What do I say to an old friend/classmate who's gay and doesn't want her old friends to know?

Question

we've known each other since 1st grade. she was my first 'girlfriend' and my 'first' kiss. we last saw each other over 10 years ago, and i pretty much knew she was lesbian, but she didn't say anything. now she lives in a different city, and i'd really like to contact her... only i'm pretty sure she's not comfortable in people knowing she's lesbian. i found her address and want to write to her. i'm thinking i'd not even address the issue and simply ask her the usual 'catching up' stuff (without asking about a boy or girlfriend). anyone have experience in this area who'd care to share their sage advice? thanks!

Answer 1

I wouldn't even bring it up. If she's not comfortable talking about it, don't worry about it. You shouldn't have to base the conversation around her sexual orientation. Just bring up other topics.

Answer 2

I went back home after several years being gone, and I ran into an old friend. I am male as is he. We were talking for a while and he just came across as maybe he was gay. I just asked him, "**** are you gay"? He laughed and said that he was. He asked how I knew, and I said that it seemed like you might be. All was cool.
Go ahead and contact her. When it seems like the right time, tell her that the last time you saw her it seemed to you that she might have had a thing for women. Ask her, "Was I right"? Tell her you don't care, it's just you and me talking. Tell her it kind of intrigues you. If she is lesbian, I'd put money on the fact that she'll tell you. And I'd put more on it that she'll even talk to you about it. One thing that I'd bet my life savings on, weather or not she is, no love will be lost by asking.

Answer 3

Contact her to catch up on the times and life. If she tells you, let her know you understand and do not care because she isstill a friend.