I was kind of involved with someone and things were getting serious. We were deciding on taking the net step, but then i got pregnant. He is 22, has a 2 year old daughter and has to stay on good terms with the mom to see her....meaning whatever she wants, she must have. Anyway, I'm 19 about to be 20...and we arent together, we communicate...but he says hes not ready to take that big step again in becoming a father. I love him, like crazy...and he 'loves' me...but I dont know what to do. He keeps telling me to be patient and see how things are when the baby is born...what does that mean???
2007-01-20 14:22:26 · 17 answers · asked by nvdischula 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
It means that you need to think long and hard about your situation. Are you ready to be a single mom? His lack of committment now is a sure sign that he will NEVER be there for you 100%. You are not getting a fairy tale here. You need to assume that if you want to keep this baby, you will be raising it without his help....emotionally or financially. Are you ready for that? Do you have the resources available to support a baby? Do you have people around you who will support your decision and lend a hand? Are you ready to put your life on hold in exchange for motherhood? If not, then you need to make a decision about whether to keep this baby or not.
If you decide that you are not ready, please consider adoption rather than abortion. It would give your baby a chance at a happy life.
2007-01-20 14:44:13 · answer #1 · answered by dansaremm 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I became a mom at 17. I am now 28 and expecting number 2. I know what its like to be pregnant, single, scared, alone, and in a daze. If this man has to dance around to see his daughter- either he still likes this other woman or has no clue he could get visitation ordered thorough the courts. sounds likes he not ready for another child in his life. are you keeping this child, have you considered adoption? there are so many questions i would like to ask you. I can say there is a "life" to be had after having children young, I love my son with all my heart and so does my husband(not my sons father), yes its harder to get established because of having a kid so young (apt, job, education), and money is tight. But so many women, and some men, have raised children alone and done well. As time has gone on my sons father seemed to take more of an interest in my son- but it has been limited. Also were you using protection- if not it should not be a surprise that you got pregnant- and he should know that. If he truely loves you then he will stick by you. You will know in your heart what his answer is-even if he doesn't verbally tell you. It might be very hard to accept- but I know you will do the right thing. Stay Stong. Enjoy your Child.
2007-01-20 14:41:05 · answer #2 · answered by Jodi S 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this guy is such a loser. He doesn't have a choice about being a father again. He is. You need to do what is best for your self and your baby. If he wants to be a dad that is great. If he doesn't move on. Get legal advice about getting child support and make sure you get full custody. Don't worry, there is a real man out there who will truely love you and your child. I was twenty when I had my first baby and I wasn't married. I went through a lot of similar stuff. I tell you honestly, everything works out the way God has it planned for you. Good luck.
2007-01-20 14:52:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every baby deserves a good shot at a Mom and Dad. I think your baby's chances of having a good father around are about nil. I know that many women are single and have babies, but it's very hard on everyone.
I would let this guy go. He really does seem to be wanting this to go away as he is trying to ignore it. Find a couple who is comitted to each other, ready to raise a chld, and looking for a baby to love. Have you considered adoption?
Good luck, my heart goes out to you. Next time it might be better to keep your legs closed until you're sure the guy will be there for you when you need him to be. Kids are always the victims of adults mistakes.
2007-01-20 14:48:22 · answer #4 · answered by Margie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey if he won't commit tell him you understand but tell him you hope he'll understand when you get a court to order child support. (just so you know it's a wise idea to get a child support order even if y'all are together and not married. It's not a matter of trust or love it's a matter of doing what's best for you and your child.) PS the thought of being a daddy x's 2 by 22 is probably scary to him especially when he's got two different baby's mamas to deal with. Good Luck.
2007-01-20 15:10:22 · answer #5 · answered by gourmetkid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look Hun, he doesn't love you. If he did he'd be there for you a lot more right now. The other woman cannot tell him anything reguarding THIS child. He made the decision to have sex, now he cannot take that back. He's the father, if he likes it or not, he can't say "oh wait and see... maybe i'll be the father, maybe I wont". You can do it alone. Make sure you get child support from him too!
2007-01-20 14:29:28 · answer #6 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend he sounds like he may not realize that he will have an obligation either way and his babies momma seems like she wants to control him of course he is attached to his 2 year old and i do not doubt that he loves you and if he is good to that baby he will do the right thing and care for you and you're baby !!I really wish you the best you are older than a lot of girls having babies nowdays!! It will all work out .Do you think the mommma and him still have a thing?? just curious not implying they do I just know how that can go being a baby's mama myself to a spermdonors kid!! thank god I found a responsible man now my sons '''real''' DADDY!!!
2007-01-20 14:33:06 · answer #7 · answered by tasha l 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That means he does not "love" you as much as you thought. It doesn't sound like he is willing to take responsibility for his actions. He is trying to forget about it and see if it will just go away. He seems very immature. If he wasn't willing to "take the big step again in becoming a father" then he should have not have had unprotected sex with you. Just be honest with him. Either he wants to be in the child's life or he doesn't. Don't let him string you along.
2007-01-20 14:29:26 · answer #8 · answered by nateandlexi 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That means he might pack up and leave. If he says hes going to the store for a minute to get a pack of smokes and will be right back, dont believe him. Especially if he dont smoke. My dad did that and my mom is still waiting for him to get back from the store.
2007-01-20 21:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by mattspoon_81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you might as well get ready to put him on child support because he sound as though he is not going to be man enough to take care your child especially when he is already a father
2007-01-20 17:39:53 · answer #10 · answered by Future WWE Diva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋