thank you for such an insighful answer, it made me cry! please read my 2nd posting too! all advice gratefully received, i'm torn between thinking she'll pull thru and that she could possibly need some kind of counselling... sorry to impose, but if you can find the time to reply to the 2nd posting that'd be great. i'm ill with worry. p.s. now moved etc kids have restarted some of their hobbies etc!
2007-01-20 20:33:58 · 3 answers · asked by hedgewitch 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Despite the tough road you've all had, it sounds like things are beginning to improve, and it also sounds like you are a good mother with real empathy towards your children. I'm willing to bet she knows that despite everything, you'll be there for her and have her best interests at heart.
That said, there has been a lot of turmoil in her young life, unavoidable, but a fact.
I think that if you keep spending time with her, as you are already, it will pay off in the long term. Make sure you have some one-on-one time with her too, and let her know all the ways that she is different to your other children, and the reasons why you LIKE her, and like spending time with her, as well as the reasons why you love her.
No matter what you do, she will have her own issues that she may never be comfortable talking to you about. She's a person in her own right, and her experiences shape the way she views the world and her own place in it. Getting her some 'good' friends or helping her to develop a close relationship with her older sister may be a way of giving her a chance to talk these things out with someone. My own view is that she's a little young for counselling yet, but I may well be wrong there. The main thing would be that she has a sympathetic ear and a chance to air her ideas about things.
I think this is a bit of a crazy age for girls anyway. Hormones and self-awareness and ideas about self-image all start tumbling in, and it must be very confusing. The main thing for her to know now, is that she's a good person, that she makes a difference just by being who she is, and that she has people who love her no matter what mistakes she makes. The more loved and secure she feels, the more value is placed on her, the better she will feel about herself.
Have faith in her. I'm sure once she settles at school and gets back into her hobbies, things will improve.
2007-01-20 21:03:48 · answer #1 · answered by RM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've read all yr others and you've had some good advice. The disadvantage with counselling is that nobody knows the full situation and all the details better than you and your daughter, so you are her best buddy in this respect. Changeovers in the family are difficult but 12 is well able to get to grips with them and a whole load of other factors too - don't hide the problems you're having let her know you are doing the best you can and if there is some way she can help thats good too.
On the paedo thing- I don't know the best way forward there. I mention it when it comes up in the news, and save newspaper articles for mine it is a kind of drip-drip thing rather than a big talk. She told me when a girl up the road was nearly kidnapped by some men in a van, and when her mate got beat up badly and ended up in hospital after a night clubbing (mine 19 now)
She needs an awareness of what is going on, and a means to contact you to let you know where she is -so she will need that mobile phone back. Also discuss with her how to contact you if her phone gets stolen. Set ground rules about the time she comes in and be unmovable on this for a 12 year old. And if she is late don't be so cross that you forget to tell her it is because you were worried for her safety.
2007-01-20 20:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by Tertia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things will get better and better: there is certainly light ahead, press on! You have the good wishes of a lot of good people: be assured!
2007-01-20 23:09:40 · answer #3 · answered by swanjarvi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋