Every time my husband and I fight he leaves.?

Question

It really doesnt matter what the fight is about, he will say some choice words and then go to his brother's house or mother's house.
He might come back the next day or he may stay for a week.
We have been married 6 years and have a 4 year old daughter.
He grew up in the area and has all his family. I'm from FL.
There is also a 6 year difference between us(I'm 34 he is 28).
I'm not saying that I'm inacent in all of this, but he always says I"m B**ching about everything.
The thing is I work full time too, plus do all the bills, house cleaning, take our daughter to school, pick her up, dinner, laundry, get her to bed, feed the animals, and such.
Everyday I do this.
He might give her a bath 1 or 2 times a week or read her a book.
Never both. SO when he gets mad because I have been nagging him to take out the trash (his only job and its over flowing) he leaves.
Please help, he wont go to counseling.
Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaasssee help!!!!!

Answer 1

Sweetie, i so feel for you. I am married to someone who is 5 years younger than me. we've been married for almost 11 yrs and i'm done. 1st realize that your attitude and actions dictate how he'll treat you. He's probably realized that he's bitten off more than he can chew. he feels tied down. his choice but he needs to grow up. don't nag anymore, do your own thing. i'm not saying have an affair or anything like that but he's looking for a way out. take care of you.

it's time for you to just act like what he does doesn't bother you. stop catering to him and his antics. the arguements he does just gets him the break he needs. make plans for yourself. go out with your girls. let him babysit. when he takes off for a week, don't let it bother you. just talk to him about things pertaining to your daughter. him seeing you get on with your life will bother him. stop cooking for him, stop doing his laundry. that is the priviledge of being a husband. doesn't sound like he's doing much of that now. so why should he reap the benefits of it.

join a gym, book club, dancing studio, something that you've wanted to do for a while. if he's at his brothers or parents house when it's time for him to go, take the baby over there and let him babysit.

stop nagging. don't yell. if you did all of that before and it hasn't worked. it's time to change tactics. when you speak speak in a calm voice. say only what you mean and mean what you say. follow through with what you say you're going to do.

as much as your doing it sounds like your living single with a roommate. email me sometime sunshynejm or im me. i'd love to talk to you, if my relationship could help make yours work i'm here.

Answer 2

Sweetie, I'm sorry, but you've got TWO kids. You have a 4 year old daughter and a 10 year old husband. Although, my 10 year old does more around the house than your husband does!

You can either accept that he's basically a child or you can tell him he needs to shape up or ship out.

You can find someone who is a grown up and will help a LOT more and is willing to work with you. I think the problem is that if he's not even going to stay to talk and refuses to go to counseling, he's not giving you a lot of options.

Answer 3

he is immature, insensitive, and will ever be a helpmate or carry his load. he runs away rather than be confronted he has no reasoning skills, or problem solving sills. u are put in a bad predicament of having to tell him to do what he should already know to do. u have married a child and not a man. up to u but personally it would be difficult to stay with him, since he won't even go to counciling, doesn't seem as if he is interested in doing anything about the problems. u work hard, so it really isn't too much to expect him to carry his load too. get rid of the kid and find a real man.

Answer 4

Hmph! Sounds a little like my fiance. I said a little. You two are married try to work it out, and plus you have a child together. I think it's wrong and odd that he leaves everry single time you voice your opinion. That's basically what you're doing right? You need too sit down and talk to him one on one. Try during sex!

Answer 5

Sounds like someone needs to cut that umbilical cord. Once a mommas boy, always a mommas boy. And if at his age he still runs away when a fight happens I say let him stay gone. Your daughter doesnt need someone like that in her life. Think of her, and remember there is always someone else out there to help out with at least the trash.

Answer 6

hate to break it to ya but leaving might be your only relief. my husband is somewhat like yours. when we really fight he leaves. but never for a week. that doesn't work for me. lol. he needs to be willing to look at why he gets so damned bent out of shape over taking out the trash. if he doesn't he can't expect you to stay when he's always running away

Answer 7

Make out what you think is a fair division of labor for the household and childcare chores in two columns. Ask him to choose which list he'll do. Let him know that if he doesn't choose one of the lists and do them, he needs to not let the door hit him in the butt on his way out. Do not nag, do not argue but let him know that fair is fair and things are GOING TO BE FAIR in the house. It's his choice as to how he wants to proceed.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's still a mama's boy.
I feel bad for you, It wouldn't kill him to help you, with the house and your daughter...Hopefully he'll grow-up soon and start being a man.
Good~Luck to you all.

Answer 9

Didn't the two of you discuss all of this BEFORE ou got married? If not...then obviously the two of you have a communications problem and nothing is going to fix the problem until you fix the communication between the two of you and that includes YOUR nagging.

Answer 10

Shut the F up and maybe he wont go running to his girlfriend...do you seriously think hes going to his family's??? If hes leaving at the drop of a hat and always looking for a reason to get out hes got another woman...guarantee it;)