my husband avoids sex and affection, i don't want to cheat, guys maybe best to answer?

Question

he spends so much time in she shed working on the cars and bikes that i think he forgets i exist. when i ask for sex or just start touching he says he's tired not nastily but i just miss the physical side of things not just sex but a cuddle or a kiss would be nice.
i find myself looking at other men not for sex but just for a cuddle.
with out sounding like a brat i guess i need some attention i've tried dressing in lingeree while cooking his fav meals and still nothing he doesn't even look back, he'll come inside eat, leave his plate on the table and go back in the shed. i even tried going out there with him to show interest in what he's doing thinking maybe i was thinking of me only & maybe he has a bit on his mind and i needed to back off a little but we started talking and when affection came up he just smiled & said said you know i love you i'm just tired. i have done everything it's been about 7-8 months now & the only affection i get is when he needs a (literally) 2min release

maybe i should mention i'm 22 in good shape i'm a personal trainer he is 24 only works about 4 hours a day, not over weight in good shape and we've only been married 5 weeks. no stress here. thats why i'm so stumped

Answer 1

He might need to get checked by a Dr to see if his testosterone level is low. If he checks okay, maybe he is gay or getting it somewhere else. No offense.

Answer 2

Let me tell you ! You are a perfect example why people should live together before they get married. For this particular reason. If you would have known this prior to getting would you have gotten married to him. If the answer is yes then you stay with him till you die. If the answer is no then you need to leave him.
I am total believer there is someone out there for everyone. I mean your husband has to find a women that is at the same speed as him to be married to.
You will cheat on your husband. I guarantee you that. It will drive you crazy! It may take 20 years but you will! So break up and call it a mistake. Sex plays a major role in marriage do not let anyone else try to tell you differently! One that needs it all the time will cheat if the spouse is not reciprocating.
Let your hubby find the lame duck out there and be happy because in the end that is what he will be happy with. For you, you are like majority of guys dreams. Not all guys as you can see from your hubby. You mad a mistake now learn from it ans move on.

Answer 3

I went through this too. My husband works 12 hours a day and when it comes to lovin' there just wasn't enough energy left (even though it was clear he didn't need any, wink wink). I thought of the other routes as well, but I love the guy. I can't cheat. My Mom and Dad broke up because of that crap and I can't do it myself. He's a wonderful man and father and I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than fantasize. Have you told him? Dolling up and trying to interject yourself in his interests are one thing, but have you come out and said, "Honey, if you don't give me some affection I'm going to look in other places?" I did this and it worked. He didn't know how hard up I was. He thought everything was as okay as it had ever been. You have to remember that he is a guy and guys don't look much past their own Petey's. If He is ok, he thinks you are too, especially if you don't talk about it. I hope this helps you! If not and you really have tried it all, including communication, then you need to tell him again, this time saying what you mean, and do it. Not cheat, but leave. Irreconcilable differences. You can still get out and never have to humiliate yourself or him.

Answer 4

I would suggest that you read Men are From mars Women are From Venus. Men and Women have different stressors and different ways to react. His time in the shed is problem solving. He is working some stuff out. Maybe just adjusting to marriage, maybe the fact that he only works 4 hours a day is frightening to him because off the bills that have to be paid. He may be mentally tired. You two are going to have to sit down and discuss this. not the problem that is bothering him. Men want to work it out for themselves. Just be supportive when he goes into the shed to work things out. Tell him that you respect that time but you have needs also. Sometimes just smiling and saying "I need a hug" can work. Marriage is about communication so sit down and talk. This is how you lay the fondation for a great marriage. Problems do not work themselves out but you both have to tell each other what you need from each other. The fact that you work more than he does may be the root of his problem. Try more foreplay in order to prolong the affection.

Answer 5

Honey, he might be getting it from some other woman or man. He only works 4 hours aday and he eat and go back to his car. He's not tired from working and he can hold a conversation with you, when you pretend to be interested in his car. So if there's something on his mind, he is capable of telling you the problem. Those 2 mins. that he gives you, is to keep you from thinking there's something wrong or he's thinking about the other person and need to get off then. Open your eyes and do some investigating.

Answer 6

Well, stop hounding him for sex. You're nagging him to death. theres a chance he is just a jerk, but with a little love and "guy time" he might just turn around. you need to have a serious talk with him. Ask him what you can do to make him more attracted to you. It's great that you are in "great physical shape" and that you cook a fave meal once in awhile, but what else do you do? Ok, walking around in slutty cloths is a plus..but seriously..

Lets see, Have you told him that he's your hero lately? Have you thanked him for taking out the garbage? Or mowing the lawn (shoveling snow..) washing the car? Have you told him, hey hunny you smell really good!


Just ask him. and tell him that tired line aint going to work. I'm sure there is nothing in that shed that is going to make him that tired that he HAS to do. (unless it is work related..then that is understandable)

if worse comes to worse, please read "The Proper care and feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura...it will give you better adive than me on how to turn this around. Pay close attention to chaper 4 "To hell and back..."

Answer 7

Maybe he needs a check-up. Men go through hormonal changes as they age, too. Thyroid function can change, and makes you tired all the time. See if you can get him to go to the doc. You might try touching in a way that does't say "sex", like giving him a footrub, or you could run him a warm bath, telling him you know how tired he is and you want to help him relax. Then when he lays down, you can give him a back rub. If you can help him relax, you can cuddle up to him and it won't be perceived as you asking for anything.

Answer 8

Many men that are a little overweight are uncomfortable with sex with another person. It could also be a 'phase' he's going through. Not all men want sex 24/7. They think about it all the time but don't need it physically.

My next thought is that he might suffering from depression. Depression often takes a front seat to sex.

The last thing it might be is if he's taking anti depressants. Those inhibit any sexual desire a person could have - male or female.

Rather than looking at other men, you might consider batteries.

Answer 9

I think he must have something out in the shed he likes better, maybe a racoon or possum ran across the yard and he's got it trapped in there as his sex slave. I think you are leaving something out, is he gay or something? NO 24 year old man that works 4 hours a day is too tired for sex. How often do you actually have sex? There is nothing wrong with a quickie.

Answer 10

You need to let him know that you are being neglected physically and emotionally. There maybe something that is stressing him that he hasn't talked to you about. Communication is the only way to find out what is wrong and you deserve to know. If he won't communicate with you, you might want to seek the help of a marriage counselor. Good luck

Answer 11

Girl u need to sit down with him, have a heart to heart and tell him how serious this problem is getting to your marriage and dont let him just shoo you off or change the subject. He must understand that one of you are not getting what they need in this marriage. If he still doesnt listen then he will lose out in the end.
Marriage is a 2 way street that must be kept open by communication, warmth, kindness trust and most of all understanding. If it takes it, SHOUT IT OUT TO HIM GIRL!!!!