My 14yo daughter wants to go to a party where she was unsure about parents being home, and said there may be drugs and alcohol but she woudnt be doing it. These are kids I dont know, nor do I know thier parents. She was really really angry when I told her absolutely not. Its been a couple of days and she is still really really angry and upset with me for not letting her go. I tried to explain to her as best I could that it was not that we dont trust her but we dont know or trust her friends. Besides that, it is unwise to put oneself in that kind of situation, even possibly, to be tempted to try that stuff. She swears she would never give in to peer pressure. I would hope she wouldnt but dont want to see her be pressured in the first place. What can I do to help her to a)understand and b)stop hating me?
2007-01-20 12:28:47 · 18 answers · asked by kata 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
No parents.....No party! Question of drugs or alcohol...No party!
Stick to your decision....she's too young to be put in that position...Plus....she told you about it....sometimes kids want their parents to say No so they can say they can't go because their parents said so....saves face for them...probably didn't want to go either....now has a act like a 14 yr old and be angry....good luck!
2007-01-20 12:38:44 · answer #1 · answered by bjg2007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely did the right thing. I always make sure there are parents home and that there is no alcohol available to the teenagers and that there will be adequate supervision.
If there were drugs and underage drinking and the police came, your daughter could have been in real trouble.
Really bad things can indeed happen, besides trouble with the police. I remember a couple of years ago in the town next to ours, there was a big party with lots of teen drinking, two kids got in a drunken fight and one of them died. It is very scary.
In the end, your job is to keep her safe. At 14 she isn't in a position to make some of these decisions. You can't always make her understand or be "happy" about it, or not "hate" you. You know in your heart that some day -- when she's much older -- she'll understand. In the meantime, you're doing the right thing.
2007-01-20 14:14:45 · answer #2 · answered by Shars 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the parent. You obviously know in your "gut" that she should not go, or else you wouldn't be writing for advice.
The answer is "no" to a 14 year old going to a party when the parents are not home...let alone with possible drugs and alcohol.
a) Letting her know why she cannot go is very important. The fact that "everyone else is going" is not acceptable. Her attitude is also not acceptable. There needs to be a penalty for her if the attitude continues (e.g. no computer, phone, etc.). She needs to know that what you decide is final. You will not budge just because she gets upset...or this will be only the beginning of trouble.
b) If you have a strong relationship, she will never stop loving you...so a little "hate" is just normal.
Be strong...your daughter needs you to be her parent. The words "tough love" really come in to play here...
Good luck,
I've got two teenagers myself and sometimes I think it will never end...
2007-01-20 13:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by mhcgjl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have done the right thing, your job as a parent is to protect your kids and you have done it, you only get one chance to protect them, you dont need to make appoligies to her.
absolutly dont let her go, it only takes one moment for her safety to be in danger, while she may not give on to peer pressure, drink spiking is dangerously common and can be fatal.
Tell her that your priority is her safety and well being, you would never forgive yourself if anything happened to her, she doesnt need to be going to parties like that anyway.
She is 14, chances are she may never understand or forgive you anytime soon, but eventually she will and she would be proud of you for keeping her safe.
Let her be mad, she will get over it, god bless you for not giving in to teenage pressures, far too many parents try to be their childrens friends, dont let your daughter become another statictic.
2007-01-20 12:57:16 · answer #4 · answered by Krystle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be there is a reason why she wants to go so bad? I would let her go out with her friends that night. Take them to dinner and a movie. She can still have fun safe fun. Let her know you love her but she don't need to be around that kind of stuff. It could cause trouble. Your the parent kids will be kids and get mad but they will get over it.
Wish you best of luck~
2007-01-20 13:05:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a teenager, I think mother-hating is normal for your daughter. Yes, it is unwise to put oneself in such a possible compromising scenario. What could your daughter want to do at such a party? I don't think she is being completely honest with you.
Stand your ground. Do not expect her to be forgiving, Mom. And call the parents of the child or children giving the party. Chances are they are not in the know.
You are not here to be your daughter's friend....remember that. Your job is to be her mother. You are doing a fine job.
2007-01-20 12:37:29 · answer #6 · answered by rrrevils 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't make her stop hating you.
She's 14, that's her job. Eventually she'll get over it and move on.
You just have to let her go through her feelings.
Also, you should be grateful that she told you about it. That she asked you if she could go.
I would wait a little while, maybe until after the party, and then try talking to her again.
She'll thank you later.
2007-01-20 12:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by hiskonstantine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were right to not let her go. I don't think that there is really anything that you can do to make her see your side of it at the moment. Someday she will look back and see what a great mom you were and thank you for it. Just give it some time to blow over and remember that it is more important to be her mom than her friend. Good luck!!
2007-01-20 12:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by mom-knows-best 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for being doing your job and saying NO! You could always tell her 'what if'; what if something happens, the police arrive and everyone ends up in jail.....
My son, and daughter-in-law, will not allow their 3 girls to go to their friends' home (or a birthday party) until they both meet the parents. My son works in law enforcement and he just wants to make sure nothing will happen to them. I only wish more parents would do this for their children.
So, just let the issue drop and sooner or later she'll be talking to you again.
2007-01-20 14:49:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not let her go. Though it may seem unfair, a similar situation happened to a girl on my sports team. She went out partying promising her mom she would not drink, when she was 2 hours past her curfew, and would not answer her cell phone. Her mother called the police, and they arrested her for drinking under age. She attempted to escape from the car (still obviously drunk) and was kicked off the team.
2007-01-20 12:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by Pweekiwi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋