How did you reconcile your faith with your orientation or gender identity?

Question

Basically, I'm curious as to how you all have done this if at all. Were you a) able to go to the same place of worship you always did, b) switch to a more GLBT-friendly one in your area, c) switch to another religion or d) give up on the idea of religion entirely?

By posting this question, I hereby declare that I will pass no judgement on anyone who answers. I am simply asking out of curiosity.

Answer 1

First a, but that didn't work, and then I moved. Then d. Then a, and then b.

First I walked away from religion entirely. I adjusted to my sexuality, to myself as I now knew myself to be. Then I worked through my beliefs to determine what they really were. I found that my actual beliefs aren't in sync with any one religion- they're a mish-mosh of little pieces from lots of different faiths.

Then I figured that more of my beliefs fit with Christianity than any other faith, so that's what I'd stick with. Not that I need a religion to be of faith, but I like the community I have in church.

I returned to the church I grew up in, and it was great for a while. Then the pastor left, and the new one was far too conservative for my tastes. I moved in with my fiance in another state, and joined a church there. The pastor knows my fiance is transgender, and he will be marrying us someday.

Answer 2

For me, I look at my transsexualism as a birth defect. I see myself as a woman with a medical condition, not a man becoming a woman as so many people assume. I do not consider myself a part of the TG community or the LGBT. (I consider myself transsexual and not transgender.) Since I truly see myself as just another mainstream woman, the worship part is no problem (internally speaking). If any other woman can go to church and love the Lord, why should it be any more different for a woman like me with this correctable medical condition?

Jesus loved the man who was born blind in John 9. There is a passage where a eunuch was led to the Lord. They were probably the closest thing to transsexuals that existed back then.

To me, my denomination is mostly non-negotiable. I was a Baptist before I transitioned, and transition does not change your beliefs, so I stayed a Baptist. I was even raised to believe homosexuality was wrong, so once I was able to convince myself that true-TSism isn't a form of homosexuality, I had little problem internally with reconciling my gender condition with my faith.

Now, most others do not have the understanding that I have. I could not go to the same church where I was a member after I transitioned. I visited once years later, and while I was welcomed, I was not respected. They called me by my old name and kept using male pronouns. I felt degraded. So since I was not allowed to go there right after I started transition, I tried other churches. I was escorted out of several. "Young man, we aren't going to put up with your games around here! God made you a man, so don't come back unless you dress the way God made you!" I am sure the deacon really did not want me to come as I was made - I wasn't made with clothes.

Eventually, things got so bad in my town with my life being in constant danger, the constant harassment and death threats, and being evicted, I moved to another town. It was rough getting started there, and I found some of the same bigotry. But I managed and did find a Baptist church where I attended for 4 years without problems until the rumors started. I was allowed to join the Women's Missionary Union, join the choir, and join a ladies Sunday School class. After that, I tried outside my denomination, but did not agree with the doctrines nor formats. I tried finding other Baptist churches, and it usually lasted for a month before there were problems or I was requested to meet with the pastor and others.

Currently, I'm not going anywhere. If I move to another city, I may try looking again. My belief system and my gender situation makes it tough to find a church, and I refuse to compromise either one. They are both a firm part of who I am. I've even considered planting a church, but I would need support in doing so and I would need to know that it is my calling. There is one church where I can only attend. I cannot join it, join any ladies activities, nor serve in a leadership role. That is not good enough, but much better than nothing. Now if I could ever afford facial feminizing surgery, and I don't see it since I am on a fixed income, I think the church problems would be lessened.

Answer 3

For me reconciling my orientation and faith was not a big problem. As a teenager I spent a few weeks and actually read the bible cover to cover, making notes and asking lots of questions. Afterward, I did a bit of historical research. Armed with all the information I could gather I came to the following conclusions (short version):

Nowhere in the old or new testaments does either God or Jesus condemn homosexuality. Yes, there is a condemnation in the old testament. HOWEVER, this condemnation comes from a list of rules compiled by the Jewish leaders of the time who came up with many of the rules out of hatred for the Greeks, not devine inspiration. This list of rules also included sins such as cutting your hair, allowing women to enter a church and eating pork. In this list of rules were also some things that were considered OK. These included killing your wife and selling your daughters into slavery. Now it's my feeling that you either have to accept this list as Gods will and follow ALL the rules OR accept the fact that a pissed off, control freak Rabbi snuck some personal bias into the bible. So, if any male (yes, only males are worthy to speak out loud regarding anything religious) wife killing, slave fathering, never had a single bite of pork, long haired guys want to call me a sinner, that is their perogative. Anyone else calling my sexual orientation a sin is just an ignorant bigot and should really get to know their own religion.

Given the above, I found my way out of that feeling "God hates Fags" hammered into so many heads by sad, misguided religious "leaders" and came out the other side feeling that my creator loves and cares for me.

On the flip side, Jesus DOES state directly that we humans have to no place to judge each other and that we should love one another.

One final point. You asked if I reconciled by orientation and my faith. This I did do. What I have not done is reconcile almost any part of myself with the major organized religions.

Hope this is the picture into the mind of a happy christian **** you were hoping to find.

Answer 4

I gave up on organized religion long ago. I believe that there is a purpose to my life and something or some part of me (even if it is only molecular) will continue in the universe. I think that if there is a god...then he is far above my powers of understanding...He would have to be far superior to the human mind...so much so that it would be virtually impossible for a human to understand the nature of the universe. I don't think that a serious god who wanted to be worshipped would have only left a little book printed by men who were stating his wishes. If you read the bible...Mr Big really isn't a very nice guy.

Answer 5

I am a bisexual woman who happens to be monogamously married to a man. When I first admited to myself that I was bisexual, I was 18. I was very conflicted and upset because I was raised Catholic and was always told that gay people go to hell. I decided to read the Bible, particularly the passages that are always quoted by hate mongers. I realized that I didn't believe that this was the word of God. I believe that God could not have that kind of anger, hate, and judgement in Him. So I basically thought for myself, did a lot of reading and soul searching, and decided that, while I do believe in God, I do not believe in the Bible or in any form of Chrisitianity. I believe God loves us all as he created us and that we must do our best to live our lives in a good, decent manner. He simply doesn't care if I'm sleeping with a man or a woman. What he does care about is how I treat my partner, my family, my freidns, my neighbors, and all of my fellow human beings.

Answer 6

I don't have this problem seeing as I'm not religious... But is the churches give you a hard time, say:
"Love Thy Neighbour!"
or
"What, are you a Homophobe..? Are you being politically incorrect? Dear me, God won't like his creations passing judgements upon each other like this... *tut tut*"
Or you can worship from home. I would personally Backhand the priest. What right has s/he got to turn you down cause of you're sexual preferences? It's stupid.
...And you may ask why I'm not religious... :)

Answer 7

I reconciled my orientation first, my faith was secondary. You see, for me I'm a human being first and foremost. I have a brain and I intend to use it. Secondly comes my family before my faith. My family is tangible, my faith, well, it requires faith. Next comes my partner whom I consider part of my family but if needed I would choose my family over his immediate needs, this is a sketchy area. My faith is third, I am not so stubborn or stupid as to put faith first over humanity. In my opinion to do so limits the gift of life by exploring outside your circle. I have no intention to limit learning by spending a life limiting myself preparing for an afterlife. Thank you for your time.

Answer 8

I did option c). In effect, I have created my own religion by not taking the Bible seriously but taking it for its morals; I refuse to subscribe to organized religion because there are so many religions that it's very assuming, in my opinion of course, to choose any specific brand of religion.

Answer 9

I was raised in a Bible pounding, hellfire and brimstone church.

Obviously I was less than welcome there....they tried all the BS you'd expect, including treating my orientation as demon possession and casting out the demons...like an exorcism.

This hateful treatment chased me away from religion for years.

Thankfully after much soul searching and study I found a wonderful church home.

Answer 10

I know God is accepting because I accept myself. Any church that would tell me I was wrong is not the place I would want to worship nor would the people who believe that be people I would want to be close to.
I don't judge those who choose to believe they are riotous and I am a deviant, I see their prejudice as a handicap and feel sorry for them. I pray that they will gain enlightenment and understanding of true love and acceptance.