Am I gay or Bi or lonely? Any similar experiences?

Question

I am a gay man but lately I think I may be developing feelings for a woman, I am confused and frightened,

I have been attracted to men since I was 13. I dated women in my teens, even slept with them and felt something was missing. I came out in my late teens.I was in a relationship with a man in college. The relationship ended because he moved to another country after college. I still have feelings for him.

I have been living with my current boyfriend for 3 & 1/2 yrs but it has not been a good one. I have stayed in this because I dont want to lonely.

Lately, it seems I have begun to develop feelings for this woman I work with. She is really nice, and I can't explain how happy I am when she is around. I think I might be falling for her. When I told her I was gay, she was surprised but very accepting.

I am very confused and frightened. I thought I was very clear about my sexuality and lifestyle. This really complicates my life. I don't know myself now. Any similar experiences?

I am sexually attracted to her, which is why I am so confused, I didn't expect to be.

But I was also sexually attracted to the girls I dated before I came out. Though I wasn't so happy with them.

I told me her I was gay when she asked me if I was dating someone. Maybe she felt the same way or maybe it was just a question. We spend a lot of time together since we work together.

Answer 1

Are you sexually attracted to her? Being nice and liking her is not good enough! Sleeping with her and finding something missing might not be a nice situation.

Telling her you were gay may have stopped the train on this one, it is hard to take something like that back... often saying BTW, I finally realized I am bi and in love with you often doesn't do the trick.

I think you need to realize why "it has not been a good one." Do you feel that you are gay and maybe another boyfriend would be better? Maybe being lonely might be a good thing at the moment.

My situation: (I am also "technically bi" as you are, but I have slept with only one woman, my high school fiance; however, I don't think I felt anything missing). I have known my "soul mate" for over 14 years (I know if I was to marry, it would be with her) and we still remain best of friends. She does know that I am gay or dating men -- so this is where the "hard to take back" comes from. We almost decided to get married last year, but she felt that "it would be to hard for me" because I was gay; interestingly I accepted it because I believe if anything is going to happen, it will HAPPEN.

Answer 2

I think there is a hole in your life you cannot seem to fill and you are desperate.

I'm not going to comment on the possible relationship with this woman, but what I do advise strongly is that you get rid of the boyfriend you have and you get some counseling to find out why you settled for him, and why now you are sabotaging your future happiness.

If you come out of counseling with a better understanding of yourself, and you still want a relationship with this woman, then go ahead.

There are no rules to human relationships. Ignore the labels, and do what your heart and head tell you. However you must be sure of it, because you sound like you are simply grasping at straws to fill a void and that is no reason to potentially hurt someone else.

Good luck and I hope you find some peace.

Answer 3

Yes been there. I basically feel in love with a girl but I remained gay. There was no sexual attraction at all. I was still attracted to men. Maybe I could consider her as my soulmate. She feels comfortable when I am around and I feel the same with her. We were best of friends less the sex.

Answer 4

darling the worst type of lonliness is when u feel lonley while there r some people around u..if u have no feelings for ur current boyfriend just breakup with him coz am sure u already feel lonley now although he's physically close to u...
sometimes we think that we already made our future plans and everythin in our life became soo clear to us but remember not all what we plan comes true

Answer 5

You are bi sexual, you will always fill that something is missing if you are with just a man or with just a woman. You will need both constantly in your life to be fulfilled. But I dont think your mate would go for that. So you just have to learn to do other things to curb that desire...or just be single and do both men and women for the rest of your life. Or find a partner thats exceptable of you going out and satisfying that desire. Feeling that way can just drive you crazy.lol

Answer 6

bisexual. if you didnt like girls AT ALL not having feelings or not liking personalities or etc then ur gay but i think ur bisexual