I've been with my b/f for 2yrs now and I love him and I think he loves me. I really want to settle down and get married, and I can't see myself with anyone else. The problem is that he has a mentally ill mother who he lives with, she acts like she is the wife. I hate his mother and sometimes I wish she was dead. Because of her I know that I can never have a real serious relationship with my b/f because of her. I would love to move in with him but I cant because of her. When I tell him about her he says there's nothing that he can do, because its his mother and he loves her. When I go to his house, his mother treats me and him like a child. What do you think I should do?
2007-01-20 14:24:31 · 26 answers · asked by KerryAnn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He lives with his mom and pays all the bill, he has no dad, so he has no other choice but to take care of her
2007-01-20 14:31:50 · update #1
Unfortunately this is NOT going to get any better and marriage will only complicate the issue further because now you'll have this competition thing and 9 times out of 10 a man will be guilted into tending to his mom especially since there is no one else to do it...
You're in for a bumpy road doll...
2007-01-20 14:44:56 · answer #1 · answered by Steve B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, Mental illness runs in the family. It can skip a generation. That means that he has a good chance of having at least 1 mentally ill child. I hope you are ready for that. My friend married into a family like that and has paid 28 years and will pay the rest of her life for that, and that is a long, long, long time! Mother-in-laws are hard enough to deal with, let alone one that doesn't see clearly, if indeed that is the case. Hating her could NOT be good for you, your future husband or kids to live with, and it will not help. If you choose that path, at the rate you are going, (wishing death, when you are not yet married,) or at any rate, you will need to brace yourself, read up and hang on for the ride of your life. Please Pray about the situation and ask yourself if you can except this responsibility.
2007-01-20 15:03:59 · answer #2 · answered by Blank 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question, in that you recognize that your relationship can't get serious because of his mother. He's going to care for his mother, even if she is crazy. In his mother's eye's, that is her son & she's not going to let go. If you love this guy, be patient & wait. Be honest & open with him on how much you love him, but if you make him choose between you & his mom...blood is thicker than water. One day, you're going to have children, and when you're in the position of your child is grown up, it's hard to let go. Then, there's mom's, that will fight tooth & nail..and then the CHILD has to be the one to cut the unbibical cord. Have you considered trying to reply by word or action in a positive way? Now, it might take a while for a break through, but when a person is nasty....and in turn, you reply in the same manner, it just escalates. Think about it for awhile..and just try..even if you have to bite your tongue. Or take her a flower...Like i said, it's going to take some persistance on your part.
When i met my husband's mom, we weren't married yet, but living together & had already had a son when i met my husband..my future mother in law didn't like me..even after we married, she didn't really accept me..i didn't care, she would make little remarks to my husband about how i did things & what not. He told her that the way i run my house is my business, not hers. Oh yeah, my husband is the only child...And she lives in another country. Me & my mother in law tolerate each other when we see each other from time to time.
Sounds like your boyfriend is very responsible, and has a head on his shoulders. Be patient, and talk with him honestly. Let me know how things go..best wishes!!
GO GIRL!!
2007-01-20 18:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by mickey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The horror memories you study are no longer authentic. Transvaginal scans are as probable to reason miscarriages as intercourse is: no longer likely in any respect. no longer even a touch. The style of miscarriages led to by way of a transvaginal ultrasound is exactly 0. you notice, the component is that as quickly as a woman is contained in the earliest stages of a miscarriage, poking around close to the cervix can push out blood this is already modern contained in the uterus. because of the fact of this it now and lower back sounds like intercourse, an inner examination or a transvaginal ultrasound reasons a miscarriage. unquestionably it purely makes a miscarriage that grow to be already underway (and unpreventable) extra obvious. and because a woman dealing with a trauma like a miscarriage (i comprehend from journey, i've got had 2) generally feels the ought to blame some outdoors reason, those horror memories look on the cyber web. playstation you will no longer see plenty interesting on 5 weeks ultrasound. That early that's hit or leave out no rely if or no longer you will see the toddler itself in any respect. and whether you do, that's going to likely be a table certain blob. PPS brush aside the 1st answer, it rather is in basic terms an ignorant scare monger who would not even comprehend adequate concerning to the challenge to renowned the version between ultrasound and x-rays. there is not any exposure to radiation in touch in ultrasound. And at 5 weeks there is not any 'kicking or enjoying' happening in there.
2016-10-07 11:44:26 · answer #4 · answered by elidia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you say that you are in love w/ him if you hate what he loves? Either learn to love her & be a part of his live or get out of the way so he can find a woman that will help him care for his mother.
2007-01-20 15:02:22 · answer #5 · answered by Ellie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to put him in a position to have to choose between you and his mother. He'd more than likely choose her, especially with her mental illness and all. I think that you just need to have a heart to heart with him. If he still doesn't get it, then you may need to move on. He will miss you, maybe even enough to do something about it. If not, then it wasn't meant to be and you can position yourself for the ONE.
2007-01-20 16:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by Keetta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blood is thicker than water as the saying goes. You must never, ever think that you can get in-between mother and son. your B/F must have a big heart to be taking care of his sick mother. God bless his heart! To his mother, u never mention ages, you are just children to her, young adult children and she loves you Try to understand your B/F and help him with this burdon. IF things were reversed and it was your mother would it be any different? Try to be a more loving and tolerant of this situation or you might lose you B/F too
2007-01-20 14:36:49 · answer #7 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should end this relationship. You apparently have no compassion for the mentally ill "I hate his mother and sometimes I wish she was dead" and are selfish and self centered. It isn't always going to be all about you and you need to GROW UP before you enter into any other relationships. Besides your boyfriend deserves someone far better than you. Someone who will understand his feelings for his mother who won't be jealous and childish.
2007-01-20 14:29:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
You will either have to live with it or marry him and get him out and away from her... If you cannot live with it and do not want to try then get out now and move on with your life before you marry him and regret it and want out later.....You should not hate his mother and wifh her dead as she is mentally ill and cannot help it.
2007-01-20 14:35:38 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The reason you can't have a serious relationship with this man is because instead of working on your compassion for the mentally ill you are wasting your time hating her.
What is wrong with you? She's sick. You need to work on your self, little girl.
2007-01-20 14:34:07 · answer #10 · answered by Ande 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋