my bf and i are buying a house next month and getting married.when we were talking about bills and such he said he does not want a house phone he wants to just use our cell phones.when i explained i allways had a house phone and would like one now he said ok but he did not want to be listed in the phone book(i could have my name in there just not his)he had 101 excuses why he did not want to be in there but none of them made any sence but he was VERY serious and told me more than once not to list him.now i find this wierd because he was and still is listed in the phone book with his exwife and could care less(they have been divorced over 5 yrs and hes still listed with her).so why for 12 yrs he was listed with his 1st wife with no problems but is having a fit about being in the phone book with me?its not his ex she knows about me, and has our phone numbers.it just makes me think is there someone else he might not want know hes re-married,or call him on a phone that i might answer?
2007-01-20 14:32:08 · 35 answers · asked by jennyguil897 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Is it worth you two fighting over a phone and a name. He's a guy, he doesn't care about little things like cell vs. home phones and who's name its in. He probibly has a lot of connections to his name and old phone number. You can't expect him to drop and end he old life just because he's starting over with you. Like I said, it doesn't have anything to do with his ex or you, it just has to do with the fact he has ties to his old life, not ex.
And besides, you two have a lot more to worry about than that. Me and my husband use our cells anyway, we hated the landline. Awful reception.
2007-01-20 14:37:43 · answer #1 · answered by bridetobebrandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of the phone listing issue, I would advise you to straighten out the trust issue before buying a house and marrying each other. Whether he's being shady, or you're being paranoid, doesn't matter- what matters is that you really dont seem to be in any position to get married or commit to a house if you are having these thoughts! Think this thru before its too late and tell him what you're told all of us. Just confront him stright up with how you feel and that it makes you think he's hiding something from you. If you can't talk to him before anyone else than can you really have the right foundation for marriage??
Good luck with this.
2007-01-20 14:38:39 · answer #2 · answered by Coco Jingle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he a private person? My parents are very private and do not list there phone number in the book. And they would have a fit if it was suggested to do so. Sometimes, people prefer to be unlisted for simple privacy reasons. I would ask you if you thought it was possible that he may be hiding something, but these days, simply keeping your name from being listed in the phone book will not prevent you from being found. So i would think its just because he doesnt like being harrassed by those nuisance telemarketers. Well, you shouldn't worry too much. It all depends on just how much you trust him. I think it sounds perfectly fine..
2007-01-20 14:39:09 · answer #3 · answered by zaytox0724 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Conflicts in marriage and before marriage are common. They're healthy, though dangerous if left unresolved in a proper way.
Now, I'm not married, nor am I a psychologist, so I'm just going to have to give my opinion from observation.
Just ask to talk to him for a little while. Sit in a quiet, relaxing room and tell him the way you feel - cliche saying, but it's true. Don't use "you", use a lot of "I". "I feel this", "I would like to see this happen", "I don't like". Don't say anything like "You need to", "You would understand if only", "You have no reason to". That could lead to the impression of accusation. For example, "I would like our name in the phone book because we're married, and I would like this unity between us. If there is something bothering you about putting our name in the phone book, I would like to know so that we can resolve this so that we are both happy". Give him time to respond, and if he doesn't really want to talk, tell him you understand. There will always be opportunities to talk.
Don't be worried about this "someone else", because there is you and him.
Hope I helped, and I hope things get resolved!
2007-01-20 14:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by Ami 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All signs point to a justification of your suspicion. I don't want to be the guy to say that perhaps this isn't a man you should be making a long term financial or emotional committment to but the fact that you are posting this question may indicate that you are looking for confirmation (or rebuttal) of something you aren't ready to look at in the harsh light of day. I'd encourage you to think long and hard about what your gut is telling you. More often than not, your first instinct is correct.
2007-01-20 14:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by Goofy Foot 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First I think you are over-thinking this WAY too much. If he doesn't want his name in there, just respect that and don't list it or publish it.
You said he gave you 101 reasons why he doesn't want it. He gave you 100 too many. ONE should have been plenty.
I haven't had my name listed or published for 20 years for one simple reason. I am a business manager and am forced to fire too many people.
Whatever his reason, he doesn't want it .. end of story. Respect his wishes. If you are questioning him this much about this - there may be trouble ahead ... You need to trust him.
2007-01-20 14:37:02 · answer #6 · answered by ValleyR 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you making a big thing out of this? All yopu have to do when you apply for the phone apply for an unlisted phone. that way only people you give the number to can call you. Your
boyfriend wants privacy. Also my advice to you don't give the phone number to anybody he knows . Tell them they havre to get it from him
2007-01-20 14:41:48 · answer #7 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what I think is that he is using the phone as a metaphor for the marriage because he is not sure if he really wants to get married again. or he is having an affair and he might not want you to find out.but it could be as simple as he might not want his ex to his number.
2007-01-20 14:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by Angela T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you try telling him what you just wrote? The only logical reason I can think of is that he doesn't want to receive telemarketing calls, but you can register online to prevent those at www.donotcall.gov. Other then that, it really doesn't make sense. Try showing him the question you posted and see what he says.
2007-01-20 14:37:51 · answer #9 · answered by engineergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ask him why he is being so weird about it. You seemed to have jumped to quite a conclusion. If you don't trust him, maybe you should rethink marriage and buying a house. Ask him, it is the only way you'll find out.
2007-01-20 14:37:12 · answer #10 · answered by karina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋