Best friends have adviced me my wife's having an affair?

Question

Married for 2 years and before Christmas my wife's mother and her cousin have come over to stay with us for 3 months. My wife knows her cousin and said she met him at the airport in Thailand on the way through when she travelled abroad. The two ended up spending two weeks in Thailand. She never called me from Thailand as she said she changed her sim card and lost my number. I trusted her and thought he lack of contact was geniune. A week ago close friend advised me that my wife is having an affair with the cousin which has continued in our house when I work away. I confronted my wife and she said ofcourse its totally not true and said that our close friends are fallen out with us. I now have to make a decission to divorce her on the bases from information from our best friends. It is heartbreaking as I love her
She had an affair for two years with a married man before I met her but she only told me about it a year ago, I was unformtable but accepted it as being before I met her

Answer 1

sorry to hear that dude

Answer 2

I don't know...pieces kind of fit together with her traveling and all and the affair prior to your marriage with a married man...but what you didn't say was does the friend have anything to gain from telling you this? Before I confronted the wife with what was said I'd have found out a little before hand, like I would have said I had a trip for work (a little lie but for the reason why it would/could be overlooked) and then watched the house for a day or two and if he was coming over wait a few minutes and then went in or if you didn't own a video camera I'd have rented one and placed it in the house undetected when the wife wasn't around and record what was going on when you weren't there. It's hard to deny what you actually see for yourself.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. You don't indicate how long you've known each other, just that you've been married for two years. You don't talk about the quality of your marriage either, or of your previous relaitnship with her either, or if you have children. You don't say why it is that he is staying with you either. So, it is hard for me to advise you. But who said that you have to divorce her? Just because your friends are telling you this? How do they know she is having an affair? On what strong basis and evidence are they asserting this? When you say your "friends" how many friends are you talking about? How long have you known them, and what level of trust exists between you? Your wife denies it, did you believe her? Do you trust her? If she is not having an affair with this cousin, then she won't have a problem with you demanding he left your house, and this is the first order of business. Next, set up an appointment with a Mediator and go to the appointment to discuss the issue or to marriage counselor. How has all this affected your relationship? In what kind of shape is it. They are under the same roof with you. Have you noticed anything? What is your relationship with him like? As a last resource, you could ask him if is true. Think about all of this, go together to see someone, and I truly wish you the best.

Answer 4

Ok so lets see if I got this straight. Your wife was in Thailand for two weeks & didn't call because she forgot the number to the home she shares with her husband? She's never heard of directory assistance? And you bought her story?

I think she's walking all over you man. It would be easier to prove if she was carrying on an affair with a man that came from outside of your own home. But it's hard to have her followed when she doesn't have to go anywhere to cheat.
Here's what you do. Put some hidden video cameras in your home, & catch the two of them on tape while you are away.
There are plenty of places you can get these. You can even hire a detective agency to come in & install them for you while you take your wife, & her cousin out to dinner or something.

Then if she's caught on tape doing the nasty with her cousin she can deny as much as she likes, but you will know the truth.

Sorry that this is happening, but you need to know the truth for sure.

Answer 5

Well, I do agree that it does look very suspicious. However, you must not act on rumours until you have proof that your wife is guilty. Did your friend say how he knows about the affair, or is he just jumping to conclusions? You could do some detective work or hire a private detective to get the proof you need. If your wife is innocent, it would be a tragedy to end the marriage. If you get proof that she is committing adultery, you have the choice of giving her another chance. Tell her that she must earn back your trust and never have an affair again, and that if she does it again you will divorce her. You may be setting yourself up for more heartbreak, it is up to you. Best wishes.

Answer 6

Wow that is tough. I wouldn't leave her just on what you hear through the rumor mill. I would want to be sure, I'd want proof. Normally I'd say you should just trust her. However, she's already shown a lack of integrity by having an affair with a married man. I'd hire a private investigator. I wish you all the best, good luck.

Answer 7

You probably have that 6th sense don't you. Your mind says yes, but your heart says no. Bottom line, being with someone you don't trust will drive you crazy! What's a relationship without the trust. You'll always be trying to get "one up" on them, or sneaking around, etc. Call the TV show "Cheaters". Maybe their take your case for free. Install hidden cameras in your bedroom. There are lots of things to "catch" her if you have the financial means. Hire a private detective. Trust is something that's earned, and it sounds to me like she didn't go all out to get a hold of you while on vacation. Her excuse is lame to say the least.

Answer 8

I think you should go to cheater.com. Have them investigate it for you or you can investigate it yourself. Tell her that you do not feel comfortable with him coming over and wish for him to stay away from the house. If he still comes over then you know that it is something going on. A day when you suppose to be going to work, ride off the same as usual and then stake out and watch her every move. If this suppose to be cousin comes over, give them a little time before busting them because them may not hope into bed right away. If they leave the house then follow them, you may have to get a rental car or borrow a car from a friend. Do what you have to do because it is not being fair to you and you need to know if your being cheated on. Ohh, you can have a friend watch the house and video tape them as they leave or when they go places. Think about it.

Answer 9

This is a hard one and no-one can tell you what to do.
I had a friend for 20 years and she ended up sleeping with my ex husband. If you know you can trust your friends totally then you need to do what you think is right but if their is any uncertainty you need to get proof. You say you still love your wife so therefore wouldn't you want to know 100% that yes she is cheating or that you have nothing to worry about.
Good luck in anything you decide to do

Answer 10

You know it seems that when someone is a cheater they never stop being one. If she was cheating with a married man then she had no respect for herself (or the other woman) then and still doesn't. I thought that I would never say this but... I think I would let her come home to find some sign that you have been cheating. I wonder how she would feel. And if you have to really do then so be it but before you divorce her teach her one last thing, 2 can play that game.

Answer 11

Your friend seems to be telling the truth and the reason I believe him is the fact that your wife has a questionable past and she is good at denaying her guilts. The problem is that you love her otherwise my answer to you would be go get the divorce as soon as possible. Life is too short to let it make it miserable for us by others.