My Parents Want a Divorice! I feel like Crap!?

Question

Omg my parents just told me their getting a divorice!
I feel sick to my stomach!
God, I feel so ****** right now!

What do I do?

I feel like effin' ****!

Answer 1

I am so sorry! I know what your are feeling and it is the WORST feeling in the world. My parents divorced when I was 29 after 30 years of marriage! It was my father who wanted the divorce and I think that made it extra hard on me because I had always felt closest to my dad and now I felt betrayed. I felt like maybe my whole childhoold and my whole life had been a lie. I thought we were a very happy, functional family. I totally did not see it coming and was in shock for a long time. I saw my parents marriage counselor and he said I was having post traumatic stress disorder from the news. I must have cried every day for years about the situation.

It sounds like a cliche but the only thing that has helped is time. My mother has moved on and lives in a crappy little condo (instead of the million dollar house they lived in when married). She gets an ok alimony, has her friends and has made a life for herself. Unfortunately, because I was an adult my mother probably confided way too much in me during the whole thing. My relationship with my dad is ....weird. I have not been able to forgive him and I really have not gotten over my anger.

I guess the only think I can say is - yes it s***s and yes is hurts like he** and yes it will hurt for a long time but slowly it will hurt less and everyone will get on with their lives and you will too!

Good luck!!!!

Answer 2

I am soooo sorry for you. This is a real tough one.
Just know that none of this is your fault. There is nothing you did to cause it, & there is nothing you can do to change it.

Do you have any brothers or sisters you can share your feelings with? I hope you do so you guys can be supportive of each other. If not family, maybe you have a girlfriend that you know has, or is, going through the same sort of thing in her family as well.
The point is, talking with someone, anyone, really can help you get through some of the tough times.
I am sure both your parents love you very much, & they also probably still love each other as well. They just have decided that they can't live together anymore.
It's not the end of the world. Not really, it's just the end of the way things have been in the past. There are going to be some changes, but there's a good chance that most of those changes will be for the better. I know it doesn't seem that way right now, but it wiil get better soon.

Answer 3

You and your parents need to talk with a child counselor. But before things get involved, visit a school counselor by yourself. Talk to the school counselor about this and see what they have to say. Eventually, they can call a meeting with your parents and a child counselor (probably will be of no cost to them) and maybe after a few sessions, they will really begin to realize how special you are to them. I understand how parents get so aggravated with their kids, but what you describe is not a healthy relationship between parent/child at all. What you did say is that they fight all the time. Not a fun way to grow up, I know. But I'm betting part of their bitterness (or what seems like bitterness) toward you is actually from their marriage troubles. They probably direct anger onto whatever/whoever is there at the moment because they are unhappy with each other. I wish marriages were easy to fix, but they are not easy. It's just sad that the children always become involved somehow. I would point out to them next time they seem so angry, that just because they are unhappy with life or their marriage, it is not a reason to take it out on you and make you unhappy as a child. I hope somethings sinks in, but that counselor will really help -promise. I know a guy who does that at different schools and talks to kids like you everyday with the same problems and he has reached so many. It will happen for you as well.

Answer 4

Older children always feel worse and I feel for you. My parents divorced when I was about 8, which is a good age, because, now at 37, I cannot even fathom life if my parents had not gotten divorced. You will remember an "intact" family much more vivedly than I do. But my experience after the divorce was entirely positive. Both my parents married people who were better partners than they were together. My step-father came into my life when I was 12 and he's been a second father to me. Maybe more than a second father. I have a good relationship with my step-mother also (and my father passed away in 1989, when I was 19, but I still see my step-mother periodically). To me, the aftermath was a positive experience and my parents did better in the divorce and I did better in the divorce. It was amicable as well at the time. My mom did complain about my father (and angered me a few times with her comments), but my father never said one bad thing about my mother. Not one.

During the 1980s, Christmas was great. In the days leading up to Christmas, I would go see my paternal grandparents and get gifts. Then on Christmas even, my step-father's kids would come over and we'd have a dinner (and maybe a small gift or two). Then Christmas day, I'd open stockings and gifts from my Mom and Step-father. And then I'd go to my Dad's for a few hours and open gifts, etc. And then I'd go with my Mom and Step-father to my maternal Grandfather's house (his wife had died when I was very, very young). It was awesome to go to all these Christmas "events." And the family became more and more extended. As an only child and the children of two only children, having all these step-siblings and other family members was cool.

As an attorney, I've seen some nasty, nasty divorces, too, so hopefully your parents will be more like mine than not.

I don't really remember what it was like when my parents were going through it. I think my father was gone alot for his job anyway (shooting documentaries all over the world if you can believe that). My mom says I cried a little when she first told me and then I just adjusted to it. I don't even remember crying.

So what about you? What do you do? Are you still living with your parents? It'll be easier if you are on your own, but, if you are still at home, you'll be affected that much more. What to do? Your parents are going through a lot of feelings. Failure. Guilt. Depression. You name it. They need you and you need them. Whatever you can do to help them get through this is a good thing. I don't know what happened, so I can't give you specific advice. I can only say that, at some point, you will wonder what life was ever like before the divorce. If you are lucky, maybe you'll be like me and you will someday think that your parents staying together would have been a bad thing.

Good luck and know that, as my Mother always said to me, "This too shall pass." Take care.

Answer 5

Your parents telling you about the divorce probably hurt them more than its hurting you right now. Trust me, I divorced my son's dad. Its killing them to hurt you like this.

However, the good thing is they are not divorcing you. They both love you very, very much. The last thing they want to do is hurt you but if they stay together for you, they are hurting themselves and in the end, it will also hurt you.

It will be a tough few months as they go through this process but if you are there to "understand" it will help you - and them. Don't ever take your mom's side or your dad's side. Have "your" side. You love them both.

If your mom says something - in the future - negative about your dad - or visa versa - tell them that this is your mother/father they are talking about in front of you and its not nice or healthy for you.

This is a huge, huge decision for your parents. Unfortunately, they made this decision a long time ago and finally got the nerve to tell you. You will go through a lot of changes - good and not-so-good. If you ever need to talk tell your parents you want to talk to a therapist. They are totally confidential and your parents can make an appointment for you. Or, you can talk to your church pastor or school counselor. All are confidential.

You'll come through this process a better person. Truly, you will. Don't turn to bad friends or think your parents don't care. They do care. They love you, totally. Love them back as well. Unlike no other time in your life - they need your love - both of them.

When it really gets tough remember..."God doesn't give us a challenge without also giving us the ability to overcome that challenge - and become better for it.

Good luck and if you need to write personally, just click my icon. I'm almost always around.

Answer 6

Been there done that. There is nothing u can do it takes a while to get used to but u will. Thats part of life u just have to adapt and don't take sides be down the middle. I ha d to play dumb so many times.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you-- 20 years ago I was in your exact position. You will get through it, just believe it is not your fault.

You need to talk to someone like a counselor- talk to your parents and tell them you need help and want to talk to a professional. If that doesn't work, go to your school counselor for help.

Nobody suffers more from divorce more than kids!!!!!! It's awful, but you can get through it.

Answer 8

You shouldn't feel bad. When I was younger my family life was so hectic I would pray my parents divorced. So I wouldn't feel bad and it's definately not your fault. With time you will learn to accept your parents divorce and if they both truly love you, you will still have a good relationship with both of them.

1/2 of American marriages end in divorce


Stay strong

Answer 9

Sometimes these things happen. If you feel its too much for you, maybe you should seek counseling. Its not necessarily gonna be easy, but you can only take things one day at a time.

Answer 10

dang girl, watch ur mouth!!! my parents have been divorced since i was 3, and im totally fine. have you thought about why they are divorcing. its hard to understand without knowing all the details. some things are better off, ya know? i believe that everything is meant to be... you will be okay.