This is a really long story that I am going 2 try and sum up quickly. My daughter is 15 and has friend from church who wants her to come over for a visit.
The problem is, her friend's brother likes my daughter. That's only a quarter of the problem though. The brother and my daughter usually don't get along. Many times my daughter has come home, frustrated from something he has done and said and she takes it out on the family. It bounces back and forth from "Oh I hate him" to "Oh we are great friends."
Another part, I don't think it looks good for her to be going to his house if they are in the stage of 'liking' each other.
AND there have been recent discovers that something not very nice has happened in the past associated with the children.
I do like the mother VERY VERY much. She is a very kind hearted, sweet woman. I just don't think that my daughter should be spending the night out there.
With the little info I can provide in this small space, what is ur opinion?
2007-01-20 11:16:33 · 16 answers · asked by †♥mslamom♥† 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I read your question and I wonder why it is so important to you that you clarify how much you like the mother of these two teens who are currently an active part of your daughter's life. Is liking her 'so much' preventing you from having a heart-to-heart?
Heads up! You and she are THE ADULTS. You've got the responsibility of setting limits and establishing responsibilities with your OWN children. Teenagers will want to have free access to each other and no parental interference -- ah, the optimism of youth!
If you don't like how your daughter reacts to being around this young man, I would start by having your daughter acknowledge her own behavior before and after being around him. Set some ground rules, be consistent, and don't allow her to make you out to be the 'bad guy.' The ground rules are options for her to choose or not to choose -- and the consequences are up front and not negotiable.
What kinds of consequences? Well, if she can't change his behavior or her own towards him, guess what -- you'll be happy to give her time to think about it. Having friends doesn't mean giving everyone else in the household a headache...so if she has a time when her decision to visit his home (WHATEVER THE REASON) results in giving you and her other family members crap, she loses the opportunity to visit that home for a set period of time.
Does this mean she can't talk about her feelings about him? No. It means that taking her anger out on others who are members of her own family is not acceptable. If she wants to talk about her feelings, she needs to ASK. She doesn't simply get to unload on everyone!
Get the other mother involved. Tell her what groundrules you are establishing with your daughter. Ask her to keep you informed. This may be JUST the thing to wake her up to some behaviors in her son that aren't what she expected them to be...and at the very least, you'll have a connection in the house who (if she's a responsible parent) will be willing to working with you because they are HER kids, too.
I don't know what the 'not very nice' happened with the other children alludes to, but if you have other reasons for not wanting your child to be in that home, you need to either be up front about it or restrict visitation altogether. Going half-way is neither productive nor acceptable.
2007-01-20 11:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by CarinaPapa 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ohh yeah, I know what you're trying to say. I'm sorta around your daughter's age-I'm 14. My view on the topic is this:
If you feel really unsure about your daughter spending the night over there then you need to find out why. Is it because you feel you can't trust your daughter or that you can't trust the boy? If you can trust your daughter, sit down and have a talk with her about the boy and explain how you feel to her. If you can't/aren't sure if you can trust your daughter then you might want to talk to the brother's mom and see what she thinks about the issue. Ask her to sort of keep an eye on things and make sure nothing happens. Or, just tell her that you don't want her to spend the night right now and maybe later.
It's completely normal for 15 year olds to be liking guys and no you can't shelter her from guys for the rest of her life (not saying that you are sheltering her) but you can stop things from going down a path that she shouldn't be at in her teen years.
All the best!
2007-01-20 11:28:55 · answer #2 · answered by sweetdollツ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This all boils down to do you trust your daughter or not?
I realize that you are a very caring and concerned mother, and I think that's really wonderful. But at some points in time you have to cut the cord and let your children out and the world, and you just have to have faith in your ability to raise them and that they understand what's right and wrong.
As for the rapid mood switching concerning the guy, thats just because she is a 15 year old girl. If she's not doing that about the guy, she would be doing it about something else. Welcome to adolescence!
I may not sound very qualified, because I am honestly not a parent nor even really an adult by some standards, but I do know this: I am very very protective of my friends (especially the girls) and I too have a hard time letting them go and going stuff like this. But in the end I shut my mouth because I know they are good people and won't do the wrong thing.
So like I said, it boils down to whether or not you trust your daughter.
2007-01-20 11:23:41 · answer #3 · answered by Chip 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At the age of 15 that is a very complicated age for parents or single parents.In my opinion you should not let her spend the night. Question is do you trust your daughter? The problem with parents now days is that they don't take the time and talk to there children and see what's going on their heads. 15 is the age where they are very curious and very vulnerable anybody can take advantage of them is they let them. Do you really know these people whose house she's staying over? Trust me take time out and ask yourself these questions and you will come up with the answer you can live with, or you invite the young lady to spend the night with her.
2007-01-20 11:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by doodie315 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be a little concerned too. Maybe see if your daughters friend can come to your house more. Only allow your daughter to go there to visit when the mother is there and no over nights for now.
2007-01-20 11:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by chemky1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they are supervised properly it should be OK for her to spend time with her friend at her friends house, but I wouldn't let her spend the night there. There is absolutely no reason for it. If they want to have a sleep over they should have it at your house. Sometimes when they ask you why you feel the way you do, just tell them you listen to your mother's instinct. It's a proven fact that a mother's instinct should never be dismissed.
2007-01-20 11:47:53 · answer #6 · answered by truthseeker221 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your daughter is always supervised and not in any sort of danger I see no problem with it. The part of "something not very nice happened" worries me, though. If you have any indication of your daughter could possibly be at risk, don't let her spend nights there; protecting her is priority # one. Her friend could always come to your house.
2007-01-20 11:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by jeffpsd 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh i know u remember the teenage years back in the 70s oo yeah but that was simpler time now adays u have to give kids time and a little encouragement to teach them what is right spend some time talking to your daughter and tell her how she would feel not going to this guys house talk to her softly
2007-01-20 11:22:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree with the girl above. i think maybe you and your daughter could think of some alternative ways of spending time with her friend. inviting her over to YOUR house for a sleepover or just hanging out after school over YOUR house...i hope that this helps!!
2007-01-20 11:25:33 · answer #9 · answered by meme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u think she mite do something bad. Not let her go but if u can trust let her go. But also if they like each other maybe you should talk her in to going out with him.
2007-01-20 12:02:32 · answer #10 · answered by Heather M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋