any ideas? she happily talks about 'trivia', we have a laugh together over lots of thinsg, she asks me stuff,i give best reply i can, but important stuff she just shrugs about. when i ask if she thinks about her birth dad, she says'nah not really'. she has3photos in room, 1of him, 1 of stepdad,1 of grandad, the 1 of her dad has been scratched on th eface, and a phot out of a mag of some boys face has been stuck at bottom of pic with a talk'bubble' saying 'why me?' - i found it under pillow when i was making room for her friends when they had b/day sleepover here! i put it back,haven't mentioned it. together with out of character behaviour (tho seems relieved to have been found out and acting more like herself[cynical voice-or is she really??]) i am worried that she could be suppressing lots of feelings&emotions. tell her frequently that she can talk about ANYTHING to me,thats what mums are for etc. my mum suggests counselling for her..what do u think??
2007-01-20 20:57:48 · 20 answers · asked by hedgewitch 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
From what you describe previously I can't begin to imagine what is going through her mind regarding her Dad. It sounds like she has rightly identified him as a potential minefield, and if all he does is serve as a warning against his mistakes he will have done you both a big favour. But how she feels about this I don't know, and maybe she doesn't know either. Give her space to have a normal relationship with the stepdad, and if she doesn't want to mention her birth dad then so be it.
Reassure her (if she asks) that she is part of you -as well as part of him, and that each person is shaped as much by the person that raises them as by the ones that conceived them. More importantly perhaps, each person can also choose who helps to shape their life -and this works for adults too.
2007-01-20 22:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by Tertia 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like a build up of hate toward her father probably stemming from the fact that she see's her friends families, all happy and joy and light with both parents at home!
Not uncommon - she is probably blaming herself (for whatever reason - even though it is wrong to think that).
You need to reassure her that you have felt the same way about problems in the past and it is always good to talk it over! Ask her to go away and think about it for a little while and tell her that you feel bad because you know that something is wrong but don't know how to help if she won't talk! Try the old - I was a teenager once you know!
She'll open up and talk if she see's that it is upsetting you!
2007-01-20 21:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by jamand 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the poor little darling needs to be counceled but also needs to find her own way around her hurt....
She must be hurting alot too scratch the face and cover a face with a mag pic is very sad...
Dont pressure her as that will make her shy away from you even more... DONT mention her dad to her.. let her come to you and initaiate it.. If there is a reason to question her then ask her but dont rub salt into her woulds she is obviously hurting enough.
2007-01-20 21:04:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest just the opposite. Coming from a mom's perspective, you should probably give her some space. She will talk when she is ready. Does she have an aunt that she could maybe confide in. I don't know what it is about teenage girls, but their moms are usually the last person they want to talk to. As long as you don't thing she is going to do anything drastic, just let her deal with her hurt by herself.
2007-01-20 21:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by fedupwu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers spend a lot of time trying to get to terms with their emotions. I wouldn't read too much into it, if I were you. You sound like a good mother, she knows she can come to you. I try to make sure that I have a space for my daughter - in my life, it's when she should be getting ready for bed and if I think there's a problem, I go to bed early to read. She comes upstairs, sees me all on my own and jumps into bed with me. Then she'll start talking - anything to avoid going to bed. One subject leads to another. I don't get involved with her friends unless I can give advice. That's a minefield.
I'd go with the flow, if I were you. To encourage counselling might be putting problems into her head that actually aren't there.
2007-01-20 21:12:51 · answer #5 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just watch her carefully.. She does sound troubled, but most of the time they come out of it with a great deal of support which you sound like you are giving her a lot of. My 3 are 15, 13 and 11 and their father left us when the youngest was 6 weeks. I have always spoke openly about him, if they asked, and I never bad mouthed him, I just knew that they would make their own mind up about him, and sure enough they have done. They also cut his head off most of 'our' photographs, but I let them ask me whatever they wanted, and answered them honestly. What age is your daughter?? the out of character behaviour could just be down to her age, as they start acting strangly around 13!! best of luck anyway x
2007-01-20 21:08:09 · answer #6 · answered by tizzy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her friends for help... She may talk to them. Tell her friends your are worried about her and upset she is hurting and want to know why so can make her better.
Maybe have a talk about her dad and how its nothing to do with her.
Much like if she and a boyfriend split up it would be nothing to do with mum. Its just she cant be in all places at once.
Mybe having trouble finding friends (girls very bitchy) or needs a boyfriend and other girls have one.
Offer to help.
Also leave info like childline
www.childline.org.uk 08001111 in uk
These may help too anyway as a teenager.
www.ruthinking.org.uk
www.childline.org.uk
www.4yp.co.uk
www.fpa.org.uk
www.brook.org.uk
www.drugscope.org.uk
www.lifeline.org.uk
www.talktofrank.com
And for you too... Go though all thorughly... (and I suggest you get the lifeline catalogue),
Also... you wont like this but may help...
One of the good things about a fight with spouce is everything comes out... more like thrown at spouce.
So maybe to stop everything being help in is to pull the strings that pick a fight and accelerate it, like turbo on a car to get her to open up and scream whats hurting her and what shes going through, ie twist her into saying stuff till energy spikes (may be physical and as the enrgy deletes and drains she should start crying or you grab her to diserpate it... Its then she shuold be very open and talking and crying and saying whats upsetting her... and say you care and you had to do this to get her to open up and tell you whats wrong.
Bit like you cant break into the castle so need to provoke the solgiers inside to come out at you and loose control then capture them when out of juice and exhusted and then say ok now we talk.
2007-01-20 22:24:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you do is to do and make something that your teen loves and try and incurage them to open up about what is happening! that is what i do to my child. Counselling is a good idea if she/he does want to talk to someone else insted of you. Try your best because that is what you can only hope for. Ask your friends about it cause it might help you loads! and ask your daught/son's friends too cause they might know what is happening and what you should do cause it would maybe a lot to you, if this does work then i am glad cause i never knew about this before.This happened to my daughter cause she was upset about her dad before in 2004 when he died of different things(cancer ect.) if you want to talk to someone e-mail me at daniellenoblegopez@yahoo.co.uk. danny xxxxx
2007-01-21 01:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have had some good advice from people on here and I dont want to just repeat what they have said but I was looking on the internet for you and came across 3 sites that maybe of use to you its http://www.4troubledteens.com http://www.parentingteens.com
http://www.teenhelp.org
Something else that maybe of use to you and your kids is to go to family mediation, I know that it has helped alot of people in similar situations, the website is http://www.familymediationscotland.org.uk
Even if your not living in scotland they should be able to give you details of family mediation near where you live. Good luck
2007-01-20 23:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by thedaddy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers behave in a different manner and sometimes they behave rudely also. They need lots of affection. So shower affection on them and let them know and feel the same. Also, show them they have enough security as, many of them feel that they are insecured.
2007-01-20 22:27:05 · answer #10 · answered by Sai Tej 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋