we have been married for 9 months but together for 4years after being separated for 2years and before that we were together for 2years we have 2 beautiful kids and i have told him how i feel and he just tries to buy my me either with jewelry or a weekend to ourselves but still i feel like I am with him because he loves me and for our kids but i don't think i can do it anymore this is why we were separated the first time and even then I felt the same way i just don't enjoy being with him i feel like we are friends with benefits it doesn't feel like a relationship or a marriage anymore what do i do?
2007-01-20 19:52:38 · 7 answers · asked by zanna143 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think luckylady has a good point.
Marriage with anyone, not just with him, is going to get stale after a while. For it to continue to feel like a relationship or a marriage "anymore" takes effort. For everyone. This isn't just some horrible consequence that befell you. It happens to EVERYONE. The thing is, it sounds to me like he is making alot of that effort. And you are just throwing your hands up thinking that if those feelings don't just fall out of the sky and bash you over the head, then it must be a hopeless disaster. You are a wife and mother now, and it's time to grow up and take your part of the responsibility for the state of your relationship.
Doubt is normal. Fear is normal. We all go there eventually. But you have a really good thing-a husband who loves you and is trying to make things work even though you've told him you only have lukewarm feelings. If you don't start pulling your weight in the relationship, giving your share, and making a little effort, then you may end up driving him away. You may think that's what you want now. But think about your life down the road. A lonely single mom, or a remarried woman falling inevitably into the same trap of boredom with a different man. It is unavoidable. There is no fairy tale ending. This is real life. But you may not be so lucky again-the next guy may not be so caring or giving, and you may have a whole new set of problems to deal with on top of the loss of novelty-like indifference or infidelity.
2007-01-20 20:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It truly could be the hormones if it just came out of nowhere, but if you have been developing this for a while now and have slowly been becoming more and more distant from him then you could have fallen out of love with him, there is some type of chemical pumped to the heart when your in love and when you loose someone it is like with-drawls when you don't have the love you want anymore, and once you are over the with-drawls your over the person. I suggest you wait a while to see if you truly just don't have that spark anymore or if it is just the pregnancy.
2016-03-29 07:14:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up!
It's not all about you anymore. You are an adult now and you have to do what is best for your children. That's your DUTY. I know you have probably never heard this word before so please look it up. Yes the current chant is "the best thing for the kids is to make yourself happy". To me that is often hollow justification for selfishness and instant gratification. Get some therapy. you will discover that you only get out of your marriage what you are willing to give. Your husband sounds like a decent man. Why not love him again like you did nine months ago when you married!
Love is a decision you know...not something you catch like a virus!
2007-01-20 20:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry, but..
what do you think marriage is ?
you mention friendship, 2 beautiful kids, a husband who seems to be trying anything to make you happy... whatelse do you expect from a relationship ?
passion does not last... if you want the thrill of passion over and over you should not have had kids or gotten married !
look for a good therapist - and try to think how lucky you are to have a man who loves you and is interested in investing in the relationship...
it's time for you to do the same !
2007-01-20 20:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by luckylady 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are really, truely unhappy then divorce. The months turn into years...the years stretch out seemingly endlessly...and then you DIE. You aren't happy: if you're not happy then he will never be happy either...the kids will recognise their parent's marriage is a fraud (what kind of example are you setting, etc, etc). I say before you invest any more time and energy into this loveless marriage...cut your losses (and everyone else's) and move on with your life. Let them move on with theirs. I think honesty is the best policy. BE DECISIVE, take CONTROL and do what it is you NEED to DO (I think that's your problem actually; not acting decisively; taking the path of least resistance; insecurity...low self-confidence...? ). Of course I don't know you from Adam and I am guessing!
2007-01-20 20:16:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Leave him and pursue a relationship where you will be happy. You shouldn't waste your days trying to make it work.
2007-01-20 20:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by K8tgry 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am guessing PPD and life is getting real......
2007-01-20 20:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋