I need advice my wife recently told me she wants a divorce we have 2 kids we get along great we still sleep in the same bed and we still love to hang out toghether she said she is not in love with me and she needs to find herself i still hold her at night in bed we still kiss on the lips iam confused though because she says she wants to be herself also told me last week that when we get thru all this and we decide to stay together we dont have to get remarried we can live together and be happy she is seeing a therapist right now and she said she has a shell around her heart here is one more twist we plan on living together for a while because she has no were to go need advice people very confused right now esp since i fell back in love with her harder then the first time we were married for 3 years in feb help
2007-01-20 14:15:25 · 23 answers · asked by gkoutoftouch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i must add she is always around so i find it hard for her to cheat we work out of home so she does not have much of a social life
2007-01-22 01:29:44 · update #1
I suggest marriage counceling for you both. This is something you need to talk about. And marriage counceling can help you with a way of talking about this where it doesn't end in a fight. It sounds to me like she wants the security of having you there, but wants to go out and be with other people as well.
2007-01-20 14:21:31 · answer #1 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds very confused! And she proberably loves you because you are the father of her children but that's about it.You should sit down with her alone first, before seeking out a counselor, and ask her what is the real deal...let her tell you what is really going on in her mind. She owes you that much. If she does not want to be married anymore, she needs to give you a real reason, not a lame excuse...and finding herself is a lame excuse... how can she find herself ...she is a married woman with children..what is there to find???
Maybe she will be able to tell you why she is feeling this way. But before going to counseling, ask her how does she feel about you emotionally and physically. Make sure she does not beat around the bush..ask her to be honest with you and get everything out in the open!
There's a chance that you might not want to hear what she will tell you, but at least it will be the truth and you will know why she is behaving the way she is with you.
It sounds like she has lost interest and wants her freedom, but only you could find out what she really wants...hopefully it is just a faze, but just be prepared on how the situation can turn out...You say you both plan on living together for a while...well what are you going to do if and when she ups and leaves...don't leave that door open...get her to work out the marriage...if she needs space, give her space in the next room of your home, not someone elses!
hope all turns out for the best!
I wish you the best...
2007-01-28 00:53:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like her therapist is doing little to help her learn to live.
If she wants a divorce so be it , GET OUT. Really, do not let her use and abuse your affection any longer. She is lost for direction and her professional is not giving her any. It is past time for you to start putting some limits on her conditions for remaining together. Why would you possibly continue to accept her living under the same roof as a roommate. Ask yourself what's in this for me. Do it soon because you my friend are getting the shaft from her. She wants to be herself? What part of that includes you? If the answer is not much do yourself a favor and put her out. Yes, I know she has no where to go and that is the biggest travesty. You are still supporting her and she is giving you nothing but heartache.
Dude, I'm sad to say, its time for you to start making some demands on her . If for no other reason than to get her off dead center. Its time for wifely duties or time to get out. It is a stretch to ask you to contiunue this way and fully unfair.
I also know its hard but I do think its time for you to take charge and give her some direction even if the result is out the door.
And further, I do not know how many visits she has had with this therapist but if its more than three and they have not come up with a plan for the next three months then he is taking her money and not performing her any service. These guys are there to help steer her in the right direction and deal with her issues. He/She should be lending some plan for dealing with this. It does not take long to do this.
2007-01-20 22:45:55 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good thing she is in therapy. That will help her find out how to stop this pattern. What she needs to do is find herself with you and the kids not out there by herself. She will never be by herself. you sound like your a good dad so you will still be around. I'll tell you what my husband did when I pulled something like that. We separated for a year but i still saw him everyday. We had 2 kids at the time and we had no choice but to be around each other. During our separation I got sick and when while I was in the hospital he moved my stuff over to his place.I have never left his side since.
I say all that to tell you don't give up. You guys are married not dating you can't just break up and get back together you have kids now. So stand by her as she is in therapy but let her know that you are confused with the way she is treating you. There was love there before so what has clouded her love find out ask her. Go to therapy with her.Don't give up. Another thing my husband did was pray everyday for me while we were separated my kids still remember those prayers and they thank god for answering them.
2007-01-20 22:41:56 · answer #4 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if she is using your love for her against you to get what she wants. Right now she wants to be footloose and fancy free but obviously doesn't have the means to support herself. It sounds like you are in a helluva dilemma. If it were me, I would see no reason to continue pretending and teasing and giving people false hope if it were truly over for me. It is cruel to string others along this way. It could be her sick way to make you toe the line or somehow prove your love for her. She gives you just enough to instill and nurture hope, but wants a divorce? You should tell her if it is over, it is over, and she needs to find somewhere else to live so you can get your life back together without her if that is what she wants. No more cuddling, although you can still be civil.
Sorry for your troubles, I hope it gets better for you soon.
Edited to add it just occurred to me she could be suffering from depression. It would behoove you to look into this possibility. If it is depression it can be helped with medication and therapy.
Good luck.
2007-01-20 22:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her it is either all or nothing. If she wants a divorce, she'll have to forget you for good, because you are going to move on with your life without her. No living together. Either she stays with you for good or not at all. I am sure she'll come to her senses. By the way, she might feel that she has got in a rut, that life is monotonous. Why not plan a romantic evening, just the two of you, no kids.
Good Luck.
2007-01-27 16:47:21 · answer #6 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When are you gonna stop being her security blanket? This is weird, a man that doesn't mind being a door mat. You made sure the readers knew you fell deeper in love with her hoping that it would go easy for you with some light hearted advice. You are being played BIG TIME. She has some place to go. If she truly don't' then she should find someplace to go. She is making you fall for her and the only thing that she given you is really this... WHEN I GET DONE, DOING WHAT I'M DOING THEN I'M READY TO BE WITH YOU. Why are you wiling to cuddle with this woman and play house with her if she don't want to be with you? Do what you want to do, but I feel she is running a game on you.
2007-01-20 23:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what it is about marriage that she doesn't find satisfying. See if you can try to fix it (you've got the time since she's still living under your roof/sleeping in your bed). Be the best husband possible. If she still wants out, you know you've done your best. Just don't let her take you to the cleaners or rake your heart over the coals. Make her come to terms w/ her decision & either fix it or forget it.
Good luck!
2007-01-20 22:31:02 · answer #8 · answered by Ellie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage conselling is the way to go in this weird situation. She may have some unfulfilled aims and dreams that she wants to do. Counselling will help both of you solve bothe poblemns with your own selves and problems that you are having as a couple. Just work it out.
2007-01-22 22:13:58 · answer #9 · answered by A A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what her reason is for saying this but did you hear what she said she said she's not in love with you but she didn't she that she didn't love and care about you. If two people are married and have children together of course they are going to love each other and with that cames affection. I really hope that things become more clear and that you and your wife patch things up.
2007-01-20 22:32:47 · answer #10 · answered by 2g4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋