to make a long story short. I am in a wonderful relationship for six months with a wonderful man. We are both getting ready to move out of our separate apartments to a better place and really want to live together. The problem: we are both under thirty I have custody of my child. ( which he totally accepts) he has custody of two out of the three children he has. So I'll be going from mom of 1 to 3 overnight? Would you take this step or move on in hopes to find someone with less baggage.
2007-01-20 20:48:47 · 10 answers · asked by salena1981 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
wait!! he received custody of his children two months into the relationship. The children's mother was seen unfit and it was an emergency situation. her rights were just recently taken away THIS Week! The children have been abused and have medical problems. both under age 8. plus three kids? I never wanted more than three do I now have to give up my want to have a another biological child. My family wants me to leave him immediately. I love him and his kids are great. I think Im worried about what other people would say
2007-01-20 21:29:47 · update #1
i would wait. i would tell him of your concerns and ask him if he's willing to talk to someone regarding all the children and how as parents, to deal with child rearing-usually this is a big issue between to parents who have children by others.
it will save you a lot of heart ache.
the other reason is that 6 months is not long enough even if you dont have kids.
I can tell your not quite ready because you are posting this question looking for either acceptence of your choice of moving in, or your own insecurities of things that are probably not resolved and the unknown.
I'm sure he's a great man, however, no man is perfect! :o)
There is however, your own version of perfect, but 6 months is not enough time to make it a rational decision...I'd wait at least 6 more months to another year.
For others: Children are not "baggage". The seriousness in this issue is that there are children (lives) involved. This young lady seems like she's got her heart in the right place, but responsible enough to take concern where "all" the children are concerned.
Parenting styles differ, especially towards each parents children.
They need counceling and learn how to deal with and come to conclusions as to how to raise them all as if they were their own children.
If it is true love and lasting love for all concerned, certainly this man will be willing to be a better parent in joining with this young lady for counseling. It will be better for all of them to do so. Best interests should be the highest concern-for the children.
Hugs and Good Luck.
2007-01-20 20:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a blended family situation, as you know. The issues will likely arise out of parenting each other's kids ... and perceptions that one kid(s) is favored, disciplined more, not given equal time, etc.
It really takes some good parenting and relationship skills to make a blended family work. Both of you be careful. Personally, I think 6 mos. is too short a time in this particular situation.
2007-01-21 04:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by morahastits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago and he has 4 kids. My family just found out that he is divorced and they accept it and he really makes me happy. If you really do love him then stick with him. I'm sure you'll make a great mom of 3. I haven't met my boyfriends kids yet. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Marie:snowman34432@yahoo.com
2007-01-21 07:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept it. You're willing to screw up something wonderful just because of baggage? That's selfish. I'm sure u've met the kids already.
2007-01-21 04:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by stephyrose87 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just maintain your apartment. The only way to get out is to ask him to marry you legally either through the registrars office or through the church. The way he reacts will let you know how he really feels about marriage, responsibility and commitment
2007-01-21 04:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by cynnie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sure is a tough task, but you knew he has children when you meet him, right? So, try to do your best and accept his children as he accepted your kid.Things might go wrong, but I am sure you can work it out if there is love and understanding otherwise.
2007-01-21 04:53:33 · answer #6 · answered by Vesna G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if the children all get aklong well, go ahead. sounds like a good match . all the best !
besides, what are the chances of finding my perfect who doesnt have kids /is single. if your doing grwat go ahead
god bless!
2007-01-21 04:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is totally up to you.
Is he worth it?
You both have baggage, and he's willing.
2007-01-21 04:53:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should leave him so he can find someone else that will care about him and his kids.
2007-01-21 05:01:34 · answer #9 · answered by You_Asked 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
run fast VERY VERY FASTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
2007-01-21 04:56:39 · answer #10 · answered by cds 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋