Why are some women so hateful toward other women who don't want kids?

Question

Aside from not having a desire to reporduce, there are So many reasons not to have kids. Too many women and men critisize other women who make the "taboo" statement of not wanting kids. It's no ones business except that of the particular women. So, what is the envy and hate all about?

To dumb *** Jose... selfish is a man or woman having kids, and then being horrid parents. Selfish is breeding to create consumers who use the earths resources like the rest of us are using and sometimes abusing. And I don't call having two Master's degrees and a career lazy. I really hope you are sterile!! Please get a vasectomy.

I'm thirty one and had the desire to have kids once back in '97 for about 5 min... then I realized that I just wanted a dog.

Adoption does cost lots of money! It would be great if more people who wanted kids adopted instead of had their own kids, if only adoption didn't cost thousands. Most people should be steralized! As a former foster care worker, I know that there are over 100,000 kids in the foster care system, BUT only a few thousand homes in America. The kids who are in foster care are sometimes further abused by the foster parents. The people who gave birth to these kids had NO Right ruining the lives of these kids. That's Selfish!

Answer 1

I know what you are talking about, and I have come to believe it has to do, at least partly, with envy.

My husband and I chose not to have children, and while no one has ever said anything to him, plenty of people have said things to me about it. Their remarks range from the ridiculous (afraid of stretchmarks or hemorrhoids?) to the insulting (hmm, your marriage must not be very solid...). It's very interesting to me because I usually do get those remarks from women. A few of my friends who do have children have talked with me about it, and they have all told me they think it has to do with envy. One of my friends explained that while she loves her child, and is glad to be a mother, she does envy some things about my life. She envies the freedom I have and the fact that my husband and I can just pick up and go out of town for the weekend on a whim, or overspend on something from time to time and not worry that we are spending the grocery money. The main thing she envies, however, is the fact that I am my husband's main concern, the apple of his eye, and his number one priority. She also envies the fact that I am able to focus entirely on him. She said she misses the time when she and her husband were one another's top priorities.

After we had that talk, I started listening more closely to the negative things other women would say to me. What I noticed was that women's comments seemed to mirror their specific concerns. For example, a woman whose husband does not pay very much attention to her or whose marriage is on shaky ground is the most likely to assume that my marriage is shaky, too. A woman who is very busy and doesn't have time or money for things like a new pair of "just-for-fun" shoes will make comments about selfishness. And women who make comments about physical things are quite often very insecure about the few extra baby-pounds they are still carrying. Curiously enough, I do get a lot of comments from single women, both single mothers and women who have not married yet. And do you know what their comments often are? That I must be afraid to share my husband with a child, or afraid of having to take second place in the home.

Overall, I have found that happy, secure women don't ever make negative comments. They usually say nice things, like they love motherhood, and they think we would be super parents and love the job, but they understand that it's a personal choice. But they aren't negative, and they aren't hurtful.

So, that's my take on the envy and hatred. Obviously, it's just based on my own experiences. If you can, please try to ignore the people who are negative to you. Some people are so miserable, they just want to spread the misery around so they aren't alone. Don't give them that satisfaction.

Oh, and one other thing. My husband and I thought we would have kids when we were first married, but changed our minds later on. However, it was never a big need or want for me. When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of being married and having a good solid marriage, but I never dreamed of having children. That makes me think that the people who believe it's a woman's destiny, and something dictated by her body, and something that every woman wants are full of baloney. Some women, maybe most women, do want it. But some of us do not.

Answer 2

I totally agree with you and I don't want children either. I'm only in my mid 20's but my husband and I decided we don't want to have children...maybe that will change in time, but at the present time, it's just not an option we are interested in.

I think some people only have kids due to the fear that when they get older, they will be alone or that when they die, there is no-one to carry on their name and they will soon be forgotten. It's very final and that terrifies a lot of people. It's sad really, because you can have kids and you can still end up alone, because they don't ever bother visiting and can't be bothered with you. Or you can not have kids and be surrounded by friends and family to the day you die and be remembered for the person you were, not because you had children to remind everyone that you existed.

It is no-one else's business what you choose to do, so don't feel pressured it change your mind to please these overcritical women, who should focus on their own lives and families.

Take care : )

Answer 3

Its the persons decision to reproduce or not. I have 4 kids. There are days I do envy the ones that decided not to. There are other times where I wouldn't give my kids up for the world. Kids are not angels all the time. There are times when I do get freedom away from them which every mother needs at some point. We get burnt out if we don't take a few moments to breathe a little. But choosing to have kids or not its no one else's business.

Answer 4

I love kids myself, but I never had the desire to have my own either. Some people were surprised by my choice, but I've never encountered any hostility over it. I have been envied in a way because life is a LOT simpler in many ways without the responsibility of having children. That doesn't mean my life is a breeze either. Some people just can't understand our choice because they think that we'll leave nothing behind when we die. But I know that's not true. Every life touches another in some way. I don't need to spread my genes around to prove that I've been here. I've also worked in nursing homes and seen plenty of elderly people with lots of children who simply abandoned them there and never came back to see them, so I'm not afraid of being alone in my old age either. There are no guarantees either way, so you have to be true to yourself. I'd much rather regret not having kids than have them and screw them up because I wasn't prepared to take on the responsibility like so many people have. Too many people have children who shouldn't really. I wish more people thought it out like we did.

Answer 5

Having children requires commitment, sacrifice and a great deal of time and energy (if you do it right). For some, there are times when they might regret the decision to have kids and seeing somebody footloose and fancy free by comparison can make people resentful of the sacrifices that they have made. As in; why do YOU get to travel and spend as you like and have a peaceful evening and on and on and on. My guess is that there are not many (if any) parents that do not, on occasion think wistfully of the freedom they had before the kids came along. Seeing somebody that is NOT similarly burdened an be irksome.

Answer 6

I don't know. We should all have the choice and be respected for those choices. Some people seem to think you simply can't BE a woman and not want kids...that's crap. I know plenty of women who not only had one kid, but three or four, and never should have had them in the first place. Like anything else, it's a personal choice, and you shouldn't be criticized for that.
And "Jose"--when are YOU going to give birth? Oh, right, judging by your name your a guy...really easy to criticize a woman for making a choice you'll never have to face, isn't it? When you're faced with squeezing a lemon out of your urethra, then giving up sleep, free time, going out and hobbies to care for another human being, then you can criticize. So, in other words...

Answer 7

I think everyone should leave each other alone! About having/not having kids: why is there so much pressure on women? Have them or don't have them, as far as I'm concerned. I really feel strongly about what you said: it's far better for a woman not to have children than to have them when she doesn't want to. Unwanted children are not happy children. No one yells at men who don't want kids! Maybe some women just don't want to admit that they don't want kids, so they're hateful to those who are honest enough to be true to themselves. Having kids, I think, is a very sacred choice--an honor, not a requirement! Women are not baby-making machines, for god's sake!!

Sorry, I get worked up about that stuff...:) Anyway, stay strong and march on...I do want a kid or two, but won't hate you for not being like me!

Answer 8

I have no idea how old you are but I have never thought of not wanting children as being taboo and I don't think those in my generation feel that way either. Kids are hard to take care of and I don't blame anyone for not wanting to have them. Besides sometimes they smell funny anyways.

Answer 9

It can be that some women think its is very important to pass one's genes down into the gene pool because scientifically that is what all organisms are meant to do. But with all the, unplanned pregnancies occuring in adolecents and all the kids up for adoption it can be good that some people choose not to have kids its a way for the earth not to get over populated, because if we get over populate we would run out of recources and we would die out, we just have to keep the cycle of life in balance.

Answer 10

I also couldn't possibly fathom a life with kids. I can't believe people still do it anymore. Doesn't everyone have a friend who had kids who are total nightmares? I guess nobody ever thinks "that" is going to happen to them. Everyone thinks their kids will be genius angels. Well I don't see too many when I go out and experience them.

People seem to go on auto-pilot after they get married (or before sometimes). They seem to think it's something that is required of them by a certain age. There is no planning or prior self-education. After all, it's such a "natural" phenomenon. People should just intuit how it should be done. And then they raise a few snot-nosed brats and give up ever trying to discipline them when they realize how difficult it is.

The Bible-thumpers have a million reasons why it's a woman's duty to procreate. Uneducated people don't know any better. Arrogant parents who are tired and angry for even trying have a major complex about the CHILD-FREE. I just chalk it up to envy. And the people who tell us that we'll change out minds have already lost theirs.

You and I, my dear, will retire early and have someone else's kids mix us drinks poolside.