My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 yr and 5 months. Lately he has been telling me that he wants us to be married. We have a child together and I have two other children. We have gone through some things like him being very selffish and not caring about my other kids. Now things are much better and he is growing up into a mature man. But I just want to make sure that it is right and I am not making a mistake. He loves me very much and I really do love him. Should i get married to him?
2007-01-20 15:29:19 · 39 answers · asked by Akisha H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Absolutely -- when you are sure you have him trained right!! lol Seriously my husband and I went through the same thing. We met -- I had a daughter that was 3yrs old -- then we had a little boy together -- decided to buy a house together -- had another little boy -- THEN decided to get married -- and I can tell you it is right and for life!! When we first meet he was not "Daddy" material but now is a fantastic Dad. My daughter would crawl into bed and he would say "No way, you are too old -- go to your own bed...no kid of mine at 3 or 4 will be sleeping in our bed" Well....my boys are now 8 and 4yrs and yes they both still climb into bed on occasion...and he has mellowed out and become "Daddy" May I suggest him spending time with the older two kids kinda of a daddy and me day... movies and dinner -- or day at the park and lunch... depending on age and likes but that is a great way to help up for past slights and selfishness, plus your youngest is young enough that he/she wont notice the time alone with him but the older ones will begin to cherish it!! Must be done on a one-to-one thing too --let the child pick the activity. GOOD LUCK and if he is willing to do that then it sounds like you would have a winner for life!!
2007-01-20 15:42:17 · answer #1 · answered by TALLgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My question is why have you waited so long to do it? His immaturity could be a factor, but if you want to marry him thinking it will make him more mature, that's a mistake. People tend to act a certain way when they want something (say marriage) and once it's "legal" they loose the act.
If he's rushing you and you aren't sure, say no. If he's willing to wait then take some more time to think it over. Is he the best choice not only for you but for your children. What about him has changed and is it a show or a geniune change? Only time will tell.
It may not be romantic, but love does NOT conquer all. It does not solve all your problems. Neither does a wedding. IF you do go through with it, I still say take some time in planning your lives, not just the romance of a wedding. You have a child together so I am assuming you have been adults with each other...but if you don't live together, consider it. If you do, ask yourself, what change is he looking for in a married relationship?
Good lucky honey, don't let anyone make the decision for you.
2007-01-20 15:42:24 · answer #2 · answered by greenfaile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no man is mature enough for marriage.
saying that i did it three times and i married a women who was never married before, did not want any children and was a virgin.
it took me a long time to find such a women but i have been married 21 years now.
your situation is very complicated due to the children and his past history of being selfish.
marriage usually will change your relationship...and not for the good. but what do I know./? so do what you want as you sound like you already made up your mind. really you have little to lose by getting married at this stage of the game. if you have to ask..i think you already have a serious doubt about this relationship working out.
2007-01-20 15:39:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you know him well, and that he isn't a let-downer on the inside, ready to cause you a world of pain once finances or things go south. You already know the divorce-rate. Make sure he's for real, and has a heart of gold... and most importantly, talk to him about it. Let him know how you want yourselves to be, as one, now and in the future. If you can become a mirror-image of each other (not being controlling, and always talking about things) then you'll never have issues, because they'll be squashed just as quickly as even the slightest rift is found. Just make sure he understands the importance of being for real, now and always.
If you can do that, then I'd say Yes, without a doubt.
2007-01-20 15:37:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one - If you love him and think there's nothing you can't talk about and work through, then do it. Don't wait too long. Marriage is wonderful and sometimes, really, really tough - but if you communicate well, you can get through some pretty big things. You'll never, ever be 100% that it's right but you can take the chance now that you're seeing that he can, in fact, become the man you want in your life (notice I didn't say "need" - you need to be sure that you're choosing to share your life with his - not take his on, or fold yours into his).
2007-01-20 15:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well no one ever knows if its right its crap shoot out there. but you should be in love with him and want no one else and feel very much in love with him if your not sure on these counts i would wait. but its normally to be fearful. I know when i got married i asked that night if it will always be like this and stuff and of course he said it will always be like this. hahah now im divorced.
If things are going well for you now why rock the boat just live together sometimes these work out better than marriages. you have each other whats a piece of paper.
2007-01-20 15:45:04 · answer #6 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know that he is the one for you. Just 'cause you have kids together doesn't mean that you should be together the rest of your lives. If you truly love him and he truly loves you then yeah get married. If you two can fight and then make up afterwards and you don't really mind to much when he farts or his feet smell and you can be around him without your makeup on and you can talk to him first thing in the morning without brushing your teeth first then you two should get married.
2007-01-20 15:36:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel in your heart, that you are ready to marry him... then by all means go for it! But don't marry him, if you feel like you're being forced into it, or its just an option, because (it won't last). Give it some more time, and think about the kids. The kids come first! Good Luck girl
2007-01-20 15:38:39 · answer #8 · answered by CUTIE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel any doubt, don't do it. Always listen to your inner self. You asking this question already shows me and others that you're having doubts, so listen to yourself. Ask yourself what marriage means to you. What he means to you. What LIFE means to you. Listen to yourself. Realize how you truly feel. And the most important thing you can do is sit down with pen and paper, and write down what a happy, wonderful life would be for you. Now read over it. Is marriage in the contents? Is your boyfriend in the contents? OR do you want MORE out of life? What do you truly want in your life? What will TRULY make you happy. Listen and learn. You can learn a lot from your inner self, trust me. Trust YOU!
2007-01-20 15:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by Bee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have any doubt don't do it. Until you are ready, wait. I know that he wants to and that could jepordize your relationship, but you have to think of yourself, the future, and your children. You don't want to get married, and then divorced 2 years later. I know that people have cold feet when getting married but they hopefully know that in the end they do want to be married to that person. Good Luck and the right answer will come to you.
2007-01-20 15:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by Mare 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋