He doesn't let them know hes married and lets them know nothing of his life with me. I am 12 years older than him but don't look it. It makes me feel very unsure of myself. He says he does it only in fun,but I have reason to believe he has met and seen at least one of these women .What should I do about this problem and how should I handle it? Your advice will be greatly appreciated. I love him very much but hate the way this makes me feel.
2007-01-20 16:07:32 · 25 answers · asked by foolishingeorgia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
See if he will agree to counseling for the two of you or else get rid of him since you can't trust him and there is a chance if he is meeting these other women he could end up giving you a std or the like. You may love him but if he loved you enough he wouldn't need to meet these other women and you deserve, and will be able to find, someone who loves you as much as you will learn to love the person who is there for you and not women on the internet.
2007-01-20 16:14:10 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be just for fun. or he might be playing with the idea of either cheating or if he's bolder intrested in becoming a swinger. if he openly tells you about the women and dosen't hide tha fact he'd be a stupid a cheating. if you find porn on the hard drive and it looks like normal people not 18 year old girls then he's getting them from the women he's talking to. you'd know if he's getting them from a website or a real person. lol
going to the subject of becoming a swinger. in todays online world you'll find a lot of site helping married couples meet who are wanting to exchance sexual partners. if he going to those website then that could be the case. also if he's been asking qustions on wither you'd have a 3some would be a good sign that he's hoping to swing.
the last reason could be he's hoping to make you jelouse. to see if your still into him as much as you first met.
to try to solve this you could do a few un expected things show up at his work for a suprise lunch and have a sexual nooner.
meet him at the door naked and take him there in the hall way. not good if other people in the house and make sure it's not the mail man at the door. lol
try roleplay go to a bar and act like you two first meet. always gets the blood pumping. and it'll she you and him how sexy you still are when other guys start taking notice of you at the bar.
i hope this was help full
2007-01-20 16:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by reed8866 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He says he does it in fun but it may be deeper than that - not emotionally - but informational - something he can't ask you because it is about you he is trying to comprehend. What safer way than on the net. You don't need feelings...man, and I hate it when a girl asks me about how I feel or why I did what I did. Some things can't be put into words you would understand. Guys do, don't think about it or feel about it, they just do. And they try to do the right thing. Talking to someone else of the same sex about you make more sense than asking other guys. Guys don't know what really pleases women and they are trying to be all you need them to be. Asking you directly is no good. Even if he has seen them(that makes sure that it isn't another guy he is getting advice from, which would be a total waste of time.)
Love is an odd concept for guys....even the best of them. It requires feelings, something we don't have a good grasp on. Our head gets in the way.
Hang in there, don't nag or be depressed. Do note if he does act differently toward you, maybe he is trying something new to please you and be comfortable for him to do as well.
2007-01-20 16:24:02 · answer #3 · answered by ButwhatdoIno? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had a relationship like your. I was 36 and her son was 32 so you know there was an age difference.
Jealousy is a very bad thing. She was very jealous of me but I did not have the problems you have stated.
I do think something is very wrong with your boyfriend tell stories on the Internet. Yeah its in fun but what is this doing to you? No you are not to be blamed for being unsure of yourself. He is the one that is hurting your feeling. If you did not love him you would not care.
I did not stay with this women but it was for other reasons but I will always be glad i knew her.
I guess you need to remind him how much this hurts you inside and that your feelings should matter for something in your relationship. My son was going with a women for over five years and their marriage did not last a year as he found a women on the Internet and it broke up their marriage. enough said
2007-01-20 16:21:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever ask him the purpose of this???? "doing this in fun??" (don't think so....) Do you feel he's trying dump you???? and find someone else. In which case, hon, you are the jerk in reserve while he trolls..
I would be very uncomfortable if I were married to a guy "trolling", and he ought to know it.... age has nothing to do with it... (it is never the years, hon, it's the mileage-------- we see no problems with guy with younger women, people now see no problems with women with younger guys. (Better that way, anyway, guys die off faster easily by 7 years....)
Can you trust him? Not yet, or not now? You should share with him your discomfort.... marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust.... you don't trust him, (for good reason) and you sure as hell can't admire or respect someone who does not regard your marriage as his top priority. Along with those big four, go things like kindness, planning time together, solving problems without rage, space, tenderness, concerts, drives, fireplaces, and sometimes even being nice when you don't much feel like it...... and sometimes just shutting the hell up....
I'd be concerned too. Get a few sessions of counseling to find a way to confront him without trouncing on his ego.... but I warn you, that is difficult if you have had no training in negotiating things that concern you. Try reading this book... a standard in the field, written ages ago, still used in counseling classes, because no one has written one better. "The Assertive Option" cheap in paperback on Amazon.com... yours by Wednesday.
2007-01-20 16:22:13 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the internet is good and also has caused a lot of devorces.
i know how you feel coz my husband was doing the same thing, but i didn't want to jump to any conclutions for nothing.
Go to www.awarenesstech.com
or www.webwatcher.com
it is a program that will record everything that happens on the net e-mails, word for word chat, it will even show you passwords so you can access their email, msn chat, bank, absolutly everything
i found out my HUSBAND was chatting to people with user names like ilickandsuck and ilostmybrasandpanties ect
and he had signed up to dating servises with his profile stating
single, no kids (we have 2) and when asked what type of relationship he was after he said "JUST FOR SEX"
please don't be a fool and waste any more time worrying take action
i hope you have a much brighter outcome.
2007-01-20 16:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by omissy2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about a female point of view on this .. i like you am 12 yr older than my bf.. we have been together for almost 3 yrs and living together for 7 months... i like going on the net .. he dont like that which is why i am here at the moment.. it fills the void that he leaves.. you see we both drink but he will pass out hours before me and i am left alone. when we do go to bed together he will hug me and say i love you a roll over a go to sleep.. he is 30 and i am 42 but his sex drive is that of a 70 yrs old and mine is in my 30s.. i also look younger.. and he dose to .. go figure,,are you there for him when he needs you.. if you are than i dont know why the net would interest him.. if my bf was here with me and not so aloof when he is i would not be so into my computer.. funny thing only time he want to hugs and kiss is when he has a buzz and i am on the net
2007-01-20 16:22:34 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be worried dear, when someone is in a relationship with someone, it doesn't give them the right to chat to other women on the net! If your husband wants to talk to women, he should tell them he is married and happy with his life with you! I understand how you must be feeling with the age difference and everything. You should tell him how uncomfortable this is making you feel and maybe he will stop doing it or maybe he can include you in his chats with these women? Good Luck!!
2007-01-20 16:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by saau2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him that you will not stand for it any longer. If he loves you, then he will stop. If he doesn't, then he will keep on. You are letting him disrespect you. That will only get worse. There are computer programs you can get that will track the keystrokes on his keyboard. You will be able to see what he is typing and know what he is up to. Do something about this before you end up with a disease!
2007-01-20 16:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by cakekweeny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very simple. He is not committed to you or the relationship.It doesn't matter if you don't look 12 years older - the fact is that you are. It makes a huge difference in maturity. As hard as it will be - you need to move on. He is obviously still "shopping". You deserve better and I think you know it. Have faith in yourself to believe you deserve someone to whom you will be number one!
2007-01-20 16:17:43 · answer #10 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋