My Fiancée’ and I have been together for 2 years(met 8 times). She is from Singapore (originally from Philippines). She wants me to be in the same religion with her. She is a member of IgIesia Ni Cristo (Church of Christ). I attended the church for over a year now. The church believes that they are the only true religion. They kick members out who marry outside They put down other religions. They check member’s attendance weekly. I do not agree with these practices. However, she believes in this church. They asked for my divorce paper, fill out an application like a job app, write a letter to join, request for a paper that she is single. And many more like take an exam. She is coming to the US in 2 weeks. I honestly do not wish to join this church. I feel that it is best to let her know when she comes here that I cannot join her church and send her back. I feel that if she leaves the churchto marry me, that it will lead to another titanic. Help!
2007-01-20 06:21:50 · 7 answers · asked by Ineversay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This may sound like a lot, but bare with me here.
Being a former member of the very same legalistic practice for 6 years, and experiencing the very same situation (I was in your fiance's position) I had to come to terms to some hard facts on my own: I was a people pleaser. Spiritually speaking, I was idolizing, or taking God off the throne and replacing Him with the views and opinions of these members. I do not hate them nor feel bitterness towards them, but through prayer and the support of my fiance standing by my side - not adding to the abuse, I was able to create the proper boundaries between "religion" and having an active relationship with God.
What worked for me was that I had to do research on the very things that the members were saying were pleasing to God - in the Bible- then weigh out the answers through prayer. It took a gruesome 2 months, but only because I really didn't want to believe my friends were attacking me.
When you correspond with your fiance, you be that "living Word" in her life focusing on purity of your relationship; the only religion that is written, that God even approves of; and the fruits of the Spirit. Remember you would only be as a support. In doing this, I do suggest explaining that the engagement should be either postponed until the proper foundation both of you can agree on is met, or called off all together. Based on where she is in her thinking, she may tell her fellow members that you are making her choose between "you and God." This is why it is important to always keep the focus on God and Jesus and not the "right and wrong doings of the people." You are not there to worship people, but God. There's a lot to be said for those of us who call on Christ, but whose lives do not reflect holy Biblical living. This means you are going to have to do your own studies to find out what pleases God - which is simply obey Him - not the people.
Then when it's all said and done, for your heart, remember no one or organization is perfect or has all the answers. Otherwise, Jesus' death would have been for not.
2007-01-20 07:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by godiva 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a major issue-- you should definitely resolve this before getting married, as it could cost you dearly both emotionally and financially if it is not clarified before the wedding date.
If you are sure you do not want to join this church, then you should seriously reconsider getting married to this person.
You need to find someone whose religious beliefs are in harmony with yours, or in the alternative, at least someone who will tolerate you not going to their church.
PS-- this "church" sounds like a major cult....there are many wonderful congregations out there that don't act like cults.
2007-01-20 06:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an important issue to take care of before marrying, and perhaps you should not marry. Having seen one another 8 times also means you do not really know one another well enough to make a sound decision to marry or not.
2007-01-20 06:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is trouble. I have just had this conversation with my boyfriend. It is EXTREMELY difficult to be in a relationship with someone of another religion. Religion is who we are and what we believe in. If she believes strongly about it and you don't, tell her and make the decision to commit fully to that church or walk away. You can't do this half-way. I wish I had better news but I don't.
2007-01-20 06:29:40 · answer #4 · answered by emoryepiwoman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If religion plays such a big part in her life, and you do not feel the same this issue will only intensify if you get married, not to mention having kids. I suggest you make sure she knows how you feel before she makes this trip and before your marriage.
2007-01-20 06:27:19 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
call her and tell her that the marriage is off. and I thought that when it comes to Oriental woman and being married... Well, they are to follow the man... not the man follow the woman... she is using you to become a citizen of your country... and you have not been together for two years... You have only been together eight times... and it looks to me that your ship has already sunk....
2007-01-20 06:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry her. You can't trade God for a wife." Thou shalt have no other God's before me" Send he back home and look for a mate in your own religion
2007-01-20 06:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by mamayer6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋