When I went on maternity leave my husband and I agreed that I would quit my job and school so I could be with the kids...At first I thought it was a great idea but it's been about 8 months and my son is now 3 mo. old and I want to go back to work.
My hubby seems to think that I should be greatful to have the opportunity to stay home and that I am not thinking about what's best for our kids. His mother never worked until they were all in high school, so I am assuming he wants the same for our children. I love being there for them but I am ALWAYS with children and I very rarely get a break to do things for myself or by myself. I have no friends or family of my own, so I always saw going to work as my time to interact with adults and get a break from home, even though I was working . Anyway I guess I am wondering if what I am feeling is selfish of me to want to go back to work??
2007-01-20 15:16:15 · 24 answers · asked by Winnie08_98 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Many GREAT answers! Thanks to all who answered!
2007-01-22 04:18:20 · update #1
Winnie, you should not feel selfish at all for wanting to go back to work. Part of raising your kids successfully is to spend some time apart. If you do not go back to workyou will regret it later if that is want you want now. You will appreciate your kids much more if you are fullfilling your dreams as well and they will respect you for that decision. I have been a stay at home Mom for 14 years and believe me I am sorry I am not working, I am trying to get a job now and it seems impossible because I have no current job history. Maybe you could just try it part time then add hours as you get more comfortable with the idea. Good luck and God Bless you and your family. Congrats on the little one! Claire
2007-01-20 15:26:23 · answer #1 · answered by Claire 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
absolutly not selfish. if you want to go back to work do it, if you stay home and your not happy that is no good for the children.
why not have both worlds, get a part time job. even if is just to satisfy your emotional needs to work. then when you are at home with the kids, the time will be enjoyable.
besides that all moms need a break and all kids need to get away from mom and dad also.
On the other hand i do agree with your husband, i have found that kids with a parent home do better. Especially when the children are at such a young age,like yours. And yes you should be gratefull that you can stay home with the children.
If i was in your shoes and i could finish my schooling i would do that first before i would get another job. You started your schooling why not finish it. That would benifit you more in the long run. there is a whole lifetime to work. So on that note enjoy the children when they are young,get your education and return to work when they are a few years older.
2007-01-21 01:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by jhdjkhblpk;mvhyf nbjhghbmnbjgb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a new mom in this situation and it's really great to hear someone else verbalize this complex problem.
In answer to your initial question, no, I don't think it's wrong and I don't think you should feel selfish for wanting to get a break. I'd be throwing things at any husband who viewed the thankless 24/7 job of at-home parenting as a "great opportunity." You notice no one says this about day care workers, and they get to send the kids home at the end of the day.
I've been "home" now (not working outside the home) for about the same length of time and depending on what day it is, I either love it or am ready to work at McDonalds (even with my Master's degree) just to get a break. Yes, it's great for our kids; yes, it's a great thing to do; but the reality is that it's also very isolating and lonely, even in the best situation.
Ultimately, I think this is something you have to answer for yourself. But don't let anyone tell you that it's better to stay home or better to work. It's better to do what is right for you and your family and if you are miserable at home, then you won't be doing your kids any favors staying home and spilling all that unhappiness on them.
2007-01-20 23:27:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men/husbands/fathers will never understand what it is like to be "stuck" at home with a baby 24/7. They're sweet as they can be, but tiny babies don't make good company-- at least socially, anyway! ... I started watching CNN when I was at home with my daughter just to hear an adult voice every now and then. I got a little depressed sometimes, and decided that it was time for me to go back to school part time. -- It was the best descision I ever made. I would have gone crazy without it! -- I was only gone 2 days a week from 9-1, and I got a chance to get out and do something for ME!! ... Not everyone else!
You dont have to get a job, but find something you enjoy doing away from home and do it! You deserve it, and so does your family! You will be a happier, better mom and wife in the end!
2007-01-20 23:23:30 · answer #4 · answered by IWantToKnow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with what you feel. I understand that you miss the interaction that you don't have with adults. But, there's nothing better then you raising your children giving them your values instead of someone Else given them their values. You don't have to stay at home until your kids are in high school but, at least until they start school. you can put them in after school day care. For now you sound like you need to get out. Why don't you find a group of stay at home moms in your area. Like that you have adults that you can interact with and your child can have some playmates. And try to have a night when you all take turns watching each others kids so the rest of the moms can have a night out. Well, don't feel like your a selfish or a bad parent we all have our moments. We are parents and we feel guilty if we work and we aren't with our kids. Or if we are with our kids and we don't work. Never ending. Good luck and i hope it helps! :)
2007-01-20 23:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by pinkbubbles282004 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's defiantly NOT selfish. You need a life outside of dirty diapers and feedings. Consider going back to work part time even if it's a job like working in a clothing store. You deserve to have conversations with adults too. Consider volunteering or taking a class to get you out of the house once a week. You may be a Mom now but YOU don't have to stop living.
2007-01-20 23:23:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you have liked to be raised by a day care or even a grandma or your mom? Mom right.
Here is an alternative, get a very part time job. Maybe a few hours every week to get some adult interaction and regain your identity. This way your husband can have a little individual bonding time with your kid. You will feel rejuvinated and appreciate the time you do have with your family. When your son is in Kindergarden then you might want to step up the hours.
2007-01-20 23:25:27 · answer #7 · answered by MirandaPen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I applaud you for not being lazy enough to want to stay home. Stay at home moms do not realize that there is more to life than raising kids. How about fulfillment, goals, and while you're at it, paving the way for your child to have a better life.
I know some kids in my daughter's school do not get to participate in the extra activities (the ones that you have to pay for) or get to go on trips or to birthday parties, or even on vacation because they have these 'stay at home moms' who won't bother to get a job, even though the kids are in school all day and there is nothing stopping them from getting at least a part time job to affor their kids the extras.
Don't do yourself (or your child) an injustice by becoming nothing more than a mother. Parenting is the greatest job in the world, but so is being a human being.
2007-01-21 19:32:06 · answer #8 · answered by Kate373 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how much pressure or hours your job would require, but I think it would be better if you could stay home with your son. Three months is still very young. Whatever you decide to do, please don't be one of those parents who allows someone else to raise their child 10 hours a day. If you don't really need the extra money, I think it is a bit selfish for you to wanna go back so soon. Maybe you can find some other interest or hobby to occupy your time.
2007-01-20 23:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by melissa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, how can keeping your sanity be selfish? I have three kids and was a stay at home mom for a minute, but like you I missed the actual conversation of adults... Having some "me time" is healthy and good for the soul. Try letting your husband know that you love your children and him as well, but you also love yourself and that you value your independence (what you have left,lol) as much as he values his. Try maybe even saying you want to contribute finically to the family as well...good luck with this one, I know it can be a battle.
2007-01-20 23:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by simply dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋