where is the boundary between giving advice and controlling someone's life?

Question

you know, you often care about people around you, try to give them advice, it hurts when they make a mistake etc...
and then if a friend accuses you of running/controlling their lives... wheres that boundary between giving advice and caring "too much"? and how do you avoid crossing it?

Answer 1

If you're not someone who has a controlling personality it is pretty easy to offer an opinion without attempting to force that opinion on the other person.

I generally don't give advice (although if it is one of my kids and they ask I will answer). I more say what I think and hope that the other person takes what I think as nothing more than that.

If you do decide to give advice, though, if you give it with the idea that the person may or may not take it that isn't controlling. It is when you expect them to follow your advice that the wish to control starts to kick in.

Usually advice is just talk and no action. It usually isn't offensive unless the person isn't interested in hearing anyone's advice. Advice that involves action and emotional involvement tends to get closer to the borderline.

I think if you state your opinions without adding advice that's the wisest thing. If someone asks for advice then give the advice and only the advice, but don't expect them to follow it. Again, opinions and this type of advice are just words - no emotional investment, no actions on the part of the advice-giver.

"Caring too much" can equal not respecting the other person, as you know; and caring too much can often come from lack of respect for the other person in one way or another (either assuming they're too easy, too young, too stupid, too quick to make decisions, etc.) - and there's a point where appointing yourself judge of what someone else is or does is pretty egocentric.

Answer 2

Sort out the priorities first , some times trivial things need to be eliminated for they will compile and then you will sound like a control freak or a chronic nag. Let the big issues surface before you make a statement, and above all don't say a thing until you are asked and then hesitate, by asking them twice, Do you really want my opinion? When they say yes do not be emotional use the powers of reason. Then you respond by saying it is there life not yours but you are only concerned for their welfare, and if they tell you that again, back off and don't discuss those things with them again until they beg you and then go to the phone book find a counselor and let their fingers do the walking and the talking to get themselves help, because you are becoming co-dependent on this sort of thing if it has gotten to you now it could become an obsession and you will need the psyche help as well. My advice is to really drop the situation now and get them help and if they don't go it's time to blow the pop stand and move on with your own life.

Answer 3

i think of your husband has a valid factor. Had he mentioned some thing approximately it, how are you able to be so specific which you does no longer have thrown "properly my mom and dad are those procuring it" in his face? i think of its large that your mom and dad are helping you out lots however the factor of being an person is which you be taught to look after your self and your loved ones. a marriage is meant to be between 2 people...there are way too a lot of people in touch already. and that i'm specific it does not make him experience any greater effective that on the same time as his mom and dad can possibly supply you adult males with a staggering comforter set, your mom and dad are paying for a complete living house. He in all probability feels insufficient. If doing it on your guy or woman skill a smaller living house or fewer presents, then do it. you will no longer starve and you will want a heat place to place your head at evening. that's what's significant.

Answer 4

there are many issues in life which you can scrutinize. take your question for example, it is true that there are people who really think they have the power to control someone and not knowing that it is just a dream. but, there are also people who gives advice out of care and concern yet not knowing that they are irrelevant to the person being advised. so you don't have to be angry with this and try to understand and not make a fuss of it.

to avoid crossing the boundary, don't force the other party to accept your opinion. this is all i can tell you. i cannot emphasize on my solution to your problem as you're not my girlfirend.

Answer 5

When you give an advice, you show your concern, your caring for the other person. You tell your opinion which you believe will help one decide for the best. And there, you stop.

If you continue telling him the same thing again and again and you have means of pressing him to finally behave the way you are telling him to, then, you are controlling his life.
Advice, is caring. Control is selfishness

Answer 6

you must refrain from trying to make decisions and allow your opinion to be a consideration when one makes thier own choice, very difficult sometimes

Answer 7

Ah.......... that is a line so fine it is almost impossible to see!