(He wants me to have a job by Monday....and is agigtated by my less than satisfactory grades in the college courses I am enrolled in)
He doesn't seem to understand that it is very difficult being pregnant!
........Not only are my physical capabilities limited during this time, but I have found that my mental capabitlities aren't necessarily up to par either.
How can I make him understand and empathize with me during this time??
2007-01-20 13:30:30 · 18 answers · asked by sex bot 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Wow! I want to say that you should never have married such an idiot but I realize that it would not be helpful to your situation! I am SO sorry that he is treating you this way!
As far as what you can say or do, I am afraid that it goes much deeper than that. Any adult with an average intelligence knows that the things that you are saying are absolute facts. How can he be a functioning adult and not know that just being pregnant is a full time job?! If it were easy the good Lord would have let men do it!
Just the fact that you are able to attend college classes while you are pregnant is impressive to me. I was in college full time three of the times that I got pregnant and I finished the semester that I was in and then stopped. It is just too much to juggle when you are pregnant.
As far as him giving you an ultimatum on when you are supposed to have a job that is just ludicrous. Most employers will not hire a pregnant woman. They take one look at you and know that you are not going to be putting your job first for very long. Nor should you! Does this man want you to deliver a healthy happy baby or does he want to work you to death and take the chance of your having a premature, under weight baby?
Does he know how important it is for you to stay home and nurse your baby for at least 3 or 4 months? Does he realize that if you breastfeed your baby you protect him or her from diseases that it has taken you a lifetime to create immunities to? Does he have ANY idea how expensive formula is?
Why in the world does he want to put any additional stress on you anyway?? Being pregnant is enough stress if you did not have anything else to worry about! It sounds to me like being married to him is stressful enough. You are evidently going to have two babies on your hands. Instead of taking some of the burden off of you he wants to pour more on!
My husband was by no means perfect but I will say that he understood the importance of my getting lots of rest when I was pregnant and that being a mother was (and is) a full time job.
I don't know what to tell you dear. He needs someone to talk to him. Could you explain to your doctor what he is doing and then have her talk to him? I doubt that either one of his parents would be any help (they raised him!) but surely there must be someone that he respects that could set him straight. Would it do any good to have him read a good book on pregnancy?
As I said in the beginning, it is inconceivable that a grown man who is old enough to be a father would not KNOW these things. Someone or something has given him a very skewed idea of what a husband's role is in his wife's pregnancy. I am not sure that there is anything that is going to get thru to him at this point in time. It may just be too late. You might just have to put your foot down and tell him that you are not going to endanger your baby to try to placate him! He is a big boy but your tiny baby needs YOU and you cannot let this man boss you around to the extent that it is jeopardizing the health and safety of your pregnancy and that is where he is heading with his demands!
If he loves you it should not be hard to make him see these things. I am at a loss because his attitude does not sound very loving to me.
What I hear is that he is not meeting your needs and unfortunately he is the only one who can right now.
That is why I said you are going to just have to stand up for yourself. I don't think that he is going to change. If he can look at you, six months pregnant and still be this totally unreasonable person then I do not see much chance of him improving.
He needs to remember that you will not always be pregnant and you will not always be in this vulnerable position. You need him now but that will change with time and you may not forget how he made you feel and what demands he made on you when you needed a little understanding!
I do not feel real optimistic about this situation other than for you to just stand up to him and tell him how it is going to be.
Mothers can be very strong when they have to be, I am afraid that you are going to have to find that out!
Hang in there and feel free to write to me if I can be of any help to you!
Love and Blessings
Lady Trinity~ p.s. I had to add that there is NO reason to be exhausted when your baby is a newborn. I had 5 and I know. If you are breastfeeding all you have to do is tuck your baby in bed with you at night. You will get all the sleep you need and so will the baby. If you do not believe me contact the La Leche League for some information. They have a website also. Breastfeeding mothers do not have to deal with sleep deprivation!)
2007-01-20 14:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For one you'll be able to remind him that you're developing a entire different individual within your frame and ask him what style of power he thinks some thing like that could take. Secondly, drag him in your subsequent appt. and feature your ob provide an explanation for to him what being pregnant does to a womans brain....specially at this 6 month mark and you are simply gonna get extra clumsy extra forgetfull extra worn out simply plenty extra of the identical. That isn't even citing the brand new signs you're going to begin to get the brand new third trimester aches and pains. Emotionally it is strainfull as good it is the whole lot you would ever desire to prevent to your existence and he wouldnt desire to paintings with a 20 lb tumor at the entrance of him!! Just a couple of strategies....
2016-09-08 03:49:12 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He actually sounds controlling and if that's the case nothing will change him.
If you know men he respect who have gone through a pregnancy with their wife, then maybe they can talk to him. Also maybe your OB/GYN can.
I feel that if he respected you he'd listen to you and understand that Pregnancy brings about many changes and it's common to have less energy. Your mental capabilities can be altered either way, some women get more alter and do better in school, other who always did well in school end up struggling just to get passing grades. Many bio-chemical changes are going on throughout your body, brain included, if he can't understand that you are in for a hard marriage and when that baby comes, I feel sorry for you, he's unlikely to understand post partum blues and God forbid you end up with Post Partum Depression, he'll be no help.
Good luck, I hope he understands soon. If not, I feel for you.
2007-01-20 13:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by Mountain Bear 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately for you not all woman become less productive during pregnancy and he maybe knows that. When I was pregnant I worked up until 2 days before I had my daughter. I worked anywhere between 40 and 60 hours a week. I do realize that not all woman can be like that. But it could also be that he is in fact an insensitive jerk.
2007-01-20 13:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all he needs a good kick in the pants. Second of all good luck getting a job at 6 months preg, no one is going to want to hire you knowing that in 3 months you have to take of for 6 weeks. And unless your family will babysit no day care will take a baby until they are 6 weeks old not to mention your Dr probably wont release you for the full 6 weeks.If he is that worried tell him to get another job. If he should not like that response ask him if he likes the words child support.
2007-01-20 13:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I 100% hear you. My husband is getting a little better (I'm 7 months), but I don't know if he's really beginning to accept it or if he's just giving up on the nagging. One thing that I've found has helped is pure luck - as he talks to new daddies he hears lots of stories, many of situations where they have less energy than me! I wanted to get him reading more about pregnancy, so he could hear what all the experts have to say, so I hid all his magazines in the bathroom and left nothing but pregnancy reading ("What to Expect", "Your Pregnancy Week by Week", etc.) in their place. It only works if your hubby is a reader, but he's started coming out with little tidbits from the books!
Please feel free to contact me through yahoo, sounds like we may be going through similar situations...
2007-01-20 13:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by mthompson828 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's selfish and demanding. Wants you to have a job by Monday? That sounds like some type of threat. I'd leave him for a while, go stay with your parents or something. He should appreciate you! Specially right now being pregnant with his child!
2007-01-20 14:53:40 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, no company will hire you being 6 months along and second your husband seems to have a severe case of the wants. What he wants and what he gets is 2 different things so just don't worry about his wants and concentrate on your pregnancy.
2007-01-20 13:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by n0s 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You might want to rethink your marriage. If he's complaining about your behavior now, what will it be like when the baby arrives? Will he rant and rave about how you were taking care of the baby instead of cleaning the entire house? Or how you attend to the infant instead of making him a sandwich? I suggest you have your OB/GYN talk to him and reprimand him. If you were to get a job, you wouldn't be working for very long anyways, and it's hard enough to balance school and pregnancy, nevermind a job and a complaining husband!
2007-01-20 13:37:48 · answer #9 · answered by keonli 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
i am sorry you are having a tough time but it is hard for me to sympathize. i worked up till the day the baby was born and took courses as well.
i am sure he feels the pressure of now having to raise a family and wants to be sure that you are financially prepared. babies cost a ton of money.
if you think you are tired and fatigued now wait a couple more months. the last few weeks are brutal. not to mention how fatigued you are after the baby is born. i never thought i would be caught back up on sleep.
why don't you explain that you are tired and then ask him to help you get a job.
why does he want you to get a job now, 6 months into your pregnancy? you'll have to take off to have the baby soon. it makes me think that you really need the job, so find that inner strength and get to work. :)
take care! SD
2007-01-20 13:52:02 · answer #10 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋