OK so My husband and I are at a turning point in our relationship. I have not always shown him that I love him. He is doubting that I have or that I do now. I am trying to tell him I love him more then life itself but there is no talking to him. I want him to see me the way he use to and love me and not question if he wants to be with me or not. I want to shake him and wake him up but he is asking me to just give him some space to figure things out. I realy want to do that for him but I am scared if I leave him alone he will thnk I am loosing intrest or not wanting him which is not the case. Anyone out there have this problem before. If so how to dael with this. We have been married for 11yrs and are only 29 and 30. We have 2 small children and I want this to work. Mostly I don't want anyone hurt children or us.
2007-01-20 07:15:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel so bad for you two, and your little ones. You guys are at a rough spot and the words are easy to say.
I am sorry I can't help you two because I have never been through this before, but you are in my thoughts. Good Luck!
2007-01-20 07:24:36 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could have written your question myself word for word. Only we were married 25 years. I tried talking to him to no avail just as you have. Then I thought maybe it was just depression and would go away with time. I was wrong. I now believe there is a time in a man's life where he evaluates where he's been and where he is going, and if it is what he wants.
If I had it to do over again I would have told him he was scaring me and insisted on couples counseling or therapy. No matter what it cost. Your marriage is that important! And if it works out - Great! If not - then you will know that you tried your very best, and will probably benefit from continued counseling to rebuild your life.
You might also try a book called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. I don't agree with everything in it (kind of think it belittles men) but there are some good ideas too.
Sincerely hope all works out for you. I only wish I had asked the same question when I was going through the same as you. Good Luck!
2007-01-20 07:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by beenthere 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a mans point of view I see two possibilities: First, maybe he's telling you the truthand needs time and space to figure things out. Second, (and what I suspect) he is trying to work out an exit stratagy.
What can you do? Either way, the only thing I can suggest is trying to show your love often but nut being pushy or intrusive. Love notes in his lunch... big hugs when he comes home... surprise him with sex by having the kids stay with a relative or sitter a couple of times a week. Not nagging about 'what are you thinking' or "why can't you be more_____?".
If he feels loved by you, he will eventually come closer.
Good luck.
2007-01-20 07:25:55 · answer #3 · answered by John L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you two really need to sit down and talk about it. Have you considered marriage counseling? Clergy, if you go to church? Is infidelity an issue? Thats a tough one to get over, so if that has happened then I hope the other party can gain the trust again. I have seen problems many times after the kids come in the picture that the husband and wife forget to be more that Mom and Dad! Remember, you were a wife before you were a mother. Good luck.
2007-01-20 07:25:53 · answer #4 · answered by Mark W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds very much as though he wants you to "prove" you love him. You'll NEVER prove it--EVER. It cannot be done. In fact, that's manipulation. Find the best counselor in the valley and make an appointment as a couple.
Yes, if you leave him alone, he'll tell you that you are losing interest in him--more manipulation. My ex once gave me a list of 18 things I had to do to prove my love. You know what came next? That wasn't QUITE enough.
Leave him alone, get counseling if you can but remember, the children are learning and absorbing and having to deal with the tensions and turbulence of your relationship and that's right up there next to abuse of kids. If he cannot accept your declaration of love, you'll go crazy trying to prove you love him. He needs help--a lot of it--and by inference, since you've been living together--you need help too.
2007-01-20 07:30:15 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well actions do speak louder than words sometimes.. After 11 years of marriage it is normal for men to doubt themselves in marriages. If he wants his space then give it to him, not because you want to but because you love him enough and trust him enough that you can. Love is more than just sex in a marriage but it is and means a lot to. Men need attention especially at this stage of his life. He need more attention than before as he is looking around and seeing things he thinks he has missed. You need to more attentive to him, I know this is hard as if you have not done this before it is different for you. You need to put out more individual attention toward him in the evening. If he indicates that he is interested in evening activity, try hard not to say no or to reject him, even though you are more than tired. Keep on trying help him though this part of his life and time. Also you might want to suggest some marriage counseling as it does help over time. good luck
2007-01-20 07:31:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to change? If you do and you put your words into action, he'll see that and he will come around. Don't change for a month or two, make it a lifetime committment and follow through. If a man wants space, he wants to think of a solution, give him his space, that shows you respect his wishes. Do what your heart is telling you. Good luck!
2007-01-20 07:23:40 · answer #7 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well have faith in him knowing that he loves you. I hope that you know that every good relationship is based upon your faith. For example you are one body since 11 years ago abd you should do everything together. You can show your love for him through the most littlest things. Just love him the way you would want to be loved.what goes around most likely comes around soon or later.
2007-01-20 07:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by Candy J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him some space.. but keep doing all of the small things that you can..
2007-01-20 07:21:06 · answer #9 · answered by eck_03 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't push him or you will push him further away. let him have his time and if things are right he will come back. badgering him will only make him resent you more.
2007-01-20 07:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by therernonameleft 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋