I take a lot from my husband I love him but I do not think the feeling is mutuall. He spends more time trying to be apart from me then trying to be with me. I wish he would just tell me. I feel so unwanted in my on marriage we have four children and stick it out for them, but I don't think I can take much mor neglect. I want to be happy I wanted that with him but I think he wants happiness with someone other than me. What should I do? How many times can someone tell you there going to change and hurt you all over with the same bull crap.
2007-01-20 21:44:22 · 18 answers · asked by Tyisha J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
babe sounds like ur man is cheating
2007-01-24 12:43:22 · answer #1 · answered by LYN p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I commend you for wanting to make your relationship work for the sake of your children...but in reality what about your personal happiness? Life is gone in a blink and you must not avoid personal happiness and contentment staying in a marriage that is without affection and respect.. I think that damages children because they tend to model what they see and feel.
However this is what I would do. I would make an appointment with a couple therapist and let your husband know that you are going with or without him because you can no longer tolerate the lack of communication, affection and broken promises. You are correct...you are in a "cycle of bull crap" and only you can change the cycle by enforcing change in the dyad. Now this may or may not work out BUT isn't it more painful sitting on the fence??...it has got to hurt. By taking action you will feel empowered...but it is probably going to hurt a lot less then simply tolerating a desert of a relationship. You deserve love, loyalty, affection and attention...good luck. Hopefully the doors of communication can be opened for both of you.
2007-01-21 06:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deserves to be happy, especially the children. Life is too short.
My first marriage, I tolerated physical and mental abuse and neglect for 13 years.
My second marriage, I tolerated neglect and mental abuse for 7 years.
My third marriage, I tolerated mental abuse and being cheated on for 4 years.
Now I have a man that I just want to be happy with and so far so good. We have been together for 2 years and we hardly ever argue. There is still hope, so if you have done all you can to save your marriage up to this point, then I would really consider a peaceful separation and go about your life. Make it better for everyone. Live close to each other so the children can have you both so they can at least have the best of both worlds.
Good Luck!
2007-01-21 06:12:45 · answer #3 · answered by LM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you should exhaust every possibility before giving up on a marriage. Did you two try counseling yet? Give that a try, he may have some things going on that you don't know about that is effecting his behavior or inability to show love and attention toward you.
If counseling doesn't work, then maybe you should move on. Staying in a loveless relationship never is a good thing. The kids see it and pick up on it. They are very observant. They would rather have a happy mom and dad separate than an unhappy couple together. Believe me. Good luck.
2007-01-21 06:14:31 · answer #4 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you take a lot from your husband, this means that you do not give of yourself freely, that you have to force yourself. This is the reason that he doesn't want to be around you, he loves you and doesn't want to feel as if you are forcing yourself to do anything. He doesn't feel loved, or welcomed by you, Pitty he isn't neglecting you, he is trying to respect you. You mentioned change, and you are looking for him to change, but what can you change that would make the situation better? Remember he is only half the problem, but I bet you feel he is the problem. And he doesn't want to be with someone who has a problem with him.
2007-01-21 06:01:14 · answer #5 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish i could answer that...i am going thru the same thing....i love the man with every part of me, but i just don't feel like i'm getting it in return....I think eventually we have to do what is best for ourselves...move on
2007-01-21 05:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by fedupwu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you think that sticking it out for your kids is the best but thats actually the worst. I mean if he isnt happy and is making you unhappy why not get away from each other? dont make the kids suffer.
2007-01-21 06:32:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stick around just for the kids. They see the unhappiness and it affects them for life. Do what you need to do for them and you for all of your better good.
2007-01-21 06:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enough is now! What are you waiting for? Are you going to wait until he has sucked all the life out of you. You are probably making your kids just as miserable. Please don't let that happened.
2007-01-21 05:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by ladybug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't stay for the kids. they hear the arguments and fights. in their minds, they think they are somehow at fault. they can sense your unhappiness. if you have to ask how much is enough, it is too much. get him gone.
2007-01-21 07:46:48 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tomorrow morning open your phone book to attorneys. Then call one.
2007-01-21 05:56:49 · answer #11 · answered by bill a 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋