My partner just called me a 'stupid slag'?

Question

We have been together for three years we have a daughter together and I am pregnant. He is usually lovely I have never seen him do this. He has been stressed at work lately but this is no excuse.
I told him that I don't know if I can ever forgive him for this. I don't know what to do I don't want to leave him over a one off incident but I don't know how I could stay with him and keep my self respect after he called me such a horrible name. I realy love him and can't understand why he has done this, he is a perfect father and boyfriend. Why would he want to ruin everything?

Answer 1

sounds out of character, and probably because of stress with work and another babby on the way. There is far worse he could do than call you a name, so forgive him, give him a big hug and tell him your are both in this together, so whatever's troubling him you can help if he shares it with you. He sounds a good guy and he needs your support - to consider leaving him over name-calling belittles your relationship. Get over it and support him.

Answer 2

forget the meaning of the words, what he has done is just plain rude and offensive. Obviously there is tension between you two which, in other circumstances, might have resulted in an exchange of "silly cow" or something like that - words which you would not have been so insulting. So this has moved up a notch, reflecting the added stress that he is feeling or, perhaps, the added responsibilities he is to undertake. Don't forget that he is now teh breadwinner for an increasing family which means that he has to keep his job, keep working, even if he doesn't like it or his boss is a bully. I'm not making excuses for him, but he's obviously feeling quite powerless and there may be other factors at work..
I'd recommend that you find some quiet time alone and don't make this a confrontation but just tell him "look, we're a team, we're a family, we're all in this together". That will reinforce yoru bond. Then tell him that the words he used were rude and thoughtless, that you're neither stupid - since you chose him - nor a slag - since you sleep with him. Ask him how he would feel if a man used those words to his daughter? He'll probably see the hurt in that. That you are prepared to forgive and forget this and move on but could he watch his words in future.
This is a small blip in an otherwise good relationship, don't let it ruin your family. Words are cheap, it's actions that count. In all other respects you say he is a wonderful man ..

Answer 3

I have to admit that I have done this to my wife aswell which I deeply regret. She is also pregnant with our 3rd child and in a big row I degraded both her and myself by calling her a 'slag' and if your husband is anything like me then I am sure that he deeply regrets it. I know that doesnt make up for what he called you and no excuse justifies what he said to you. You would have every right to not forgive him for this, my wife nearly left me over it but please just dont rush into any decision, talk to him about if and make sure he knows just how much he has understandably hurt you and explain to him how it has made you feel about yourself, him and your relationship. I am not in any way condoning what he called you but you say you really love him and he must really love you and your daughter deep down too as you say he is a perfect father and boyfriend, so please dont through your relationship away straight away, try and work things out with him. If he is having problems at work and this is effecting home life then see about some kind of couples therapy, relate offer a good counselling service or maybe your gp could help. I know its hard having kids as we get little time to have 'adult time' so why not see if someone can look after your daughter and go out for a nice meal together and a chat and see if you can get on track to sorting this out. I wouldnt usually 'air' my personal life on the internet but as husband, dad and daddy to be, I wouldnt want to see you break up your family that cleary mean so much to you unless you were sure its what had to happpen because I know that you need to do what best for and your daughter and unborn baby . Good luck

Answer 4

You are right. Nothing is any excuse for name-calling at all. You are carrying his child and are entitled to be treated with the greatest consideration and respect. Bearing and caring for a man's child is a gigantic favour (although I am NOT for one moment suggesting that mothers should arbitrarily stop children from seeing their fathers without very good reason) - your partner owes you a very humble, sincere and abject apology. IF that is forthcoming then perhaps you should consider staying with him.

If he makes no apology and appears totally unrepentant, then yes, it is probably time to start packing your things and arrange alternative accommodation. Or better still, suggest that he packs his things and moves out, that way the disruption to you and your daughter will be much less. Obviously I realise it would be traumatic for your little girl to see her daddy go, but at the same time it would have lasting ill-effects for a child to see her father treating her mother like this. It would set in her impressionable mind the notion that this is how men are supposed to treat women, with the result that in years to come you may have the distressing experience of seeing your beautiful daughter repeatedly form relationships with "toxic" men who disrespect her and treat her badly.

Your partner, no matter what stresses he is under, needs to realise that his behaviour was wholly unacceptable.

Personally I would be tempted to pack his things for him and leave them outside, bolting the doors. He ought to have some crawling to do before he's allowed back in the house or back into your good books.

Answer 5

If its out of character for him its probably stress, dont dump the guy and deprive the kids of a good da coz of 2 words that he said. Also, it takes 2 to argue, did you say anything to wind him up? If his job is controlling his personall life maybe its time to find a new job. My wife has told me in arguements that im not the father of our kids and implied I abuse them, thats worse than anything but im strong enough inside to forgive that and still love her. If it happened all the time then that would be different. Make him promise not to do it again and forget about it. Its just words, not a punch in the mouth or an affair.

Answer 6

Don't forgive him too easily and make him appologise for the remark. You need to forgive him though. However, when people are very angry, all sorts come out when you don't mean to be so crude. It might have been a slip of the tounge but where did the slag bit come from? It might have been better if it was b1tch. Is there a reason for him to use that word? Does he have reason to think you are a slag?

Sticks & Stones....

Answer 7

Think back to all you yourself have said and done to and with him recently, ask yourself the questions, why?? then cry A LOT. we guys are just suckers for the tears of our lovers, and want to make them feel better, there are worse names he could have called you, check out Big Brothers recent history.. and think of the reasons Jade was voted off the programme, what she is doing in the business she is in I am staggered to come to terms with. I am much more than certain you are definitely not like her. and so should your boyfriend be too. ok so you are pregnant, your Boyfriend should be enjoying these days with you as well, so search your mind, and begin to love each other again, and more intensly than before, I do honestly hope you make it all up again, for there lies the love, in the power and honesty in making up disagreements, mmmm love him like he was never loved, and get that horrible word out of your relationship...

Answer 8

Im sure he didnt mean it, some phrases are spoken without any meaning. Maybe he was just a bit fired up and needed a release from the stress at work. I wouldnt take it to heart, unless it happened more often. let him know that you dont like that sort of language, so he knows not to do it again.

Answer 9

If you think that this is out of chacter for him to behave this way,,,then there is something troubleing him enormously.... was the second child planned?.... you mentioned he is stressed with work, could there be a real fear that his job is threatened in some way, maybe he feels that things could get hard with a second child on the way...i dont know these are things you need to ask him... i think that he feels pressured, and this is how he is showing it.....whatever it is communication is always key.

Answer 10

Difficult to answer when the full circumstances are unknown.

If people are stressed and saying things hastily in response to further stress it's unlikely to be anything other than a release of emotion rather than a pre meditated abuse.