I've tried everyhting I can think of but my wife is still a #$!^!&!! She can tell me everything that's wrong with me and what I need to do and the moment the phone rings and it's her girlfriend (or anybody else) her whole attitude changes. She becomes pleasant and thoughtful. Then afterwards it's back at me again. There's a WHOLE lot of other stuff involved too she does/has done.We've been together almost 20yrs. and I CANNOT STAND HER! I know it's been a long time but I'm dying (spiritually) and need something better in life. ANY advice folks?
2007-01-20 07:42:43 · 10 answers · asked by Nash M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it's not possible. You don't love her, for good reason: she's a crappy wife. Ask her to read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands"-- if she refuses, or tells you you're wrong for suggesting it- leave. Most men in your position do- they get fed up and go.
"Women no longer understand their own ability to create the relationships and family life that they truly desire. Years ago women were taught by their mothers that they needed to be wise and sensitive and "work" their men—they knew how to create and maintain a happy and well-functioning relationship using their so called "feminine wiles" in benevolent and mutually satisfying ways.
Today, women have replaced these feminine wiles with disdain, hypersensitivity, criticism, bullying and nagging."
Sounds like your lovely bride.
2007-01-20 07:49:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're expecting your wife (or anyone else) to meet your spiritual needs-your looking in the wrong place. No other person can meet your spiritual needs or make you whole. Only God (or a Higher power of your choosing) can do that.
After being with the same person for 20 years, you are bound to get on each other's nerves some of the time. Do you really know each other anymore? Are you important to each other? Are you glad when one another gets home?
If not, you need some outside help so you two can get some perspective on the sitiuation. I've been married 16 years (the 2nd marriage for both of us) and we went through a rough patch a few years ago after our 3rd child was born. I kind of lost my mind and my self for awhile-and I just couldn't help it! I was hateful to my husband and bitchy and angry except for when I was tearful and insecure. Poor guy didn't know what the hell to do.
Alot of it was hormonal and some it was just stress. I was just overwhelmed with life. I just couldn't seem to cope. Even my friends told me later they were really concerned about me."You were nuts." I started on antidepressants and it helped me tremendously.
Is it possible she just needs you to acknowledge her feelings and listen? Is she trying to get your attention with all the nagging? Maybe you don't need to "fix" anything, just try to hear what she's saying or not saying
Think about when you first met, what did you like about each other? What did you talk about? What did you do on dates? Maybe you've just grown apart and need to reconnect..
Leaving is always an option-but you're gonna have problems with someone...so you may as well work it out if you love each other. The grass may be greener on the other side , but you still have to mow it. Good Luck.
2007-01-20 16:13:19 · answer #2 · answered by Divacancerrn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In Astrology the seventh house rules marriage and partnership; "It rules open enemies as well. It may seem contradictory for marriage and open enemies to be shown by the same area of the horoscope, but if that’s what you think, you probably have never been married. "
You may be on a path of separation, or this may be a time of growth, for one or both of you. If I were you, I'd tell her how you feel, and if you've already done that and nothing's changed, maybe it's ultimatum time. It's not good to feel that you are dying spiritually within your marriage. Decide what it is you truly need and desire, what you can live with and what you can't. From there, it's time to make the tough decisions, and opt to make it work or move on and get a divorce.
2007-01-20 16:12:43 · answer #3 · answered by Little Jeannie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. That's the same as always loving your child, but sometimes really disliking him or her.
How about marriage counseling--couldn't hurt. There you both get to vent your feelings.
How about a pillow fight--gets out a lot of frustration.
If you feel like you're dying spiritually, maybe you need to get involved with a house of worship, or into reading some self-help books--get into those positive affirmations, man, they're good.
When you get upset, do some running or other exercise. Get some fresh air. Start a new hobby or take a class in something that really interests you.
It's been my experience that when wives become #$!*!&!!s, their husbands have done something to provoke that. Think about what sets her off--and be honest with yourself--if you put her in that mood, apologize--and try not to do it again.
Good luck, try to work things out--20 years is a long time.
2007-01-20 15:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a dog or a hobby or try couples counseling. Divorce is difficult after all those years, but be prepared to go there if you can't get her to go to counseling with you. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be. I divorced after 22 years with the same person & then moved away for another 15 years & I still have love in my heart for the one I married, yet I detest the man that he has become in his life. Maybe he was always that way & I couldn't see it, or it didn't bother me, but when it does, you BOTH gotta do something to change things for the better or be happy living in he//. I wish you the best. I hope she reads this. I hope you will be able to salvage your relationship & grow old together.
2007-01-20 15:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once married to a man who treated me and my children bad all the time but when he was around anybody else it was a different story. I could not stand the man. I ended up hating him with all my heart. I thought that my life would be like that for the rest of my life but we got divorced and I am happier since we got divorced. We were married for 25 years. If your not happy then leave. Life is too short to be miserable all the time.
2007-01-20 15:57:51 · answer #6 · answered by Nancy M. 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes i beleve it is possible,my husband has put me thru so much i luv him but despise him all in the same breath ,i understand exactly what you are saying and really thats why i posted the question whenis it time for divorce,I mean does misery really have to love company or what?
2007-01-20 16:44:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have already answered your own question.You are not happy and only you can make the change to become happy.Some people do grow apart.
2007-01-20 15:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you considered counseling? personally, i wouldn't have stuck around long after the verbal abuse started. And yes, she is abusing you. Not only verbally, but emotionally as well. seek help or run for your life. she will only get nastier. good luck
2007-01-20 15:50:08 · answer #9 · answered by Dallas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you can love them, but not like them at all.
2007-01-20 15:46:38 · answer #10 · answered by lady_blu_iz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋