What do you think of this poem?

Question

DESECRATION OF THE MIND
Thinking of nothing,
or at least trying.
Thoughts always intrude on thoughtlessness,
making peace of mind impossible.
The mind never stops, never ends, never ceases to think.
It can sometimes forgive,
but can never forget.
Wishing for one thoughtless night,
one night of pure sleep,
free of dreams, free of nightmares, free of thinking,
trying to let go of everything, but failing at each attempt.
Concentrating on not concentrating on anything,
yet always concentrating on something.
Trying to clear your mind,
but having to think the thought of trying.
Falling victim to your mind’s own tricks,
to your minds own deception.
I think therefore I am
When I cease to think will I be no more?
Always thinking, always scrutinizing, always judging;
that is a part of existence.
But what I would do for one night of non-existence,
one night of not falling victim to my own hypocritical thoughts,
one peaceful night.

Oh, what I would do to be cradled in my lies,
to be blanketed in blissful ignorance,
not knowing any of the answers,
not thinking any of the questions.
Or, would it be better to be knowledgeable?
To have the answers written in front of me,
or better yet, embedded in my mind,
giving me yet more unwanted thoughts to think.
Making me criticize the wrongs of the people I know,
as well as my own mistakes and foolish mishaps,
that I try to vindicate,
that I try to atone for.
Unable to avoid being a hypocrite,
nor falling victim to the hypocritical thoughts I am forced to think,
day after thought-filled day, night after sleepless night.
Knowing that I think therefore I am
I contemplate if I want to think
if I want to be,
in this world filled with hypocrites,
filled with people like me.


What should I change to make it better, grammar or content. Thanks!

Answer 1

Blank verse is all about the meter and imagery. This has neither.

TS Eliot wrote to a jazz beat -- yours is all over the place.

Answer 2

That was absolutely brilliant

Answer 3

it is good enough..