I dont know if any of you have been reading my questions, but I talked to my husband about my mother in law and he basically said there is nothing he could do about it, and that if I wasn't happy to leave.
So short of that, I have decided to leave. I hate it, but I knew eventually this is what would happen. He loves her way more than me and I knew that from the start of this marriage. He was committed to her even before het met me. His whole family relies on him.
Well, we will talk when he gets back from dropping her off this morning.
Has anyone ever had a mate that basically chose their spouse over their mate?
2007-01-21 00:50:58 · 18 answers · asked by Jinglenut with bananas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kim yes i have been reading your questions...Do you Love your husband? If you do then you will not be happy without him..Stick this thing out,you will be a winner if you will do that..Ignore the *****,,,let it be,she just wants to be #1 and if you stick around you will win....He cannot say anything to her,and that means he want say anything to you either,so ignore her...Just put her on the back burner so to speak...Don,t get hasty with your decision..You husband probably loves you ,he,s just lacking balls,so give him time to groe some...you cannot compare love,he loves you one way and her another,it has nothing to do with he loves her more,its a different love altogeather...
2007-01-21 06:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by slickcut 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kim, it may not be a divorce that you need but a separation! Do yourself a favor and go through all the steps before making the big mistake. He obviously just hasn't grown up. Guys tend to be less mature than their wives. It's not something that we like to admit but that doesn't change the truth. Sounds like there may be big $'s if he stays loyal to a fault, with mommy. Just get out and start your new life. Don't go searching for a new love! Just respect yourself enough to show your husband that life without mom can be beneficial. He may wake up. However, if it goes too long, no one here will blame you for not trying. I can see by your questions that you have almost exhausted every avenue, every possible approach. Just do this one more side street of wisdom. Separate! You set up a final divorce date. I'm sure you will know when that time has come.
2007-01-21 01:06:12 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a Mom of 3 boys and a mother in law; being a daughter in law and mother in law is new ground; sometimes it is hard for you to get along with your own parent let alone his; to make a person choose between his Mom and spouse is a no win situation; maturity and love shows that you need to close your ears at times and try to establish a relationship with her; if this can't be done, don't make your spouse choose to lose the relationship with the person who gave birth to him etc; she raised the same person that you now love; no one said that life is easy but if you are ready to jump ship over this, you are not in this relationship for the right reason; I had a mother in law from hell; she ironed his underwear , didn't show up for our wedding and slapped his face the day that we got married; I was tolerant and couldn't make him ever choose; when she got sick years later, she apologized to me and told me that she made the biggest mistake of her life and that I was such a good person. Love is about forgiveness as well; show how mature you are for standing by your commitment to your husband
2007-01-21 01:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by sml 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I never had to compete in a relationship for a mother but kids and food I have. It really doesn't matter what your competing with whether it be the bottle or smoke or a mother...right now, with emotions running high between both of you, and he has given you the ultimatum of stop complaining or leave does not mean he does not love you or wants you to go, if you love him compromise...I know it's harder to do than to say but it may be a solution. Have you ever heard the saying...kill them with kindness. If you try going that little step forward and being a little more understanding with his family, I don't mean letting them walk all over you and use your husband constantly, but stop fighting so much and there will be times (a lot of times really) to bite your tongue and just let it go...he may just realize on his own that you mean more to him than his family and he will stop them of taking up so much of his life. Some men feel they owe there mothers and siblings not just their time but money and a life, they want to be a husband and father but the ties that bind seem to hold them back and mothers tend to make the hold on their son's even stronger for fear his wife will try to keep him to herself. Let his family know you are there for them too, as a couple you two can be there for all of them.
2007-01-21 01:23:07 · answer #4 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may not be your favorite answer, but I will be honest. Why would he have to choose between you? A man who's devoted to his mother is probably a very loyal and loving person and if he isn't forced to choose, he'll probably be a loyal and loving husband to you too. If you love him, not only stay with him, but also don't involve him in what happens between you and his mom. You're both mature women and can work out whatever you need to, between the two of you without putting him in the middle. For a man, being in the middle of his mom and wife is a lose/lose situation and it's unfair to him.
If you love him, work it out with your MIL and keep him out of it.
2007-01-21 01:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by TJTB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happened because he is a mama's boy. Put him in a diaper, feed him a bottle and give him a bottle of baby food before emailing me. I don't have a mother so no inlaw there. And I became a man a long long time ago. LEAVE . There are alot of real men out there who do not need mother. By the way is his name NORMAN BATES. What a psycho!
2007-01-21 02:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by beetem@sbcglobal.net 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
(about to proclaim a childish assumption based on my own experience:......!)
ALL MOTHER IN LAWS ARE EVIL!
Now, I agree with what that other fella said too, it is a good indication of how you will be treated.....but! the bible says that a man is to LEAVE his mommy and dad, and CLEAVE to his wife, that being said....a man should be a MAN, and make his bride and their children a priority over their mother. This does not mean that he should not see or have anything to do with his mother, but it means that his wife comes first.
2007-01-21 01:14:28 · answer #7 · answered by º§€V€Nº 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a wife that was so in-love with her father that it caused great problems in our marriage. I did everything to and including asking for assistance on what to do from a marriage counselor.
The counselor couldn't get through to the wife either, she thought we were both crazy.
I filed for divorce 3 months into the marriage and dumped her. I moved to another city and put that "sicko" behind me forever.
If i were you i'd dump this mama's boy and move on. It's just not worth the heartache to deal with something like this.
2007-01-21 01:09:06 · answer #8 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You knew what he was like going in so you deserve what you get. He probably married you because he thought that you were cool with the situation. You probably didn't make a fuss about it early on because you knew that he would leave you if you did. So don't play the victim now. You made your bed, so now you sleep in it.
2007-01-21 01:04:58 · answer #9 · answered by tropicanaman2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you cant stand her then you should know that you just let her win you should have tried my advice on ignoring her cause at least you would have won,but now you lost!!!!!!!!!!and by the way this is not hurting her or your husband the only person you are hurting is YOU!!!!!
2007-01-21 02:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋