther King once delivered his famous “I have a Dream Speech”. We then went to West Potomac Park were the Thomas Jefferson Memorial stands on the south shore of the Tidal Basin. The memorial featured a nineteen foot bronze statue of Jefferson. Jefferson was the third president of the United States and he promoted democracy, freedom of religion and the separation of church and state, he helped to develop our country into what it is today. We then went to the Lincoln Memorial in West Potomac Park, it has a statue of Abraham Lincoln seated on an armchair. The Lincoln Memorial also has the text of the Gettysburg Address and the text of Lincoln's Second Inaugural speech. Both were engraved on a stone tablet. The last thing we did on our trip and ALSO my favorite part was go to the National Achieves and Records building, at the building they display the original copies of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. The National Archives also had other valuable U.S. government records and historic maps, photographs, and manuscripts. I loved going to the National Achieve and Records building because I loved seeing the documents that helped make America.


Good Paper! I recommend you do a spell check on Microsoft because the paper was too long on Yahoo Answers. I didn't want to make any word changes just grammar but I recommend you use a theaurus to change some overused words! I hope I helped! Good Luck!

Answer 3

Your age? Topic of your paper? Length of your work (pages or # of words would help, have Microsoft Word or some such program help you there). Respond here (Answers) titled, "Follow up with need help") to give me the info, and then repeat original request.

Answer 4

It is perfect.It does not need any revision.