My wife and I have been together for 8 long hard years. We have put each other through hell. I have left her 3 times and she has left me before as well, but I always came back because I really do love this woman and don't want to lose her. But this time it's like there is nothing left between us, she doesn't want me to go but at the same time she acts like she cant stand to be in the same room with me. She tells me to do something and when I do it then she gets mad that I did or if I don';t she gets mad that I didn't. I feel nothing from her, there is no tenderness, no I love you's no anything. I feel like it is just time to move on before we hurt each other worse than we already have but at the same time I remember the way she used to be with me and I would do anything to see her that way again. I also think that marriage is forever, no matter what. I just want to have her be in love with me again like she once was and I don't think that will ever happen. I am open to suggestions!!!!!
2007-01-20 07:48:02 · 15 answers · asked by jnr177901 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes we do have kids, we have 5- I have 2 from a previous and she has 2 from a previous and we have 1 together. We had it out today and it seems that the only reason she is still here is because she doesn't want to lose or leave our house and because of our son. She says that she doesn't know if that feeling will ever change and got mad when I said that it would be best if I just left and threw a temper tantrum about how I was abandoning her and our son. I am not doing that, even if we had our differences I have still always provided for my kid's in both the emotional and monetary sense. I am at wits end every weekend that we are together we have a argument that lasts for days and wind up having hallway sex for the rest of the week.( Hallway sex is where you flip each other off as you pass in the hall...just in case you were wondering.) I am so tired of fighting and so close to just throwing in the towel and telling her to eat **** and live to taste it!!!!!
2007-01-20 15:45:28 · update #1
When is it time to say enough is enough and just let it go and move on? About 7.5 years ago.
Stop living in some fantasy past- it was never as good as you're trying to remember it was if you've put each other through hell all these years.
Marriage is about "love honor and cherish" - what happened to that?
Move on, get therapy, and straighten out your life.
2007-01-20 07:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ohhhh gosh...Hon, I'd have to say Yesterday would have been good.
You describe your marriage as "eight long, hard years." That's sad, but it sure sounds indicative to me that there was never much happiness to begin with.
Sometimes, marriages and relationships are like old shoes. You KNOW you should get rid of them, but they are just so darn familiar. But in your case Hon, the shoe's not even a comfortable one.
It sounds as though you are trying/have tried your best, and she's unresponsive. Unless she wants change, there's little you can do. I think you did what you could and it's time for you to seek out some happiness in your life.
I'd recommend a three-month separation with no contact (am I correct in assuming there are no kids?) and see where you both are at that time. Marriage lasting forever is a lovely concept...but you have to work with what you've got, and what you've got isn't being cooperative.
2007-01-20 16:02:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know when you have had enough, no one else can tell you, it will be in your heart to call it quits. As for seeing the love and tenderness again...she might when she finds a love that she is willing to show this side to, you may very well not see it directed at you again. Marriage is forever "with the right person", just because you got married does not mean it is forever, we are human and humans make mistakes, this could very well be one.
2007-01-20 16:00:26 · answer #3 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BEst thing is get togeher just the two of you, and have a nice long discussion about what happenign between the both of you and make rules before you start. ANd remember that one rule will be talk it out and get out int eh open and with no regrets. Especially neither one of you'll gets mad or starts shouting because they don't like what the other one is saying. AND if after that nothing happens maybe it is better to just get a divorce and both of you'll move on. Especially talk about why you got married to her, those should be goo times.
2007-01-20 15:59:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a relationship for 12 years, I have been thru the alcohol, drugs, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, him being immature and incarcerated more than out. At one time I would have done anything to hang on to the way it use to be but if your times have been anything close to my situation, the pain is to overbearing and it is time to move on. It sounds like that may be the case. I married him anyway and 3 months after the marriage I knew it was THE biggest mistake as the crap hasn't stopped. I wish you luck and peace.
2007-01-20 16:03:52 · answer #5 · answered by kittykitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I remember the way she used to be with me and I would do anything to see her that way again." Are you the way you were then? Probably not so don't live in the past. Ask her on a date and build a new relationship, it will seem a little weird but try it and love her man, love her with all of your strength. You will have to deal with all of the hurts you have done to each other but if you love and respect her and she respects and loves you it will work. Also, try forgiveness.
2007-01-20 16:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by HAND 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its over.....I was in a relationship for 7 yrs and we were inseperable.We were down for eachother and we went through alot together and was always there for eachother.But towards the end it just wasnt right anymore.I loved him but i wanted him gone and when he left i cried for him back.We never kissed anymore...we didnt hug.....we didnt do anything.The sex went down the hole too.We argued all the time even if we just promised not to arhue anymore.We broke up cuz it was driving us crazy.Just leave because it wont get better.You say youre married?Try to get couples counseling first(most likely it wont work) if and when it doesnt work...leave.Its unhealthy to stay ina relationship like that.My experience is i learned when it gets that ugly its cuz theyre seeing someone on the side and you just aint interesting to them anymore.
2007-01-20 15:55:19 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffany C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the grass is never greener on the other side. so my advise to you is go to counseling. because the only thing is going to happen is you're going to get with someone else and see that it's a cycle, so just hang in there. it's just so much has happened over the years that the IN LOVE has fell. but go to a professional or a pastor and work it out.......ain't nobody better
2007-01-20 15:58:06 · answer #8 · answered by Twyla R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she willing to go to counseling? That may be helpful to you. Also, is it possible that she has symptoms of depression that could be treated? I know it's hard but if that is the case, there is treatment for it. To answer your question, I think enough is enough when you don't love each other. But you guys still seem to have that.
Good luck
2007-01-20 15:54:55 · answer #9 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel like you should move on so you want hurt each other then you need to do it its not easy when you love someone im trying to do that now me and my husband separated because he cheated and abused me i live by myself but its hard for i think about i wish we could of worked thing's out but he didn't want too i blame him for not wanting our marrige to last
2007-01-20 16:03:34 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋