My husband and I have been together for 10 years but married for 3 years. It's getting to the point that I feel like my husband is bored with me. I see a problem here and I want to fix it. Tell me what you would do to keep him interested in you sexually and emotionally. I've tried talking about it but he gets annoyed. He works 14 hour days 6 days a week so I try to approach him with my feelings without being dramatic.He doesn't want to talk about it. What would you do to spice it up a little?In such a little time frame.
Oh yeah...by the way..we have 3 kids 5,3,and 1 yrs old so finding time other than the shower isn't easy.
Thanks for any help
2007-01-20 14:53:36 · 22 answers · asked by nikolesmommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Always talk.
Get away for a special weekend.
Good Luck
2007-01-20 14:57:27 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! At first I thought I wrote this! My husband I have been together for 14 years, married for 6 of them, so I know what you are going through. First, you need to remember that it is not only what you can do, but also what he can do to improve the situation. But some advice that I have for you is try not to talk to him about these issues right after he gets home from work and try not to plan anything special for when he gets home from work..that is a bad time b/c my husband works long days also. The next day you are off together you need to get a sitter for the day and plan something special that you know he likes. For that day you need go back to the time when you didn't have kids and do the things you did then(sexually and otherwise). I believe that he is not necessarily bored with you, but rather burnt out from work and the responsibilities of raising three small children. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-01-20 15:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by fieldpot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain!! My hubby and I have been together for 14yrs with two boys 9 and 6 and he also works 12hr shifts 7 days a week. From my experience, they are so tired from working. My hubby used to turn me away simply because he only has so many hours to get sleep and was exhausted. Also, every marriage goes through lulls where you will feel like he is bored or tired of marriage. This is so normal. You guys will be ok. Honestly... what helped us was me just pampering him. This sounds really really corny, but (and I can email this privatly if you want) you need to find his 'love language'. How he percieves love. For instance, for me, my language is 'service'. Don't bring me flowers, or take me out.... Do the dishes and it's ON! For him, it's verbal. So, washing his car or giving him gifts does nothing for him. But pumping up his ego does! Figure out how he perceives love and do it. I know that you are just as (probably more) tired than he is. But try over the week to make him lunches, rub his back when he gets home. Keep the kids calm when he gets home so they aren't all over him and he can relax. I have a real problem with griping when he comes right home and sits for about 10 min and then gets up, announces he is going to bed and poof he is gone. I get to lock up, put kids to bed shut down the house and then I can hit the hay and it bugs me when he doesn't help. If this is also true in your case, try encouraging him to go up to bed and get some rest. Do this during the week and then when his day off comes, let him sleep as long as he needs and (again this sounds corny, but works) Let him know how much you appreciate how much and how hard he works for the family. Literally, just during a commercial, look over and say 'I just want to make sure you know that I really appreciate all that you do, you are such a great hubby and dad! I love you.' And then let it sit. Don't expect anything back. I guarantee he will start paying attention - sexually and emotionally. You don't have to do this forever, but it really does become habit and he will return the favors also automatically after a short time.
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying kiss his butt and be a doormat. But, he is tired and sometimes work can make a guy feel like he isn't getting anywhere because he is just simply there too much. So, we have to kick start 'em. Being at work that much, they don't realize how hard we work during the day with the kids. Don't fault him too much for that. There will be a time when work will slow down and he will get a fair dose of that, lol.
Whatever you do, don't worry. This too shall pass. It will be OK.
Guys that work those kind of hours are a different creature. They have more stress and their 'world' is work and it is hard to wind down and pay attention to what we think is important. All day we think about him and he thinks about what he has to do at work. You just need to be nice and remind him what all that work is for.
Good Luck, I hope this helped some!!
2007-01-20 15:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by The cat did it. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One thing he needs to find a job & work 5 days a week, he is getting burned out it sounds like. Obviiously he's not the talking type from the sounds of it. Do u have anyone responsible enough to take the kids for a night on his day off. Try to put the kids to bed early, keep them up during the day & when he gets home be in some Longerie or something eyecathing & put on a flick if he watches them & have some whip cream or some flavored lotion , show him u can still get freaky & that your still intersted. They say actions speak louder than words so let your body talk loudly & see where that goes. Hopefully it goes well . Hell give him a lap dance or 2 show him you still have some life in you.
2007-01-20 15:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by pammybear1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
14 hours a day and 6 days a week and coming home to 3 little kids he aint bored with you.. he is tired...once a month set up a special time for the 2 of you .. let the kids spend the night with a family member... cook a nice dinner and drink a few drinks.(if u drink) watch a nice movie or go out on a date like you did before you had a family..see if he would be interested in role play ..good luck
2007-01-20 15:23:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the poor guy is most likely tired and burnt for working all those hours, I would if I were you, instead of talking and nagging, start by doing, By this, I mean on the weekend, or his last day of work have the house all cleaned up and the kids, either in bed or babysitters. Have a nice meal together make him his favorites, give him a little back massage and light kisses and lots of smiles and small chit-chat, No Drama about any thing, including bills, chores or kids!! make it fun and relaxing and a little wine wouldn't hurt either and then maybe things can be more relax and he might open up for some intimate moments I can assure you he is not bored just a little tired of the routine of work work work Make him some play time and Never Never criticize. good luck!
2007-01-20 15:09:04 · answer #6 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is working that much, he is probably overwhelmed more than anything! Try to find some time for the two of you. If money is an issue than ask a relative to watch the kids and go back home and fix dinner together, flirt, pamper him.......chances are you can rekindle romance with a little alone time!
2007-01-20 15:05:10 · answer #7 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have family or friends that could babysit a couple of days, so you and he can go off by yourselves, just a change of scenery will help you both alot. Talk to each other, rekindle those feelings you both know are there but rarely act on now, because of work, the kids and Both wore out at the end of the day.
2007-01-20 15:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I have been married 29 years and when I was married for 23 years,,, all hell broke loose,, YOU have to plan date nights fairly often. It's a must,, not maybe,, to keep communication open,,, it's hard to get sexy or talk with 3 kids,, believe me I know,, I have kids and our only time is after they are in bed..
Learn some new ways to please him, new meals to cook that he would enjoy in between the dates. Most of all,, cuddle him and treat him like your favorite teddy bear.
If he want talk,, maybe you can just touch him at night in ways to where he would be talking soon, smiles GOOD LUCK
2007-01-20 15:12:40 · answer #9 · answered by Brokenheart 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow this is a hard one and i feel for you.
does your hubby feel that things are strained or is he unhappy in the marriage? could you possibly be reading too much into it?
why do you feel he is getting bored with you? what has he said or done to make you think that?
its a shame he has to work so many hours, for your kids time with him as much as your time together. is there any way he could knock back on some hours? i know will bills and living this is a big suggestion but think about it.
all i can think is that the kids must be in bed fairly early, try to have an early night yourselves once and a while and make the suggestion to make time for intimacy...
i think its sad you feel you have to do extra to please him. you raise his 3 kids 24/7, you dont have it easy either!
good luck
2007-01-20 15:06:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a night of fun and sex! make "Friday" ur naughty night. On fridays, put the kids to sleep early or make arrangments for them to be watched.
Do some things he always wanted. WHen he gets home surprise him by wearing something sexy or nothing......do things u wouldnt normally do or what he said he likes.
Every couple with kids needs time to be alone......find a way fast...
2007-01-20 15:02:11 · answer #11 · answered by Hi my name is... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋