my d started high school last sept.expected changes in attitude/behaviour etc, have tried letting her grow up with balance, but shes had personality change. after discovering attidude at school/late h/work plus new insolence!, i gave her big talking to, confiscated bloody mobile(present off gran)and checked out sites she uses on net.pc in kitchen so thought keeping eye on her..ha!cleverer than thought with pc! but bebo site... she has cartoon2'express' who she is..but its a chick in undies&handcuffs saying'i'll be your sex slave'. also no privacy&unknown boys(?)sending messages etc.next day grounded her&banned net excpet4h/work.gave talk on paedo's etc.is she just exploring sexuality or am i right to be worried by its precocious-ness?all happened since met new best friend-her parents have also grounded her etc.gotta be14to get on bebo, so all of Yr7have lied about ages!mine said she's16.hmmm.why cany bebo regulate this??am i right to be angry&upset?also puzzled&guilty.decent advice???
2007-01-20 19:52:29 · 24 answers · asked by hedgewitch 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Your daughter's twelve. She probably has no real insight into the meaning behind the picture, and probably just thinks she's being cool. If you think she's aware of the image she's putting out there, then I would be much more concerned with why she feels a need to portray herself in such a demeaning way rather than about paedophiles, if I were you.
Some of the kids home pages are very worrying in that they really put across the insecurities and lack of self-worth and self-respect that they obviously feel. I know some of my kids' friends' homepages and id's etc have shocked me and saddened me greatly.
Look at it this way - you've had rare insight into the way her mind is working, for whatever reason, and you can help her learn a little more in the way of self esteem and confience, and the reasons why these things are important. I don't think banning all internet use is necessarily the best way to go - she doesn't need to feel guilty, unless she's showing other signs of being precocious, but instead needs to start setting a value on herself.
Good luck - I have three kids all around that age too (14, 12 and 9). I know where you're coming from.
2007-01-20 20:18:13 · answer #1 · answered by RM 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know that you are shocked by what you have found out about your daughter. Any responsible parent would be, however you should treat this very carefully, because just remember that even if you ban her from using bebo at home she is probably going to use it at school ro at friends houses. You are better off sitting her down and having a long chat with her about the dangers of the internet. Just remind her that other people do not know her real age and can take advantage of her. The scary thing about todays world is that children grow up a lot faster, that is just the way our society has evolved, kids are almost immune to danger, if you give them too much freedom then they are bound to start pushing the boundaries. She has probably changed becuase of her new friends, high school is a whole lot different and kids have to grow up faster to be accepted.
I hope that you can find a soloution to your problem, just remember don't alienate her and try to talk to her and not down to her. Afterall she probably doesn't understand what all the fuss is about.
2007-01-20 20:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean the pc is a constant argument in this house .. my daughter uses bebo , shes 13 , thanks i never knew there was an age restriction as all her friends use it too.. When my kids have done something where it has caused upset i normally ban them from the pc for a week . They HATE when we do that ..
2007-01-22 22:01:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children on the computer need to be monitored. Why is this so hard for parents to understand? Leaving them to themselves while they are on line is like driving them to the middle of the city and dropping them off on skid row. They are prone to predators and at such young ages they are likely to make bad choices.
They should not be on line while they are alone. Put the computer in the family room where you all congregate and keep an eye on what they are doing. They are less likely to do things like that if you are in the room.
Limit computer times to when you are home and can be in the room with them. Also for goodness sake don't let them live on it. An hour or so is ample time to do anything they need to do on line.
Any extra time should be for studies as needed for homework.
2007-01-20 20:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
the cause of your concern stems from the internet you must get rid of it - even if it means you have to live without it...your daughters innocence is more valuable than the internet.If you really cannot do with out the net then you need to change the password and do not tell her what it is.Then encourage her to take part in some meaningful activities sport,art whatever her interest is you need to re direct her behaviour.
it is not exploring sexuality it is potentially very dangerous and she is doing it because she is not being kept busy wiht other things.
2007-01-20 19:58:37 · answer #5 · answered by jambutty 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think you have a right to be worried if she is only 12 and is posting that kind of stuff on there. There is a vast difference between a 12 year old and a 16 year old, and she shouldn't be saying that kind of stuff on her site. I'd get her some kind of counseling, to see what's going on to cause her to be like that and help her deal with it.
2007-01-20 19:57:56 · answer #6 · answered by Terry W 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-07 11:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't get angry and start confiscating things, that'll only make her rebel and do these things behind your back.
Instead, tell her again and again how concerned you are for her safety. Talk about paedophiles, find pieces on 'net about the likes of the Soham girls, Sarah Payne...point out that these girls didn't even try to act older than they were and they fell prey to evil people.
Make yourself available to her if she wants to talk about her anxieties - and make sure she knows she can ask you.
Also, make sure your filter is on to deny access to adult sites.
2007-01-20 20:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by chip2001 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a good parent you have every right to be upset. I feel like you have done the right thing as far as grounding her, but i wouldnt trust her as far as i could see her. She is only 12, just keep a tight grasp on her. Try not to give in too much, she will appreciate it much later in life.
2007-01-20 19:57:25 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany W 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋
your daughter needs to be spanked well I take that back she would probably like that, she needs to be grounded and forced to wear ugly baggy clothes until she starts acting like a lady rather than a tramp you need to pull up sites on the internet about missing children, child slavery and show her what type of danger she is headed for then take away her computer and lock her in her room til she turns 18
2007-01-20 19:59:41 · answer #10 · answered by Czech_Mark 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋