33 weeks pregnant and angry with the baby, what would you do?

Question

Mostly i'm posting this looking for words of encouragement. Please don't post mean things, I'm trying to get help, not end up more depressed. I know they say second pregnancies are different, and sometimes you just don't love the child until you've had a while to bond after it's born. I'm now 33 weeks, and i've been struggling with the fact that i don't love this baby yet. Now things are not going well with my husband, we had decided to separate for a while with him coming back next week, but now it looks like he may not even decide to come back. He won't give me straight answers about it, but i just get the feeling.... Obviously that has made me very depressed. My doctor put me back on Prozac, I've been referred to the hospital for counselling, and i plan on getting over these feelings whether alone or with my husband. The point is, the feeling that's the strongest, other than feeling abandoned, is anger at the baby. Like if i hadn't gotten pregnant, this wouldn't have happened...

Other than the antidepressants and the counseling what would you do to get over it. I love my
first son to death, and the only reason i feel like i want this baby is because my son loves him/her
so much already. I don’t know how i will take care of the baby on my own. I feel like i don’t
have anyone, because it’s always been my husband’s family that’s there for me, now what since
he’s not here? My parents are all the way across the country. And like i said i feel angry too.
What about having my husband there at the birth too? He deserves to see his child be born, but
that’s such a vulnerable position for me... And please don't say anything about the bad sides of being on prozac while pregnant, i've been on meds for depression before, and really do feel that this is what I NEED to do in this situation.

Answer 1

First of all , Congratulations ~ It is extremely difficult to raise children alone , one is hard but two is harder and I know from experience bc I am a single mom of two ~ Ive been a single parent with my son for the past 12 yrs and with my daughter since she was 10 months old~ My sons father passed away 2 yrs ago this past Nov. and that is so hard to deal with but trust me there is help out there and your not alone . If you want to talk just send me an e-mail and I will add you ~ I would have loved to have more children but had to have a total hysterectomy/oopherectomy a yr and half after my daughter was born~ I hope your husband will come back for you and the children but if he dont you will be ok and as for the way you feel, yes your angry with your situation but its not the baby's fault and you cant hate something you are giving life to for that reason . Try to think of it as a Gift from God and the baby is meant to be here for a reason. I know I feel that way about my daughter . I wasnt even supposed to have her and almost lost her 3 times the first 10 months of her life. I do wish you the best of luck and I am here if you need a ear to vent to . Take Care and God Bless you and your family , Chele

Answer 2

Your feelings about the baby are probably alot due to the stress of your relationship. I got pregnant with my second child when I was a single mom of a 2 year old. I was extremely sick for the first 6 months. I had to take a hormone shot everyday for 3 weeks. I also worked a full-time night job. When I was 4 months pregnant I had a car wreck and was without a vehicle for a month. I managed to get rides back and forth to work every night. When I was 6 months pregnant, the father of the baby left for parts unknown. It was very tough. Somehow, I made it through, but only by the grace of God. I'm not sure that I had much of a bond with that baby until he was born and then everything that I had gone through during that 9 months all seemed worth it. We are all doing fine now - 10 years later.

Answer 3

I've never been in that situation w/ depression on-set by pregnancy because I've never been pregnant but..I think in your case that w/ all you've said other than you and your husband having problems, you are surrounded by love/people who love and care about you. If you are close with your in-laws, you should still remain close with them..You already have that bond, and you shouldnt let the fact that you and him arent together RIGHT NOW get in the way of that. If they make you feel better, then confide in them. Talk to other girlfriends if you have any who have been pregnant and been in similar situations. My family has a huge history of depression and I can tell you, that drugs arent always the answer but theyre good to try. Sounds like you just need to talk w/ people who will help you. As for you being angry w/ your unborn child, you know that is unfair, girl. You and him are the ones responsible for yalls actions, if you didnt want to get pregnant, you could have prevented that, but that is neither here nor there. I would keep talking to the in-laws about your fears. I really hope for the best for you.

Answer 4

Why would his family abandon you just because you and your husband are having problems? My father left our family about a year and a half ago, and we've seen more of his family in the past year and a half than we did in the 22 years my parents were married and living together under one roof. Families can be surprising, and if they've always treated you as family, then that's not going to change. Don't ever think you have no one to look to! As for having your husband there for the birth, it's up to you. If he isn't going to be part of this child's life and support the kid and be a father to him or her, then I say too bad he's lost the right to be in the delivery room. He is an adult with a child and another one on the way and he needs to get his head out of his butt and start acting like it. You know deep down that the baby isn't really at fault for what's going on in your life right now, and if your first child already is looking to welcome this baby, then take your cue from him and get your joy from watching them together. I really hope I've helped some; I don't have any kids of my own yet, but the girl who I've been best friends with since we were in preschool is 10 weeks; she's the first one out of our old high school crew to be having children, and I see how hard it is for her to adjust to the thought of having this new person with her in the world. God bless and good luck.

Answer 5

Most people are easy to judge others when they haven't gone through such a difficult situation. Don't feel guilty. At least you are brave enough to seek help!

With my fist one, I even laughed at the most silly things, and loved my baby in and out the belly.. but with my second, I was so angry at everybody that even get to throw things to my husband, also I did not tell anyone, but I felt I did not want that baby. Even on the delivery day, I felt just like I was having a new 'thing' in my life that will give me more work and make my life difficult.

I was very afraid because I did not want it to be that way, I felt also guilty for feeling that way about that baby, it was very hard, but now I know that I was just scared of not being strong enough to take care of one more child.

I tried to manage it by thinking that my heart will get bigger when having another child, that all the work will be worthy, and that all of that depression and anger wasn't me, but just my body reaction to the pregnancy hormonal craze, and would go away when my hormones are back to normal.

Lucky for all of us, everything changed as soon as I saw her for the first time: in that moment, everything changed, and then I felt I loved that new child as I had never loved before.

Good luck with your pregnancy, and the new life you will have.

Answer 6

There is no easy way out. You have to deal with the fact that you are pregnant and you may not develop a bond with the baby for a long while, even after you give birth; because your emotions are too wrapped up in all of your drama in your life right now.

Don't beat up on yourself. Just try to calm down and handle the situation as best you can. Your husband may or may not come to his senses. But now that you see how he can be you must learn to take care of yourself and your children. Don't feel bad and think that you are the only one this happens to . It happens to alot of people, not so many people are brave enough handle it on their own.

Just keep all your doctor's appointments and don't do anything crazy. The emotional pain must be tremendous, but you have yourself and your children to take care of.

Answer 7

For awhile I was upset with my baby too! What helped me was that someone said to me 'this baby is innocent. The father doesn't matter. Heck, you don't even matter. What matters is the baby.. and how you feel about it and what you feel about the father are seperate. Your relationship with the father and your relationship with the baby are seperate. The father could be a murderer (which he's not) and the baby is still innocent and seprerate from that!' After I seperated what I felt about the father and the baby as seperate.. tehn I bonded with my baby. And it's ok if you don't. With my first pregnancy I didn't really bond until she was born.. for totally different reasons. With this one I didn't bond until I was 13 weeks along.. either way.. you will be fine. You will get over this edventaully and the you will have a beautiful child. Don't feel guilty. Mothers are human and need to feel their feelings to. Take care of yourself... depression is not fun

Answer 8

I say let nature take its course.....once you see that beautiful babys face you wont beable to help but love him/her.Never let what a man does to you effect you or your child.Men are dogs and sometimes theydont care about nothing but themselve.My daughters(who is now 8 yrs old)dad left me when i was still pregnant.When i had her and the first time i looked at her...she looked like her dad and i turned around and went to sleep without even holding her.But i woke up and held her and looked into her eyes and realized ....shes mines.Remember that baby is not only a part of him but its a part of you too.Now me and my daughter have the strongest bond ive ever seen betweeb mother and child.I still dont talk to her dad and i could care less.Remember that baby didnt ask to be brought into this orld and doesnt deserve to suffer for the parents mistakes.Im also a single parent of 2 kids and i know how hard it is but its not impossible.........And nobody needs a man to hold them down!!

Answer 9

Just take a deep breath. It will get better. You don't not love the baby, you have just been through a lot and most of the anger revolves around your husband. Go with the counseling and stay on your meds, this is a hard time for you and it will get better, you will see. Make your life about your babies. My prayers are with you.

Answer 10

This is a very hard situation!I think everything thats going on is making your feelings for this baby worse. You are strong, you can do this on your own if you have to! No, I think there were problems in with you husband before you got pg. I know it's hard, but try to bond with this baby before it's born. Make yourself! Read to it before you go to bed. Talk to the baby, sing, whatever you can do. Eventually, it might make you feel better! Your husband should be ashamed of himself, letting your baby take the blame for this! Men are so clueless sometimes! Maybe you should call and talk to his mom or sister, whomever you are closer with. Ask them if they will still help you!