why do you do it ? Even if you love them,they obviously don't love you.Don't you feel worthy of someone who will show you some respect and true love ? And what do you really think of the other women ? Do you believe they are all evil,wicked bitches ?
2007-01-20 17:50:25 · 9 answers · asked by jennybuttins 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am on a 20-year old unstable relationship. my husband have cheated on me from day 1... i don't know why i keep forgiving him...at times i say because i don't want to have a broken family...so physically, my family is intact...but in the real sense of the word, we are room mates who doesn't sleep in one bed...soon as he falls asleep, i make my own beddings on the floor...i am not thinking of making love at him at all anymore because i am damn scared that he might have gotten something from different women...i am crazy
2007-01-20 18:30:20 · answer #1 · answered by senoirbgm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive me if I'm wrong here, but I take it from your tone that you are one of the "evil wicked" ones. Let me guess....you have been sleeping with a married man, you want to be with him, but she keeps "taking him back". So now you want to justify your actions by speaking out about the stupidity of said women, and publicly claiming that he obviously doesn't love her. He loves you. I may be way off base here. Maybe you have a friend with a cheating husband that you sympathize with. If I'm wrong-I apologize here and now.
The reason I bring it up like this is because if you ARE the other woman, don't fool yourself. If a man really loved and respected the NEW girl, he would not ask her to be with him while he's still married. He would leave the wife, and it would not be a matter of him throwing his hands up because the wife keeps taking him back. He has just as much choice in staying. No matter how you are involved-know this. He is not only doing the wife wrong. The girlfriend is being strung along.
Are you SURE the wife knows? Or is this the husband's excuse to the girlfriend?
I've been on both sides of this fence. My ex cheated on me all the time. He was slick about it. I knew in my heart he was doing it, but never had any concrete evidence. I believe in the institution of marriage, and we had 2 children together. I was not going to go through a divorce on only the suspicion of him cheating. We were together for almost 6 years before I got it. I wasn't being ignorant. I told him when I suspected, he denied it of course and told me he loved me and I was paranoid. I was trying to be a good wife and mother. I do not blame the other women. He was the one I married, and the one that I expected to respect and honor me with fidelity. They were just along for his little joy rides. The evidence I got? The last girl took him seriously. She wanted me to know, because she thought that would free him and they would be together. Wrong. The thought of having what should be unattainable is what makes most men cheat. Once she was attainable, he didn't want her anymore. Even if he woud have-ALL women should understand that people will either cheat or they won't. If he did it to one, he could do it again because it's not a moral problem for him.
I have a friend who is seeing a married man right now. He tells her that he loves her and wishes he could be with her......but the excuses keep flowing. He says the wife knows, but has threatened to kill herself if he leaves her. He's worried about his kids, etc etc etc. More likely than not, the wife either has no clue-he pretends to be very happy and in love at home-or she found out about it and they are trying to work it out. I keep wondering how long my friend is going to let this married guy keep her foolishly waiting in the wings while he has his fun. SHE is the one he apparently doesn't love or respect. Infidelity is a common problem in marriage, and many people try to work it out. That's not stupid. That's commitment. Something that the girlfriend doesn't have. All she has IS stupidity.
2007-01-21 02:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Jenny,
Why do you ask? Are you an outside interest of a married man? If so, seems like you might know that you are doing wrong.
If you are just morbidly curious, well, having been there and done that for 26 years, I can say that it was definitely a combination of things. Most of it was simply insecurity. He was a champion liar who thought he had a golden you-know-what...and wanted to share it with the female portion of the world (and his homosexual cousin)....didn't matter if they were pros, innocent school girls (lost his job over that one), other men's wives, or my friends (or, at least, I thought they were friends).
Once I was out of that, I looked back and wondered why I stayed as long as I did. I wasted my youth on that man. I had beautiful children with him, though, and I love them with all my heart. They are beautiful young women now, and I am very proud of both of them. My marriage vows meant a great deal to me and the day of my divorce, I actually felt a tearing inside as the judge pronounced that the divorce was granted. Vows given before God, should not be taken lightly.
Do I regret? No. Regret is a waste of time.
Do I blame him? Yes, to a degree, I do.
Have I healed? Yes.
Would I do it again? I honestly don't know. I cannot imagine not having my children.
Do I blame the other women? Not all of them, some didn't know (or care) he was married. The one who wound up with him has made her own hell and she deserves it. She was supposed to have been a friend. And that's that. :)
2007-01-21 02:14:44 · answer #3 · answered by Peanut 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good question...in my case...my husband was chatting online to other women and suggesting that he was single and divorced not married with two toddlers. I'm a stay at home mom so when I found it, he told me that it was all a fantasy...ultimately I forgive him because of my children. The other women were not aware of me because he had duped them...
My husband was a decent, romantic and loving man when we first met, somehow as time passed, we've grown in different directions which is not necessarily bad but when our goals are not in the same direction then that causes problems. We are however working it out.
2007-01-21 01:58:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my case i cant leave my husband cause i love him too damn much and we've created a life together me and him and we've gone through soo much in the past 7 yrs. its hard for me to walk away from him and take our two little babies with me. he cheated and i hate the fact that he was with some other woman who also cheated on her husband but in due time she will get hers. my husband has been seeing this past year how much this has really hurt our family and swore that he would never hurt me and our family like that again so i pray to god that he don't...as for the other woman hmm i sure did let her husband know that they had an affair...i could only wonder what the outcome was...my excuse for my husband cheating is well he was deployed for a whole year and hes a man thats all i have to say about that...and if he really wanted her and loved her, he would have went home with her after a whole year, but he didnt he came home to me.
2007-01-21 02:29:51 · answer #5 · answered by ღCCღ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
think these women fear the future, the financial problems that might happen to them, so they forgive also because they love him, they also may believe that no one will ever want them, due to having low self worth caused by his cheating. the wife does hate the other woman, she vilifies her in her mind, thinks she is some sort of monster, based on this other woman has taken something precious from her, ruined her life, destroyed her marriage. how could one not think the other woman wasn't in some way evil.
2007-01-21 09:49:30 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women have us out numbered 9 to 1.
Statistics has it that 83% of all men cheat. (in the first two years)
Statistics has it that 27% of all women cheat. (in the first two years).
Those same statistic say.............
37% of men cheat after 2 years, whereas 68% of women cheat after 3 years.
90% women know it (during the marriage)
98% percent of men expect it (without proof)
You truly raise a good question!
2007-01-21 02:36:06 · answer #7 · answered by dadgonewild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in a 7yr relationship where all he did was cheated on me....i forgave him bcuz i loved him and he had control over my mind.He convinced me EVERY time that he was sooo sorry and i was the only one he loved.I listened.I also didnt like the fact that some other "b*tch" had him.I didnt wnat her to winn so i took him back everytime.in y case they are all some h*e's and b*tches bcuz they knew he was in a relationship and had a family...but there are some women out there that sre just as much the victim bcuz they didnt know.Now i would say cheating is unexceptable and thise people that cheat should rot in hell.But back then i wouldve said "but i love him" what a stupid b*tch i was!!!
2007-01-21 01:58:16 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love and sex are not the same thing. Love and monogamy are not the same thing. Monogamy and respect are not always the same thing. Self worth should not come from being loved.
I have never cheated or been cheated on.
2007-01-21 02:02:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋