First time parents @ 42.....Boyfriend is NOT happy!!?

Question

Me & my live-in sweetie have just found out I'm pregnant. I'm 42, he's 41 & neither of us have ever been married, nor do we have children. After the inital shock wore off, he has turned into a BIG jerk!! I keep getting comments like "If you really are pregnant" or "Let's wait & see" - I took 3 tests ( 2 with his "supervision") & he is becoming more of a jerk each day. Why has he suddenly become so mean & distant to me? (We weren't planning children, but had talked about what if.....) He seemed excited at first, but now he just acts like it is all my fault & refuses to even talk about it!! HELP!!

PS - I haven't used any birth control for over 12 years - didn't think children was in my or our future.

Answer 1

O.K., everyone keeps saying to ask him how he is feeling, talk to him about it, get him to open up.. if he is anything like my husband.. he doesn't want to be bothered with that stuff right now. He is trying to sort things out, and come to terms with it all on his own. How can he share with you how he really feels, if he doesn't know what it is he is feeling yet? Husband and I are pregnant with our fourth baby, he only reacted that away with the second one, I cried.. I didn't know what to do. I prayed about it, put it in Gods hands, and just didn't talk to him about the baby for a while.. he will come around and eventually talk to you about it when he is ready. If you keep pressuring him to talk about it, you will only make things worse, and maybe push him away even more in this very confusing time he is going through. I know that you yourself are probably going through mixed emotions, and you want more than anything to share your feelings with him, to know that things are going to be o.k., that he will be there for you and the baby, that he is happy about the baby... you will get to talk and spill your feelings.. but for now.. let everything sink in for him. If he doesn't change in after a little while, confront him about his acting like a jerk.

Answer 2

Wow....you are in a tough place. I am trying to think of what I can say that will help you or make this situation any easier for you. I guess that somewhere in the back of our minds we wonder how the man we love will react when we tell him we are expecting and when it is not anything like what we had imagined we are hurt and confused. I know that was the way it worked for me. I can only imagine how all this is making you feel.
It is of course possible that he just needs some time to come to grips with all of this. It is easier for you, you have felt the little twinges that told you something was going on, you have done the tests, you are the one that KNOWS that there is a baby growing inside of you.
42 is by no means too old to have a baby. When I had my last baby my husband was 47 years old and he was fine with it. So he is not too old either. I am sure that you already know that, if you read at all, you know that women are having babies later and later. You have every right to be happy and excited that you have been given this blessed gift of a child. You have been smiled on. We as women, alone, have the sacred ability to bring forth life. You thought that this gift had passed you by but it has not. I have no doubt that this baby will be the greatest gift in the world to you. The question is, will this man that you love come along for the joyous ride or is he going to sit back and grump about it? If he is being mean and distant to you now that is NOT a good sign. You have to get him to open up and talk to you. Find out what is on his mind. Is he worried that nothing will ever be the same again? Well, he is right, it will not be the same but it can be even better if he will let it. This baby can bring you closer together, it should not place a wedge between the two of you! This is the ultimate bond that two people can share. Does he even realize that this is part of him growing in there? He may be thinking of it as an intrusion, make him know that it is happening to both of you. Maybe he just needs to feel included.
All you can do is try. Talk to him, make love to him, do all that you can to reassure him that he is still #1 to you. Men can revert to big babies at this time....I know.
If it boils down to the sad fact that he does not want to have this baby then you will have to deal with that fact.
If it were me I would go on alone and hope that at some point he would change his mind. If he did not I would take the child support checks and be sorry for his loss, because he is the one who is the loser. But, that is a decision only you can make. I know that there is not one man alive on the face of this earth that is worth one of my precious children ( I have 5) but that is for you and only you to decide.
Take care and if you need someone to talk to get in touch with me, this is what I do.
Blessings
Lady T~

Answer 3

He might just be scared. The thought of being parents at your age might scare him. And not I am not calling you old nor I am saying that there is anything wrong with having a baby at that age. I am just saying that maybe he is really scared and this is how he is coping. Let him know that you are excited and want this baby and want him to be happy too. Ask him to tell you his feelings. Let you know what he is thinking. If that doesn't make him feel better than tell him that you are having the baby and want him to be part of its life. Let him know that you love this child and want him to, but that you don't want choose one or the other, or that if you do, it's the baby. I am not trying to be mean in any way, I am just telling you what I would say if I were in your shoes. Good luck and congrats on the baby.

Answer 4

Im pretty sure its just the initial shock of the pregnancy. I mean if you have not used birth control me probably expected no children. But give him some time, He will come around and you will find this will be very exciting for both of you after the shock dies down!! Congradulations

Answer 5

Well, not using birth control is pretty much asking to get pregnant.
Anyway, your SO is acting like a child.
He is probably in shock but will certainly get over it one way or another.
How long have you been together?
Are YOU happy to be pregnant and do you think you can have the baby if he doesn't come around?
Think about this carefully.

Answer 6

I think he is in total shock, and given time, will come round more to the idea. I hope so anyway!

But I do wonder why you didn't use birth control for 12 years. Did you perhaps secretly hope for this outcome?

Good luck.

Answer 7

Tell him straight. How is it your fault? Ok you haven't used birth control, if he really didn't want to have kids he should have used some himself or gotten a vasectomy. It takes 2 to make life.
As for the future, decide what you want to do, and tell him, he should do the same. It is your body, don't let anyone push you into something you don't want to do. I wish you the very best :-)

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I hope you've pointed it out to him that you didn't get this way by yourself. Want to play the game, you're gonna have to face the consequences sometimes.

But, it is partly your own fault if you haven't used birth control.

Give BF some time to shape up. Maybe he will. If he doesn't, you will need to face this by yourself.

Answer 10

well you have to make a decision as a first time parent dear you dont have to keep putting up with what your so called live in boy friend says i do believe he is a big jerk and you dopnt have to accept his ignorance but good luck with your first pregnancy give me a shout at [e-mail]