he talks to his ex wife about the kids ,he has custody i get alittle jealous. why do i get this way??i know he would never want her back she abused him and the kids,and he only married her b/c he was in the navy and was lonily he said he never loved her,and that he has never loved any one like he has loved me,i know he is sencere when he says this too but why do i get so mad when he talks to her....
2007-01-20 15:31:32 · 21 answers · asked by happybunnyjg 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From my experience.."Once a sailor always a sailor"!
2007-01-20 15:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me that you are suffering from an inferiority complex. Just because he married this woman and they have children does not mean that you are nothing/ less to him. It does not make it ok to feel jealous, but it is natural and normal for you to feel jealous. This woman was his bride and had his kids. That is an enormous responsibility to have with someone. However, he is with you now, not her. She is a part of his life, for the sake of his children. If you respect this, then accept this, it is how it will always be. One day you may have babies with him as well, but this woman will always be the mother of his children also. You can not change it. Be thankful she isn't a crazy person and that everything is okay between them (taking in consideration that things are). You have the opprotunity to show this man a love like he has never known. Be honest and open hearted and things will be all right. If he is the kind of man that can accept it without confrontation, then tell him that you have felt jealousy. I'm sure he will tell you that your fears have no feet to stand on. It will make you feel so much better than asking us strangers, and you will have laid the foundation of communication and honesty in your relationship. Good luck to you!
2007-01-21 00:09:32 · answer #2 · answered by zephyr.mode 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possibly, because you're insecure. Do you feel you have a self-esteem problem?
Or maybe his whole story makes you uncomfortable. He never loved this woman, but yet he married her and had kids with her? Doesn't this sound a little strange? I'm sure, at the time he married her he thought he loved her. Just as now he thinks he loves you. And two years from now he will be with someone else, telling her how he's never loved anyone the way he loves her. Seems to me, his story changes depending on who his audience is; I wouldn't blame you if this made you feel "funny" about the whole thing.
2007-01-20 23:40:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your boyfriend is just getting out of and relationship and he loves you, his kids, and his ex wife. Just because they broke up doesn't mean that he has to stop loving her. You can't say u love someone and marry them and then when u break up all of a sudden say I don't love you anymore. If you are expecting him to do that then you have another thing comming. You cannot marry some one and not have fellings of love towards them or he would not have said I do. So when your lonley you get happy the you have found someone and love that person. So just be happy and take all the jelousy away because jelousy is a strong thing that can and will ruin any relationship, so get rid of that ASAP!
2007-01-20 23:42:40 · answer #4 · answered by princess_deja_boyd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because she had him first, and she will always be connected to him through these children. But believe him when he says he loves you only and more than anyone. Work on building a relationship with these children and forming a strong family. She is no threat to you. the biggest challenge for you will be to be accepted by the kids. To them you are the other woman. You may even be tempted to have your own baby with him, just to feel secure. Get your feelings straight first before you consider this.
2007-01-20 23:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel threatened and jealous to keep what you have together from danger by past relationships. That's perfectly normal.Some communication is necessary ( for the kids sake) but just encourage him to keep it at a minimum.
Remember you have a good thing and he really loves you so be careful not to take out your frustrations on him.If you do be big enough to tell him your sorry. enjoy love because as he has experienced, it is hard to find. Good Luck! may you spend the rest of your lives together.
2007-01-20 23:41:12 · answer #6 · answered by jiovonnig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you get so mad other than you feel a bit territorial. Keep in mind that you must've known going into it that you're dating a man who has children with another woman. They will have to be in contact with each other, for their kids, for the rest of their lives. If you can't handle that, you need to excuse yourself from the relationhsip.
My best friend married a man who had a child with his ex-wife and she didn't like him talking to his ex either. She mistreated him when he did - by acting jealous and getting upset with him for something he needed and had every right to do - and she mistreated his son by the first wife - didn't like him being around because he was a "reminder" of her husbands first marriage. Guess what, after a couple of years of that - he got tired of it and left her. As he should have done. The child's best interests come first, and it's in his best interests for his parents to have a civility between them and communicate with each other about him.
Accept it, and get over it, or move on to a relationship with a man who has no children.
2007-01-20 23:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by Marvelissa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may be bit insecure of your relationship. Maybe a trust issue. Remember he's with you, right? If you're committed and in for the long haul, you'll need to deal with the ex for ever and ever. Learn to deal with it and make the best of it. Also, it can't be easy for him...is there anything you can do to make it easier. Lastly...but most important are the kids. They know and will feel and sense the tension and any issues that may arise. Be in check with yourself and relax. If you're secure in your relationship than there should'nt be any worries. Just breath and smile...you'll get through it.
2007-01-20 23:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by PAB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They share a bond that was before your time and will continue -- this bond existed before you did (in his life anyway) and you are feeling left out of the loop when they are discussing something. First, I think you should analyze exactly what you feel, then try to work through what is causing it - if it is simply a restatement of the above info then, what can you do about it? nothing.... so try to act on what you can change... be sure to voice your concerns (in a caring way) to your boyfriend and do NOT voice them to the ex - always be as courteous and helpful as possible to her (kill her with kindness) and keep in mind that this woman (warts and all) is the mother of precious, innocent children and they may not understand your turmoil about their Mom. Make sure that you always convey to your boyfriend and his ex your sincere love and concern for the children. Also, spend your energy building your own bond with the children and your boyfriend - the rest will work itself out. Good luck to you
2007-01-20 23:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by Just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
babe i dont mean to hurt u but he says he never loved her and he has only ever loved u....he probably used the same lines on her when they were together....u probably get jealous coz u sub conciously do not believe his line...babe he has to have loved this woman to marry her and have kids with her...marring someone is not a decision pple take lighty and pple do not get married and have kids coz they r lonely....they obviously divorced coz things did not work out but he has to have loved her...and they have kids together so they have a connection that will always be there...u just have to have more confidence in ur man and relationship and except his ex wife as part of his life
2007-01-24 20:20:04 · answer #10 · answered by LYN p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably insecure with yourself.
You had better find a way to get over it. He has kids with her.
He will be co-parenting those kids with her for the rest of his life, so get used to it, or get out of the relationship.
I am speaking on behalf of the kids here. They have probably had enough drama in their lives with an abusive mother, & a break-up of the family. They certainly don't need you bringing your own personal baggage into the picture.
Understand?
2007-01-20 23:40:00 · answer #11 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋