how to deal with an unemployed spouse?

Question

my husband is unemployed and it is starting to really affect him. It hurts his pride to have me pay all the times. Plus, he is extremely bored. I think he is going into depression. I am not sure how to help him and how to offer my support.

Answer 1

Is he getting help from anyone to help him find a job? Is he going to school to update his skills so he can get even a better job? I know men don't like it when their wives make suggestions, so you will have to do it discreetly.

Answer 2

Here's my advice: I used to work at a workforce center. Being unemployed is one of the most stressful things in a man's life. Be supportive of him. Don't hound him about what he has done to find a job. I have seen so many wives treat their husbands like crap because they were unemployed and worried about bills. It was those same guys that would be looking for something...or should I say "someone" to make them happy. When my husband was layed off, he came home with a look of horror on his face. I knew instantly that something was really wrong. Even though I was completely terrified on the inside, I just hugged him and told him everything would be okay and to this day (14 years later) he will still remark that how I treated him at that time was such a relief. Try not to stress him out too much about financial problems, although, obviously, you will have to talk to him about it with him some. It is more about how you talk to him about it. Think about if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one unemployed, how would you want to be treated? You can be supportive in small ways, like buying him a "good luck" tie for interviews, leaving him notes of encouragement, etc. Hang in there!

Answer 3

Basically he needs to look for work or get retraining. Not sure what line of work he was in, but he needs to keep busy. He might be wondering if you are losing respect for him.

Working sites like monster.com are good if it's some kind of high tech job. The key is not letting him quit.

I would not open the can of worms, just make sure he has clean clothes, and he's out there looking. Temp jobs hire all the time if he has computer skills. I spent my life in the military so I am not all up on job hunting, other than temp agencies, and such.

The big key, i think is not to nag him. Try just being supportive and caring for a month or two more more. Don't do the work of job hunting for him. He has to take the initiative. he has to fill out the applications, resumes, etc. There is no reason why he should be sitting around being bored.

He should be out there looking, making calls, making it happen.

Just don't let him fall into a pattern of sitting around, it leads to low morale, wastes time, and gets little done, except buidling up worse morale.

Maybe plan together what your future financial and material or educational goals are. Thus he will have to motivate himself to get a job so as to work on some kind of plan for the future to make the plan happen.

He's taken a blow to his ego. He can take more, because people are tough.

If he sits around more than a few more weeks, it is a big step, and might make it worse but there it is...but confront him, and say, "Okay look we need a plan of action. I looked around, and you are the only guy qualified to be an action hero around here... and I need you to come up with a plan of action. Let's work on a plan."

If his dad is alive and a good guy, call up his dad, and ask his dad's advice. If he respects his father, his dad can give him the fatherly advice on the order of "Earn your bread, and defend your woman, and get to it.." That kind of advice he basically will have a hard time taking from your or his mother, unless she's a tough cookie. Don't have your dad do it, as it will come off wrong.

Yeah, it sounds so chauvanistic, but the culture is still one of men suffer, for thier families. As far as I know, that's the way it is, in my family.

If he sits listless longer than that, he needs counseling or some other jolt to shake him up.

It's a tough situation. Good luck.

Answer 4

You are a great wife to him. He needs your encouragement and your patience. Just keep it up

Getting a job is NOT 100% in his or your control. He can do everything right and still not get a job. Also, it takes time. I'd advise getting occupied with any constructive things. Get temporary work through agencies and mix that with continued efforts at trying to get fulltime jobs. Do those two things intermittently. It will keep him sharp. Also consider some volunteer work part-time ! so he can show interviewers he is willing to work but needs a chance to get the job. He'll be more likely to get one then. By all means don't leave him, it will devastate him and make it harder to get a job, and have nothing to live for anymore. Also, he should be willing to let go of pride and fears, contact his previous employer's competitors, contact friends and relatives, and ask if their companies have any jobs coming up. Apply to places he would work for even before they advertise a job, then he has no competition, and a much better chance to work there. Don't give up. Just keep on trying.

Answer 5

My husband is a construction worker and this is the time of year he is unemployed, he gets depressed as well. I'm not sure what it is you do for work, but if possible, see if he can get on there with you. If you have a job that you're really not all that into, then go get a job somewhere with him. My husband & I did this & it's GREAT !!!

Answer 6

It is very hard when the husband is the unemployed. Their pride and ego goes down the drain, their handwriting and signature becomes smaller, this is a sign of deppression. Wether you are or you are not hurting his pride, they will feel worthless, it is in nature of especially male. I was in this situation once which lasted for two years. My advice is find things that your husband does at home and appreciate or at least acknowledge it. Let him know that you are there to help and support him. Goodluck

Answer 7

this has happened to me a couple of times. My wife was great, kept telling me she loved me no matter what. I was able to use the time to volunteer and do a lot with the kids and their school. Make sure he does not feel isolated at home. Being around others and having social interaction is very important! Plus he might get job leads that way. Good luck. Just keep letting him know you love him.

Answer 8

It's extremely difficult. My husband was like that - in and out of jobs for years and it was directly affecting his brain, his mood, his ego, everything..... can be devastating....... Only thing to do is support him as best you can - try to give him incentive or new ideas to try to make some $$ until something breaks.

Try to find little escapes to get away from it a little..... unfortunately, there is not cure for valid depression.... it's not easy and it's "a job to get a job" so you're husband should think of finding a job as a job.

Good luck

Answer 9

Is there a reason he is suddenlt unemplyed? Well thery still have sunday papers & The emplyment guides are free . You need to sit him down & figure out what you can do to help him, if you try & he still doesn't try , well that's something different. tell him its not healthy to be sitting around . maybe if he's good with the computer he can try to sell things on ebay or look up & research & start a home business , but beware of scams. Sometimes you can find things around the house that you aren't using & sell them on ebay. I made a little bit doing that last year when my enrollment when down on my childcare business. There are some things he can do, but he has to try

Answer 10

Let him know you still love him just as much as you did when he was working. Also, encourage him to do stuff during the day, so he's not sitting home vegitating in front of the TV. There is nothing more deadly to the human psyche than idleness - so he needs to get out of the house and do something (volunteer, go to the library, even just drive around).

Answer 11

Is he not able to find another job? Is he disabled? As far as the bordom is concerned, maybe he could do volunteer work until he goes back to work? Hospitals are almost always looking for people to volunteer. I'm sure there are many other places he could try as well (I don't know where you're from, so I can't make specific suggestions)