him
when he told her that he loved her
she lit up inside
when he tolde her she was pretty
she wanted to cry
when he said yes to the letter she wrote
she kissed him
when he told her she was speical
she was on cloud nine
when he cheated
she had know clue
when he said he was sorry
she forgave him
when he hit her
she cried for the bad
when he told her that she was not what u wanted
she wanted to die
when he told her she ment nothing
she wanted to kill him
but insted she said this:
remember that i did not kill me rememeber that u killed me
he turned and told her:
i guess i will have to live with that, and i think i can
a few day later he was walking past her house and saw a ambaluance
and he broke down and cried
2007-01-20 11:11:06 · 23 answers · asked by ManDUH_BBY 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
i am only 13 and i can't spell that good so please don't critcize(i don't think i splet that right) on my spelling
2007-01-20 11:21:33 · update #1
sorry for the misspelled word and left out punctuation but i think that u can still get the point and any i just wanted to know if u liked not what i did wrong and if there was any changes that need to be done as if like stuff that needed to be added not misspelled words
2007-01-20 11:27:25 · update #2
oh and one more thing does any one know where i can post this online for like a contest or some thing for teens
2007-01-20 11:28:44 · update #3
to (flooff) i don't mind but i would like to remain annomynos
2007-01-20 12:00:27 · update #4
oh and flooff u might want to take my revised on it is on another question but u should be able to find it
2007-01-20 12:08:28 · update #5
this poem does not reflect my outlook on life it was this it just something that i write when i get bored it has nothing to do with me
2007-01-24 14:26:00 · update #6
I like it, but maybe you can add some more complicated words. It seems to simple. Make it sound like olde englishe.
2007-01-20 11:14:33 · answer #1 · answered by Weedman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep working with it. It is not all that it could be, yet. You have the beginnings of a decent poem. The type of writing you are doing is called "situational poetry" where you take some real life or common, but fictional, situation and turn it into a poem. You'll find a good link in my source to help you find what it is your poem needs. Basically it's a hat looking for a feather. The hardest part about writing a good poem is all the reading of good poems it involves. Challenge your mind and go deeper.
2007-01-26 17:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by RB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty good. Is it a first try or do you always write? I've been writing poems since I was 7 now I'm 13. I'm a member of www.writerscafe.com which is a site where you can post your work and have it reviewed and commented on. E-mail me at softballcutiekc12@yahoo.com if you wany any help with the spelling or punctuation or grammer of your future poems. Or just help with your poems. Nice job.
2007-01-20 11:43:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It started off romantic and ended tragic...I think that is amazing for your age. If I were you, I would submit it in some contests & don't remain anonymous, be proud of your accomplishments. If you google "poetry contests" you will find a lot of them, but you may want to ask your literature teacher if he/she knows a reputable website or newspaper because there are many scams out there & I would hate to see that happen to someone as talented as you. GOOD LUCK. But take some of the advise given about spelling and grammer...have one of your teachers proofread it before sending & you'll do great.
2007-01-27 16:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Maria C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poem is great and very emotional. I hope that is all it is. Relationships can be tricky but there are many to go through so keep searching for the right one instead of giving up on life.
2007-01-24 12:13:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I LOVE IT !!! i kno wat you meen by not writing it about you...i do that ALL the time and then i HATE when other ppl read it because there like "o gosh...had no idea you felt like this" and stuff-uhg. But anyways i love it alot and i want it!!! can you email me kykygoo@yahoo.com and tell me if youd let me put it in my notebook w/your name under it jus to read it all the time?Lol
yea i understand if you dont want me to --- thaz why im askin. I love it alot tho, dont need to change nothing! I love it love it love it!!!!
Keep writing more and more you have a talent and definently shouldnt waste it since your 13 you can hav enough time in your life to get famous!!!!
good luck!
2007-01-27 04:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by kykygoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when he cheated
she had know clue
*correction*
"she had NO clue"
when he hit her
she cried for the bad
*makes no sense* (for the bad what?)
when he told her that she was not what u wanted
she wanted to die
*not what you wanted? or what HE wanted?!*
when he told her she ment nothing (**MEANT)
she wanted to kill him
but insted she said this: (**INSTEAD)
remember that i did not kill me rememeber that u killed me
(REMEMBER)
a few day later he was walking past her house and saw a ambaluance (**AMBULANCE)
2007-01-20 11:22:13 · answer #7 · answered by Minky 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A sad but good poem.Poetry comes from the heart.
2007-01-20 11:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was an awsome poem. Although it was sad. Keep up the good work.
2007-01-28 06:32:37 · answer #9 · answered by matthew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I luv it! u have a natural gift! but u should use commas in the places, if u need any help with other future poems just email me (hallo_tyler@yahoo) and i could probably help u!
2007-01-20 11:15:45 · answer #10 · answered by Nathalie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋