My husband is having an affair.......Need advice?

Question

We have four children been married for 6 years we both are in our mid 20's. My husband works around really pretty girls all day long i used to trust him when he would get calls from the girls at his job but this one girl kept calling so when he was in the shower and the phone rang i let it go to the voice mail and i listened to the message. It said ...hey baby where are you? Everyones here but you...I need you i feel left out the only girl here without her man." So i followed him after taking my kids to the nieghbors and he went to her huged her and kissed her i just drove off now i don't know what i should do. I am so angry i am so hurt i want to go and beat the living crap outta her she knows he's married. I just need advice please any thanks.

He don't know i know about the affair... So should i just leave or wait until he comes home and ask him 100 questions i have running through my mind?

I would like grown up answers to my questions please if you have kids involved people it's not that easy to just pick up and leave.

Answer 1

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

Please, before you resort to violence, stop and think. That will solve NOTHING and will probably land you in jail. Your children don't deserve that. Besides, are you sure you should be maddest at her?? She didn't take marriage vows with you, your husband did. Even though she knows he is married, she isn't obligated to you in any way, he is. Personally I would be livid with him, not her. She is just a nasty tramp who should know better but doesn't care.

As hard as it may sound, DON'T confront him yet. Just play dumb. Get your ducks in order before you do. By that I mean, make sure you have a place to go, money to go there and finances to support you and your children before you do anything. Go to a lawyer and see what your rights are and start making preparations now. Start your own bank account and tuck away money for you and the kids. Transfer as much as of the joint property as you can to your name. Then, when you feel comfortable with your finances, confront him. That way, if the two of you decide you can't work it out, then you and the children aren't left high and dry like so many women are in your situation.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First let me just say how sorry I am to hear that you are going through this. Now, what you need to do is talk to him and tell him that you know about his affair, if he says that he hasn't cheated because he has not had sex with this "other" woman tell him that letting her call him "baby", "her man", going out behind your back, and showing up at parties as a couple is a betrayal of trust, hence considered cheating. Let him know that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior, so he either stops and comes back to you or he can just stay out the next time and not come back.

I know it is hard at your age to think of making it out on your own specially with 4 children, but this is what he may be counting on to keep you tied to him. Don't be afraid, there is allot of help for single mothers, including help for attorneys which in turn can get you spousal support and child support. I am in no way for divorces, specially when children are involved but if your husband will not commit to you why should you and your children suffer. I cheated once in my past and was forgiven by my wife, it was a mistake on my part but I learned from it, never to do it again. Now we have never been happier, I seriously hope this can happen in your marriage also. Good Luck!

Answer 3

First, I'm sorry for your loss. It is a loss or it should be. I'd loose that a**hole with a quickness that whole make his head spin. Call his cell phone and suggest that he stays where ever he is for now. You need to avoid a big blow up as long as the kids are around. When he does come home. Call your or his parents and ask if they can take the kids for the day. Then sit him down and ask him exactly what he expects you to do with this new found information. If you want him to leave ask him to go if you want him to stay ask him if he thinks he can give up other women and be your husband from here on out. It's really up to you. Do what you feel is right. just rember that fighting, no matter what the situation, is counter productive. He is going to be defensive more than likely, and he will try to deny it. Keep your cool and stick to your guns. You are a strong woman and you can handle this.

Answer 4

First let me say I am sorry you are going through this.I was in your position at one time also.You don't realize it but you have already answered your own question.Re-read what you wrote where you said that you USED to TRUST him.With that said Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage without Trust you have nothing.Once the bond of trust has been broken it is very hard to get it back (if ever).You say that you have children and let me tell you the worst mistake that parents make is staying together because of the children.That is just an excuse.The fact of the matter is if you stay together it only harms the children in the long run for several reasons.The most important reason to leave is because you have children.Do you really want your children to grow up and think that it is ok to cheat,be dishonest & disrespectful.NO ofcourse not.You also say that because of the children it won't be easy to leave and that is true it won't be easy but it CAN be DONE.I did it I was s ingle mom for several years and I survived it and so will you.You have to be strong and do what is right not only for yourself but also for your children.You have to have more respect for yourself and teach your children right from wrong and cheating is soo WRONG and unexcuseable and not acceptable and there is NO reason for it no matter what.I understand your feeling's of wanting to beat this lady up that is a normal reaction but it is not a normal solution.It will only get you in trouble and bring you down to her low level.You are better then her.Ofcourse you are hurt your husband has just ruined and ended your marriage but you will get over it and move on.He is not going to change no matter what he say's if they will do it once they will do it again and you deserve better and don;t ever allow anyone to disrespect you like that.That is the ultimate form of disrespect anyone can ever do to you.My suggestion to you is that you talk to your husband tell him you saw it with your own eyes and that was enough for you.Tell him you hope he enjoys himself and no matter what he say's you are filing for divorce because the trust is gone and there is no point in staying together.The next thing you need to do is make sure that child support is put into effect.Just because you can't be with him does not mean that he does not still have obligations to make sure his children are taken care of.Also I know you are hurt and upset but don't try and get back at him by keeping the children from him that will only hurt the kids's.He will suffer enough by losing you and having to pay child support.Like I said i am speaking from experience so if you want to talk feel free to e-mal or IM me and I will help you as much as I can.It is going to be scarey because it is gonna be a change for you but you can do it everybody is scared of change it is normal.Good Luck and I hope to hear from you I truely understand what you are going through and you don't have to do it alone.Also when you confront him be prepared to hear apologies and every promise in the world from him.And do not break and be weak no matter what he say's.You know you will never trust him again.You are a good person and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Answer 5

Why don't you follow him in another meeting this time with the children and sit the girl down and ask her if she is willing to work and help him pays child support because his salary will never be enough when you and the court fininsh wiht him and he certainly will not have time for her because he will need to work two job to pay child support
meaning that she will be spending more without her man
****Just be polite don't hit her, she does not own you respect your husband does ***
after you give her that litle peace of info you go home get your children ready for bed and you try to relax (don't drink because it will not help matter) but listen to music anyway just relax and wait for him to brink the matter up if he does talk about it
if he doesn't wait forhis next move
but tell a family member about your situation because these days you never know with man
Good Luck & Good bless

Answer 6

its not easy to pick up and leave, this is true. But what is also true is what his cheating is doing not only to you but to your children and what the long term reflections of this cheating will do to you all as a family. I would suggest marriage counseling, if this seems like a dead end then you will have to make plans to regain your life and your childrens lives without him in it. Yes it is hard, but so is the alternative, which evil will you live with? Once you loose your trust in someone, your love rots,if he really loves you, he will stop, if not, please get help and live life once more, life is way too short to live with a cheater! Been there, done that!

Answer 7

Why do you have these feelings towards the girl? It does not sound to me as if she raped him.... It does take two to tango. He would be the one I would want to beat the living crap out of. I would coyly asked him questions and then you will see that he is going to turn out to be a bald faced liar. He needs to cut a trail. Even if he confessed and begged to stay- how will you ever be able to trust him again? You would always be suspicious and wonder if he is cheating again. It will be hard, especially with four small children, but I do see another alternative that will be fair to you except for making him leave.

Answer 8

Dr. Phil has lots of good advice on his website. I don't know if you even like him or not but he's effective.

Call Cheaters if you want to get him on vid. Might be helpful in divorce court.

I know you want to kick him to the curb but think about being a single parent first. It's hard when everything is all on you and esp. if he is lax about paying the child support. I know from firsthand experience.

For some women a wedding ring turns them on. Psychos.

Take care of yourself right now and breathe deep, pray, call a preacher to say a prayer for you. Drink some chamomile tea, it's very soothing. You will be OK.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear about this it is hard and what to do is even harder.You don't want to resort to violence even though it seems like the right thing to do.And you can ask him till you are blue in the face about the affair he will just lie to you they all do it.So sit back survey your options and start making plans and actions about what you can do to move on with your life.Talk to a lawyer confide in a close family member or your clergy.Then ask him about what he is doing.And lay your cards on the table about seeing him with the other woman he will say it was innocent and tell him if it is then no more contact with her.If he confesses to this which I doubt then see if he wants to make this marriage work.If he does set down ground rules and go to joint marriage counseling.If he don't as hard as it may be divorce him and move on you deserve better and will find someone someday that will treat you right.Good Luck

Answer 10

I wouldn't waste my time asking a 100 questions. It is what it is.This should make it alot easier to leave with the kids. Don't use them for an excuse. Let him go live with his new love and file for divorce. Don't let him have the best of two worlds. As for the girl involved, why beat the crap out of her? She didn't do it all by herself. I'm sure he told her all kinds of crap about you that she wanted to hear. Good Luck and get away from him.Please!