ok here it is
The Perfect guy
My love streches as far as the sea
If you notice thats longer than me
My love is for one and one person only
Who I will love more than my mom's macaroni
I will share my first hug and my first kiss
I pray the night before,I hope I don't miss anything
It maybe the outside that everyone looks for
But it is the inside that i look for
Day after day i dream of him
minutes after minutes I long for him
Still i must focus which i will do
For deep down inside he long for me too.
how do you like it
2007-01-20 07:59:46 · 8 answers · asked by Ally 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
OMG!!! i absolutly luv it!!! <3. keep up the good work!
2007-01-20 08:48:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm it's got character I like the second half better the the first (most particularly the last 4 lines). I think you were floundering for awhile and got your footing at the end. Work on it some more with the mindframe your going for and see how it works out.
2007-01-20 16:10:11 · answer #2 · answered by katchoo_792 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, unless the macaroni is out of this world, I wouldn't thow that in there. Poety is supposed to connect to the reader, make them feel like they are the one narrating, well that's what i look for anyway, and what if their mom doesn't make macaroni? Also, avoid rhyming things with the same word. Such as in your poem when you said for and for. Try something like "it may be the outside that everyone looks for, but it's inside I look for, behind that door" or something like that.
2007-01-20 16:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by Lola 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The line about the macaroni is cute. The rest is pretty bad.
2007-01-20 16:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i see some good points and bad points but if you look to be a great poem writer more people enjoy sorrow than love
2007-01-20 16:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is pretty good! keep up the good work.
2007-01-20 16:09:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it! it's hilarious(macaroni) yet romantic.
2007-01-20 16:07:42 · answer #7 · answered by Bowchikawowow! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is lovely.....very deep.....i love it!
2007-01-20 16:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by Bob the Cat.™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋