i have been in "sue's" life since she was a baby so i'm not new to her.but over the last few yrs her behavior has gotten worse.the main problem is she is an only child and both her parents make her think the world was put here just for her and give into her every wish.when i ask sue to do something she answers me rudely.she hates it when my bf does anything with me and will tell he him should be playing with her not doing something with me.she thinks when she comes over she should have her dads undivided attention.my bf is very passive with her to say the least and lets her get away with murder.sue lives with us 50% of the time so all this makes it very hard on me.how can i learn to deal with this since she is not my child and both her parents think she is "their perfect little angel"?
2007-01-20 14:09:37 · 25 answers · asked by nickey7greener 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Honey, It will not get better, only worse. If he does not take a better stand WITH you on this situation, you are doomed.
I know divorced parents who share custody feel compromised, but that business should only go so far. Speak to him about your feelings, and if he blows you off, start leaving and going somewhere else on those weekends, and stop helping out with her. When she is rude to you, find something else to do. Let it be his thing, and when you are not around, see how long it takes him to miss you and all you do. When he see's you are serious, he may take a different stand.
2007-01-20 14:18:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sad situation. Honestly she is 7 she is being told by her mother all the things she is spitting at you so she is being validated I'm sure and therefor prolly wont stop any time soon. Stand your ground with her, let her know, calmly, and decisively that you wont tolerate that behavior in your home. She can do and act how she wants at her mothers but you have rules in your home and she will respect them. But let this be over ice cream or something. Take her out just the two of you to do something fun or something and have a talk then she wont feel so much like you're being the mean gf. Let her know how it makes you feel when she acts out she will be able to identify with feelings more than anything else and may feel bad especially since you just did something really nice for her. Always remember you're not her mom never will be and thats okay you can have your own relationship with her and it can be just as well. Just assure her you don't want to take her daddy away, you love her, and you're not trying to be her mommy. She will learn soon enough no matter what anyone says you are not the enemy. Hang in there sweety it will get better......
2007-01-20 22:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by rocknchickx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She clearly understands you are NOT her mother. Her REAL mother has poisoned her mind against you. It's that simple. Her mother resents the fact that you could be an influence on her daughter. She is doing everything she can to make sure that never happens. In the process she is hurting the little girl and your relationship with her father. It's also apparent that her mother doesn't want anyone else sharing her former husband. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The little girls father needs to get some BALLS and talk to the ex-wife. Nothing will change but only deteriorate until all of you are on the same page. Good luck!
2007-01-20 22:19:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to deal with the parent on this not the child.
Be very clear with your boyfriend and make sure he understands your position. Tell him he needs to put a stop to the behavior and support you on the issue.
If you have a decent relationship with the girls mother, you might want to sit down and talk to her. While you are not the child's parent, you have been in her life as a parental figure for too many years to be treated that way. Appeal to the mother's interest in raising her child right rather than the child's lack of respect for you.
Lastly, if you find your boyfriend is not willing to help the situation, that may be a clue that it's time for you to get out.
FWIW, my ex-wife has a son from her first marriage who is Bi-Polar and ADD or ADHD (is there a difference). We got together before the boy was a year old so I was the father figure for many years. But when it came to dealing with his behavior and/or treatment, my ex and her mother both had a way of reminding me I wasn't the boy's father. Ultimately it wound up being one of the issues that broke up our marriage.
2007-01-20 22:18:49 · answer #4 · answered by Justin H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without know the history of your boyfriend and the child's mother, I have to think that this child's behavior is a result of her living in an unstable home situation (shuttled back and forth is not the best for any child under any circumstances) and desperately needing the attention of both parents. Unfortunately, both parents are also acting irresponsibly by not setting up boundaries for her, which, as she gets older, are so important. (If you think it's bad now, wait for puberty!)
What you can do is re-establish a unique relationship with this child. You need to, and can, have something unique between the two of you, one based on respect and, if not love, friendship and affection. The first thing you need to do is fine a common ground that you both can share and build up from there. (Does she like to cook, or bake, garden, artwork, something....) You also must have an open line of communication with her. Sit her down, get on her eye-level, smile and tell her you how much you like having her around. Also tell her it hurts your feelings when she is rude or disrepectful. Do NOT start threatening, pointing a finger or getting in her face. Slowly, with patience and a little tenderness, you might find someone in your heart that you didn't expect.... god works in very mysterious ways through children.
good luck!
2007-01-20 22:21:40 · answer #5 · answered by Sciencemom 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well apparently your bf is allowing his child to treat you disrespectful. If you have been with the child 50% of the time since she's been a baby, and you have not bonded with her, you are also part of the problem. It doesn't take much to bond with an innocent baby, it almost is a natural. I am wondering if you are having a serious jealous problem yourself? In security issues with the bf? Does he act like he still has feelings for the ex? He apparently does not make you feel special enough, or this would not be happening in the first place. I feel th real problem lies between you and your bf. Both parents can think what ever they want about their child, but your bf needs to make sure your thinking mainly about staying together in a healthy relationship. This little girl can feel the tension, and plays on it..
2007-01-20 22:33:20 · answer #6 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You're in for challenge....
Have you ever told your bf about how she's driving you nuts?
If you haven't, be careful what you tell him. You might give off the message,that you don't want his daughter in your life, and start an argument that could end your relationship.
I you have, then tell him the truth of the matter. Tell him that his daughter is in an attitude which is not healthy for either one of them. Tell him that if she's already like this now, just think of what she'll do when she's 16 or something. Tell him that her daughter's not gonna realize her need for an attitude adjustment until she gets hit by boulder for it. He needs to start conditionig he's daughter that "if she wants something, she has to earn it fairly".
If you haven't told him yet. Never underestimate the power of suggestion. Whenever a situation comes, when daughter is showing her spoilt attitude, suggest to him a responsible course of action. Explain to him why you think it's the right course of aciton.
2007-01-20 22:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not her mother, so she really doesn't have to listen to you. You are not the one setting the rules, her dad is. However, she should be respectful of you. The only way this is ever going to change is if your bf finally deals with the issue and sets things straight with her rather than let her get away with this terrible behaviour.
HE is the one that has to set the boundaries and ENFORCE them and that includes how she interacts with you. But, if he does not see this, and keeps brushing it under the rug it will likely never change.
2007-01-20 22:17:08 · answer #8 · answered by colinsmumplus1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
And she is their perfect little angel. She is the center of her parents life and you either take it or leave it. This child is the only responsibility in their lives and it is very hard for little kids to understand why their parents aren't together. You might want to go counseling by yourself on how to deal with this.
I think you are just jealous, because she is daddy's little angel. You will always be number two.
2007-01-20 22:16:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As a former step parent - not once, but twice - my first response is to tell you to RUN Run as fast as you can!! Don't look back!
Without the support of the parents, you will never have any authority over that child,but she will most certainly rule your relationship.
2007-01-20 22:14:17 · answer #10 · answered by S. W 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋