Why does my daughter think i don't love her, when I do?

Question

She is a confident acting girl, who is very insecure, she thinks i dont love her or i even wanted her, when i love her to bits and wouldnt change anything for the world, she is very argumentative, much like me, its like talking to my 13yr old self, but sometimes we say awful things and she can say she didnt mean what she said, but when i say it she says i am lying and its hurting her coz i dont love her, WHEN I CLEARLY DO! :-(

Answer 1

Strait up tell her how you feel, she doesnt hate you but wait till she beleaves herself that she does

Answer 2

It is possible she doesn't believe when u say u didn't mean it because u are suppose to be the adult and set examples by not saying things to her u don't mean. I know this sounds horrible but children generally trust their parents and to hear these horrible things come out of ur mouth can be very damaging. I know all too well it is very hard to have an arguement with ur child without going over the edge but you really need to try harder because in the long run u are not going to get anywhere with her if this keeps happening. The only way you can make her believe u love her is to show her unconditionally.

Answer 3

She's still a kid! Don't be a kid too and hold a grudge. She will understand you better in about 10 years, but for now, even though she is looking and acting more grown up, inside, she is still a young girl, learning how to interact with people.

As the adult in this relationship it is up to you to step up to the plate and not take the bait that she is trying to use to start fights. If she won't believe what you say, simply restate it once and then leave it. Tell her that she doesn't have to believe you for it to be true. Because that's how it is. Don't keep pushing the issue or you become just as immature as she is.

Some counselling might be good for you both.

Answer 4

A 13 year old girl it at the stage where life is just begginning...and as a mother you need to support her all the way. You may want to try and do a little something out of your way everyday for her to show how much you care. Or each night have a little girl to girl talk where you tell eachother what happened that day and ask each other what you should do...if you take any of her advice and it works MAKE SURE TO TELL HER!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

First of all. Catch your tempure. When she yells something awful to you just say honey i hope you dont really mean that because i love you so much. You have to watch that tempur. My little girl takes tempur tantrums and the trick is to TRY to stay calm and tell the little girl the exact opposite of what she is saying to you. Like if she says i hate you, then you say in a calm voice, well honey i love you and never regret a day in my life that you were born. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just try it. Hope it works for you? I wouldnt worry to much, a child will see what works to push ur buttons.

Answer 6

She's testing you. She's trying to check and see if she acts bad enough, or says enough bad things to you, if you really will stop loving her. Choose your battles. When she says something that angers or hurts you, count to 10 before you respond. Think about why she might be saying those things.

You are the mother, you are still her "boss", and you are also the more mature one. Let her know you have limits and you expect her to obey them, but try very hard to tolerate the emotional outbursts she has. Everything shouldn't be a battle. You can't let it become a power trip...you vs. her. You can tell her that you love her, but actions speak louder than words.

Answer 7

I agree with all the above... I had two daughters who drove me crazy when they were 13 and beyond, and I used to lose my temper cos I am human.. but when the tempers died down I knew I could reach them when they were rested and in bed.. I used to climb in beside them and stroke their heads and reassured them that I loved them and would talk through and try and understand and guide them. I am not saying arguments didn t happen....that s family life.....but as the adult you are supposed to be guiding and not coming down to their level as sometimes its hard to do. Just reach out in the softer moments. I will add that they are two lovely women now who I am very proud of.. and yes we still have our gripes but its over in minutes. Hang on in there.

Answer 8

13 says it all I remember when I was 13 it doesn't matter what you say or how you say it she will still probably think that or say it for shock value my mother was the most gentle spoken person and very caring and it didn't stop me from saying and acting like that I was SPOILED she will out grow it I did after I got married lol

Answer 9

u see the thing is that u 2 are kind of the same, u even said so ur self, opposites attract mate, u'll have to do an opposite thing that u do when u were young

Answer 10

my sis is 14 and she does that. tries to bait my parents into fights by saying hurtful things. girls that age r all drama queens. lol. wouldnt worry to much. just make sure she knows deep down u luv her. tell her u luv her with words and show her u luv her with actions. and don't let her bait u with drama

Answer 11

start thinking BEFORE you speak!!!
shes 13, she is going to speak instead of thinking....but be the mom and think about how what u say to her is going to make her feel later.
if you think about how you were when u were 13 you'd realize that she probably really does feel like u dont love her! Shes 13!!!! at 13 everyone feels like they aren't loved and if you are saying harsh things to her in her mind your reassuring her that u dont love her.
be the grown up and think about this stuff before u start saying it to her