I'm curious about this. My father and I have a fairly unstable relationship since I told him I was gay, and while I hope for improvement, I've noticed that this tends to be a factor with other gay men that I know. I was wondering if it was exclusively with gay men, or does it differ between bisexuals and trans? And what about relationships between lesbians and their parents? Its something I'm really curious about.
2007-01-20 15:08:50 · 11 answers · asked by Ryuu C. S. 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I realize that this isn't -always- true. But from what i've heard, its very common. I would like to know why that is.
2007-01-20 15:17:27 · update #1
andrew0853 makes a really good point, and this is exactly what I was driving at. Andrew, I can understand that you would be left with nothing. My father said he felt this way when I confronted him last year. The question I'm begging is -why- does it matter if he's a son or daughter, masculine or feminine... I can make guesses at it all I like, but I honestly don't know. The real question I'm driving at isn't "how do I have a better relationship with my dad." I already know how. I'm asking "Why dad? Why not Mom or Sister or Grandma or Grandpa or Aunt or Uncle?" Why is it so commonly specific with DAD?
2007-01-20 15:29:33 · update #2
Some people think that gay men are gay because of a distant relationship with their fathers but do not take into account that the fathers of gay men distance themselves from their sons because they notice a difference that they are unable to relate to. Heterosexual men feel threatened when confronted by homosexual men, and when that homosexual man is their own son they are not only unable to relate to the difference but are also confused, so they withdrawal from the relationship instead of confronting the differences.
2007-01-20 15:22:41 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Think of it this way; i love my son but now he is gay; he acts more like a girl. now i have a daughter; ur relationship is gonna be like a daughter father relationship. and whats the best thing about daughter father relationships? I'll protect my Lil girl form the big bad men. well that doesn't apply to a gay man. so what u got left is nothing.
or he can disagree with ur views and think ur repulsive.
beging gay isn't easy; maybe u should be blunt wit your dad and ask him this question.
EDIT 1-21-07
in response to ur other question I'd think its cuz father son relationships is special; more special than grandpa grandson sister brother; its completely diffrent.
just think of a father son relationship and all it in-tales one BIG one beging women, that factor left out alone could dramatically change the relationship; but what else? do u still enjoy sports? other "manly" things?
and also a sad but very possible factor could be that he disagrees with how u live ur life even if he choices not to show it.
2007-01-20 15:16:15 · answer #2 · answered by andrew0853 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not always true. One of my best gay friends has a close relationship with his dad, and his mom had the most problems with his coming out.
I don't think one can make generalizatons about family relationships like it is a predictable set of factors. Every person involved is different.
2007-01-20 15:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It took my parents a really long time to accept me, and my parents are real homophobic. They have always hated and insulted gays when they saw them in public or on TV. It was really hard for me to come out to them. But they just never liked the idea of me being with a guy, especially if the guy was masculine in the relationship. They consider it rape, not sex. My boyfriend is masculine and i still haven't introduced him to my parents. We have a "Don't ask, Don't tell policy" in my family.
2016-05-24 03:20:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father and I were tight. I could tell that man anything and he'd never waiver from listening to me while not stopping what he was doing, until he'd look at me right in the eye and let me know what was on his mind, then go back to his space and give me the opportunity to join him there. He never waivered. It sounds tough and in some ways it was but his love for me and my brothers was infallible. I have no experience with what you present here. My Dad taught me alot without trying.
2007-01-20 15:25:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
hy hons gay boyfriends daviie and steeviie, gasy porno stars and nude waiters gay mens bar restaurants and male stripperss and leadinh nude centerfold modeels. and, my current boyfriend steeviies dad was a biterr chronicc alochaloicc. we both grew up as childhood. nebighorhodd friends at first. steves dad was a travelling insurance executive mega bucks. the minute his dad would get off the road, he would use steves. mother as a punching bag. i never seen so much hatredd and bitterness in one marriage, and the knock, downe drag out fights. the bustedd windows furniture. and his dad was always picking up cheap whores on the road. he would relate too us boyz what a dead-- f steeviies mother was and brag behing her back to us about the whores he would pick up in honky tonk motells. and when the figfhts started we would climb up in my boyfriends tree house too escape the drunk and the wicked , wicked fights. we dont know about lesibian relationships that much. we are just relating too the time we were growing up. alocholl played a factor here in our growing up. anyways at 16 and i7 we came out. we are now 21 and 22. and when we both came out at that time, stevie dad threw us out of, there lives he raised so much hell we left with clothes on our backs. never loked back.
2007-01-20 15:32:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Gosh this question made me cry I'm so sorry your father has distance himself from you that is not what is needed at all. I believe many fathers do it because they are afraid of what they do not understand. I am not for being gay but that doesn't mean I like back away caus i'm afraid or anything. But my best friend is gay and his relationship with his father has diminished although in that situation it is due to my friend cutting of contact because of guilt. My friend's father loves him so much but my friend has actually shyed away so to speak. It's just awful to see that kind of break.
Love,
mmmk92
2007-01-20 15:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by mmmk92 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think it's the fathers being distant that contributed to the son's persuasion, not the son being gay and then the father being distant. JMHO though.
2007-01-20 15:14:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sugar Pie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
well my father has been dead for 30 years...but my father in law..I'm gay married Canadian...is anything but distant from both of us.
2007-01-20 15:16:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think men in general are emotionally retarded! Our society and culture trains them that way.
2007-01-20 15:12:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋