I have a promlem with mhy wife she has cheated and lied ann so much more I hate her but I love her am i crazy... ? what's up with me .. ok ;please only serious answers. and ony someone over 35 I am hurting so bad..
2007-01-20 22:22:40 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you can love them but hate things about them. You have to run away from her. You have to think of the trail behind you, and what will be on the road ahead if you get back with her. Every minute she is not with you, you will wonder where she is, what shes doing, and when she'll be back. Is that a relationship? If I am cheated on, its DONE! There is no more trust, and I don't want to spend my relationship wondering. Your friends will think of you as a chump. SHE will treat you like a puppet, as that is what you will appear to her as. She will not feel any 'support' from you, as she will see that you are not strong enough to be supportive, due to letting her walk all over you. If she gets away with it once, its easier for her to do it again, and again.
We hurt in these situations because we want to prove ourselves to them, and continue the challenge of gaining her acceptance of us. If she is allowed to walk on you, she will never accept or look up to you as a man.
Go allow someone else the opportunity to see who you really are, and let her regret what she did the rest of her life.
2007-01-20 22:35:33 · answer #1 · answered by degroove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely know how you feel, but after a little time I realized I did not hate him, I hated what he had done. I still loved him I just did not LIKE him all the time...I hope this helps. Im sorry you have to deal with those feelings. I remember thinking how glad I was that we were working things out and how much I love him, and in just a matter of minutes I would get disgusted when I looked at him and wanted nothing more than to spit in his face and walk away. Things are better now, I am glad I did not make any rash decisions out of hurt or anger. We talked and he is truley sorry and we no longer take each other for granted. In a strange way his affair has shown us how much we do love and need each other. But it takes time and LOTS of communication. Good Luck!
Sorry I am only 33 but been married 11 yrs.
2007-01-21 01:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok im not over 35 but take me seriously...
if u have been with her for a while, u might just feel as though u dont know how to live on ur own any more... if u dont trust her and u cant forgive her for what she has done, u do need to move on... why waste another year to 30 on something that u just know deep in ur heart wont last or work...
its ok that u still love her... u have been through a lot together and u have married her... but u could only be loving her in a "seriously care about her way" but ur not IN LOVE with her because u look at her as a horrible person that broke ur heart... u need to be with someone that u are IN LOVE with and Love and the same time... just caring about someones well being isnt enough to work it out...
ps u should be able to look in the mirror and say to urself that u deserve better than being cheated on and u deserve better than a liar, and u deserve better than someone u feel as though u are just stuck with
2007-01-20 22:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by red.one9luv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with I am over 35 so I meet your criteria.
Love and hate are both passionate feelings. Passion both good and bad comes from the same area of the brain. Feelings of passion are intense and most times illogical. So yes it is possible to feel both feelings for the same person and that can make a person feel like they are unstable.
Old saying that still rings very true (especially in your situation), "There is a fine line between love and hate." Sometimes that line gets blurry.
I hope you can get past the hate and go back to the love, for both your sakes.
2007-01-20 23:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. I'm 49, so this puts me in that category! My wife (2nd) came real close to cheating. In fact many people would say she did. There was no intercourse but there was kissing. However, they got caught, by his wife! Seeing as he was my brother it was especially degrading to me. I hated her for it! The problem was I was truly in love with her. This isn't a "love the woman hate the sin" kind of thing either. Hate set in and I went searching for a lawyer. However, before proceedings set in we had a sit down and really talked. She disclosed everything and since there was still love there deep down, and I knew since there was no intercourse, that there may be hope. I hate to say it but that semi-affair saved our marriage! The honesty after has been mind boggling. Don't get me wrong, if there had been intimacy I would have bolted! It's just my character! We've been together almost 19 years! If she passes I will still belong to her alone. Love never stays in one plain, it always grows. Hate however, knows only one plain.
2007-01-20 22:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey man, I have been hurting for more than a year, in the same situation, and the spiritual pain does not live me alone. I can feel I am burning between love and hatred. No matter how much I love her, I am going to leave her, I can live without love or find another, but I am not able to live with this devouring pain and the feeling of being cheated. I tried hard to forgive her but I failed. You will always remember her cheats as far as you have self-respect, and you will suffer till you lose your memory, till your last day, and life will become a heavy burden of suffer. At least that's what I predict about my joint life with her.
2007-01-20 22:35:44 · answer #6 · answered by Arturo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not crazy just hurt.This will in time subside and though you won´t forget you will learn to live with it and move on.If this behaviour is constant then you need to leave her.If it is a one off cheat then work through it if thats what you both want.If kids are involved then don´t stay just for them as thats not fair either.
When someone cheats it takes a long time to get back to a state of trust,it won´t happen overnight so make sure your both in it for the longhaul.
Good luck
I´m 37 married 20yrs
2007-01-20 22:33:22 · answer #7 · answered by MI5 WANNABE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u hate what she did to u, and how helpless u are at doing anything about it. u love what the relationship use to be, or how she use to make u feel. u mourn what has been lost and hate her for doing it. u hate her because u aren't sure if the marriage can ever be put back together. yes we can love them and hate them at the same time. but sooner or later we are going to have to decide what we need to do about it. yes it does hurt, and only time will help the pain of it. maybe u need to talk to her, see where her heart is at, ask her once to stop what she is doing, and if she won't, than she don't love u, and you will have to get out of the marriage, even though it hurts u.
2007-01-21 01:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry to hear of your plight.
Yes, it is possible to hate and love someone at the same time. The opposite of love is not hate, but it is having no feelings for the person. Love and hate are sisters, and hate and love are really related on the same side and having no feelings on the opposite side.
If you and your wife believe your marriage is worth saving, you both need to go to consoling.
What helped me was Don Henley's song, "Forgiveness".
2007-01-20 23:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea you just hate what she is doin to you, i felt that way too my first wife made me feel like i was nobody, the more money i made still was not enough nothing was ever good enough,but i loved her it took some time to leave and not come back. if she is cheating then you should get away cause she don't want to be doin it with you don't hate just get away and be the better person walk away let her have that person it will happen to him it's just a matter of time!
2007-01-20 22:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by allan l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋